Feeling resentful but I don’t know if I’m being irrational or not…

[whippitwoowoo]

First off, I’m going to go and see this parent later today to find out what’s happening. I think this is better than just waiting for 2 teens to sort this situation out.

My DD17 and her BF bought day tickets to Reading festival ages ago.
The BF parents said they will take their caravan and stay nearby so the girls can stay with them at the end of the day.
Great, I agreed for my DD to buy a ticket knowing she can stay with her mates parents afterwards.
All the other friends in the group have got weekend tickets.

For info we live 100 miles away from Reading.

I’ve noticed that no plans are being firmed up and my DD isn’t saying much.

I asked the BF yesterday and she said “my parents are taking us but my dads got work now so are not staying anymore “

So, no one has told me this before and hasn’t thought to tell me that the 2 teens now have no where to stay or anyone getting them at the end.

So , it’s gonna fall to me to drive 200 mile round trip late at night. But no one thinks to actually communicate anything to me.

If it was me I would contact the other parent to say I can’t do what I originally agreed to.

I’m so pissed off. I don’t want to drive to fecking Reading.
I would never have agreed to my DD going if I had to go myself.

I’m absolutely knackered. I have worked relentlessly throughout the past 18 months and feel burnout.

I’ve lost the ability to work out if I’m unreasonable or not.

@whippitwoowoo

I’d prefer her to crash in a mates tent tbh.

There is not a cat in hell's chance they will be allowed to do this. You'll find they have nowhere to go in the early hours of the morning, and probably not allowed to come in the next day for such dickish behaviour. Sorry to say.

I may have missed something, but the friend’s parents had arranged for the girls to sleep in their caravan?
If that were me and I suddenly can’t do that, I’d let you know, out of courtesy. And help to plan another solution especially since it involved my daughter too.

I actually have a 17 yo who could probably sort herself out, but I still would want to be certain in this circumstance that they were both okay. And I’d be pretty p*ssed off about driving.

My 17 yr old is going to Liverpool this weekend (alone) to visit a friend. Booked his own train tickets and hotels.

I think kids in London are used to this type of travelling far younger than people outside London.

It doesn’t matter what other kids do or what you could do at 17, everyone is different and we have no idea about the OP and her DD’s circumstances. Some people are so judgemental on here.

Im in Ireland and the comments were relentless when i was younger, but it's not just wrinkles that stop the comments. People get to a certain age and they finally realise that the target of the remark is well aware of whatever remark they were about to drive home, so they hold it in.

I’d just tell her sell the ticket as she’s left it all too late to organise travel...the girls parents might suddenly find that they can stop over after all.

Id say that age is about 36! It's been 15 years at least since anybody said "hey, you're short". There was a time i heard it once a week!

www.booking.com/hotel/gb/the-catherine-wheel.en-gb.html?label=gen173nr-1FCAEoggI46AdIM1gEaFCIAQGYAQm4ARfIAQ_YAQHoAQH4AQuIAgGoAgO4ArndxYgGwAIB0gIkNGU0YTZiODctNDJkNC00OTIwLTg4ZGUtMmMxZGY1ODllNDc32AIG4AIB;sid=5fd5a2ecc75a5fa8a1bbda0e5da6c64b;all_sr_blocks=166350303_204343883_0_0_0;checkin=2021-08-27;checkout=2021-08-28;dest_id=-2606065;dest_type=city;dist=0;group_adults=2;group_children=0;hapos=19;highlighted_blocks=166350303_204343883_0_0_0;hpos=19;no_rooms=1;room1=A%2CA;sb_price_type=total;sr_order=popularity;sr_pri_blocks=166350303_204343883_0_0_0__8010;srepoch=1628532437;srpvid=af487f6a14d3009e;type=total;ucfs=1& - this is £80 for 27th August,its 6 miles away so a taxi there might be an option for the girls

Oh how the hell did i manage to post this on the wrong thread. Apologies for confusion.

@SeasonFinale

Reading Festival us 15 mins walk from Reading Station . Reading to Paddington is 25 minutes on the train. Paddington to KX is 15 minutes on the tube (one train only). Kings Cross to Cambridge is 45 minutes on the train.

If she gets the bus to work it is as simple as that.

Yes but it can take ages to get off the site when it closes as all the day tickets try to leave at once. I’ve been a few times.

I’ve looked it up. If she misses the 1.15am train (which would get her to Cambridge at 6.13am and involves crossing London on tube in early hours of morning) she’s got to wait for the next train at Reading Station which leaves at 4.15am. That’s a big ask for a couple of 17 year olds at that time of night.

m.nationalrail.co.uk/pj/plan/RDG/CBG/280821/0100/dep

Oh and if she was planning to crash in her mates’ tent, day tickets and weekend tickets get different colour wristbands and they don’t let day tickets into camping area.
And yes they do check.

@Toomuchtrouble4me

I’d just tell her sell the ticket as she’s left it all too late to organise travel...the girls parents might suddenly find that they can stop over after all.

It's 3 weeks away! It's all a bit hysterical if you ask me. Plenty of time to book somewhere - there are Airbnbs available dirt cheap, plus the pp link to booking.com and someone else on here even offered their place.

Also plenty of time to get familiar with the train route back.

There are so many ways around it and 3 weeks to make the plan. I think she just isn't that bothered about going. Or maybe she's scared to go? If that basic journey home is overwhelming then a massive festival (loud, dirty, crowded, drugs) will probably be too much anyway

There are plenty of cheap places to stay around Reading. They can stay and then coach it home the following day.

@whippitwoowoo

The girls won’t sort this out. It will get left to the last minute. It’s not my dd fault. She has asked about the plans a few times and her friend is very vague.

They can’t train it.
Too complicated and convoluted
It would involve going across London late at night.

Hey OP, this might sound harsh and I'm the extreme as my parents were crap, they let me run wild and booted me out at 15, so hearing how caring you are is lovely (I wish my mother had been like you!) but if your DD is 17 then next year she could potentially be across the country living independently at Uni so perhaps a little independence now is good as a learning experience?

I remember my first year at Uni, many of the kids that went crazy and left or got booted out early were kids that had never had any freedom, never had a night away from home, never been to a club, never had to be self-sufficient.

It’s all the growing up process. Some parents do have problems acknowledging their children are growing up. She can get married, she can join the army, she can have a baby. Let her grow up, she may make a mess of things and that’s growing up.

Let her be herself.

Train from Reading to London Paddington. Black cab to Kings Cross (if they really can’t do the tube). Kings Cross to Cambridge. Easy peasy.

@VladmirsPoutine

OP the general attitude on Mumsnet seems to be 17yr olds are fully fledged adults and really should have a mortgage, a car and a 6-figure salary, otherwise you failed at raising them. And if they're still at home they should be coughing up half their wages from their weekend job at Pizza Hut otherwise they're basically scrounging of you.

I'd try and resolve a solution with your DD asap. If they can get a tent, or a nearby BnB or leave earlier. Don't leave her without a paddle.

To be fair I think the perpetual quarrel over what age people should be independent is fuelled by the hugely disparate threads on here.

On one hand there's an MNer on another thread being gaslit by her young DS and his clearly unstable GF and MNers insisting the OP can't possibly interfere in their relationship 'because grown ups'.

And then there's threads like this one where a 17yo is deemed too young to not have her parents communicating about their activities with friends.

There's no simple answer.

I don't get how standing around in car parks waiting for taxis or going to strange airbnbs and hotels is safer than getting the train home.

There will be hundreds of other people with day tickets walking back to the train station. Presumably they will now have to get the train + tube + train there so they can simply get the same train + tube + train back.

Check when the last trains are and tell them they might have to miss some of the headliner. Pretty sure the night tube is running and trains to London go until 3am, so it's just the other side.

@SeasonFinale

Reading Festival us 15 mins walk from Reading Station . Reading to Paddington is 25 minutes on the train. Paddington to KX is 15 minutes on the tube (one train only). Kings Cross to Cambridge is 45 minutes on the train.

If she gets the bus to work it is as simple as that.

Apologies if this has been mentioned before and I've missed it. That is what the trains are like normally, but They have sold over 100,000 tickets to this festival. Its hard to navigate and move quickly in crowds that size. On the festival website it says trains do not run late on Fridays and Saturdays and to allow at least an hour to get from the festival gate to the train because the station will be packed. www.readingfestival.com/information-category/travel if she is going on the last day. She may have to leave very early to get to the station and this doesn't guarantee linking up with a London connection back to OP's home town. A pp earlier mentioned finding a stop over in Basingstoke which would be easier to get to and cheaper than the immediate festival area and then travel back more easily the following day. It is an extra cost but then how much is petrol for a 200k (m?) round trip?

Bloody Hell is the world a much more scary place now than back in the day? When I was 17 we were drinking in pubs going clubbing getting drink. Kids these days are so moddlecoddled it is unbelievable

Yes it is.
How is it @MydogWillow

Are you sure the caravan was ever going to be part of the deal OP? Maybe you were just told that because your DD knew you wouldn't agree to her going otherwise?

Were they ever actually staying with the parents or was that made up so they were allowed to go?!

*Correction, 100k tickets for entire festival, not one day.

I’m actually really confused here as you say the other parents were going to take the caravan but now are “ not staying “? Couldn’t they take the caravan still and your DD and friend get taxi/ Uber there stay overnight and either you collect or they public transport home in the morning? If as you say your 17 year old is working and using local transport she sounds an averagely sensible/ responsible 17 year old - but given you feel she has missed out on many landmarks to maturity , encouraging her to sell her ticket and cancel the experience altogether should surely be the last resort? Even if they have to cut out early , or they stay in Airbnb , it will still be a relatively fun experience for them and completely within a nearly 18 year old’s abilities??

Trainline shows multiple trains until 00:20 on Saturday and Sunday.

There might be 100,000 there but not all of them are going home on the same day, most will be camping. Sunday might have a lot more people but not Saturday. I have got the train home on Sunday night no problem.

Pretty sure the curfew is 11pm. Leave at 10 and you will miss the crowds.