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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to cancel wedding that's in 9 days

526 replies

9daystillwedding · 07/08/2021 22:13

We are struggling for money at the moment but we didn't want to cancel the wedding and lose the money we had already paid so we have managed to scrape it together and we are eloping just us, our toddler and our parents.

My partner is having a week off work so we need to budget for that week and at the moment living pay check to pay check.

His stag do is tonight and he's spent 230 at a strip club plus around 200 for food and drinks, way over the budget we have agreed meaning we are going to struggle the next 3 weeks now because of this and our going to have to limit the things we do on our trip when we get married.

I'm not ok that firstly he spent so much more than agreed and secondly I'm not ok that he went to the strip club. He didn't discuss going there with me and I'm 100 percent certain he knows I wouldnt be comfortable with it.

I'm considering cancelling the wedding and saying we need to work on things before we can discuss marriage again

Aibu?

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 07/08/2021 22:16

No I don’t think you’re unreasonable.

You cancelled a wedding as you didn’t have the money for a big do and he spends the bill of your wedding budget on his stag?

What did you do for your hen do?

This sounds like a ‘don’t tell the bride’ scenario!

Original poster
9daystillwedding · 07/08/2021 22:16

Also to add, it's only 10pm so he's probably going to keep spending

OP posts:
Everydayisawindingroad · 07/08/2021 22:16

Not unreasonable at all. Respect is so important in a relationship. You agreed a budget and he’s just gone ahead and done his own thing completely ignoring the financial implications. Things will not get any better from here

Aquamarine1029 · 07/08/2021 22:16

I'm considering cancelling the wedding and saying we need to work on things before we can discuss marriage again

If this is how you feel, you should definitely not be getting married.

Calvinlookingforhobbes · 07/08/2021 22:16

This is an opportunity. Do not look back with regret. LTB. Or at least post pone

Potatoy · 07/08/2021 22:17

@9daystillwedding

Also to add, it's only 10pm so he's probably going to keep spending
Is it a joint account? Can you cancel the card?
AnneLovesGilbert · 07/08/2021 22:17

You and your child deserve so much better than a man who blows that much money, any money, on a stag do at a bloody strip club when you’re already skint and have a wedding and a lovely trip coming up. What a selfish arsehole. You poor thing Flowers

frazzledasarock · 07/08/2021 22:18

He spending £200 on food and drink and counting. What on earth is he eating and drinking?

£430 on himself and counting.

I’d LTB.

Potatoy · 07/08/2021 22:18

Maybe he's having second thoughts so blowing the cash and hoping you dump him so he doesnt have to call it off and look like the bad one?

Original poster
9daystillwedding · 07/08/2021 22:18

I didn't plan a hen, I don't really have anyone. I'm having a day to myself getting hair, nails etc. Well that was the plan, I'm not sure anything is going ahead now

OP posts:
Original poster
9daystillwedding · 07/08/2021 22:19

I've transferred everything else out of the account, he still has his credit card

OP posts:
GrandmasCat · 07/08/2021 22:19

Don’t get married if you are not sure, because believe me, getting divorced it is much harder a way more expensive than getting married.

It is not that you have 300 guests who have already booked hotels and spend money to attend. You can easily cancel now if you have doubts.

Zzzzzzxxx · 07/08/2021 22:19

Why is he having a stag do if you are eloping

SparklingLime · 07/08/2021 22:20

Is it a joint account? If so cancel the card?

magimedi · 07/08/2021 22:20

If you have any doubts don't do it.

Far easier to postpone/cancel the wedding than to get a divorce in a year or so.

Sorry to be so brutal. Flowers

Original poster
9daystillwedding · 07/08/2021 22:20

He insisted

OP posts:
GrandmasCat · 07/08/2021 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

SparklingLime · 07/08/2021 22:21

Sorry, cross-posted. YANBU at all to cancel.

OwlinaTree · 07/08/2021 22:21

Don't get married unless you are absolutely sure you want to get married.

Curiosity101 · 07/08/2021 22:21

How do you know how much he's spent if he's still out?

Is it worth messaging him now, assuming that it's a joint account, to let him know he's gone massively over budget and you as a family can't afford for him to be spending that much. Best case scenario - he paid for everyone initially and they'll be paying him back.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 07/08/2021 22:21

YANBU. I wouldnt want to be married to someone who prioritised paying women for access to their bodies over marrying someone or basic essentials for our family. To be fair we would have the money and it would have still made me want to cancel as it's also about respect and views on women

Crazysheep · 07/08/2021 22:21

Wow. I didn’t spend a penny on my hen do (COVID restrictions so had 2 garden parties) DH went a bit later and managed a night out but bought a round of drinks all day/night. I’d have been absolutely furious. We only had a small wedding which cost less than a grand. That’s pretty much half the cost of my wedding. Nah have a rethink you are on different pages.

Potatoy · 07/08/2021 22:22

@9daystillwedding

I didn't plan a hen, I don't really have anyone. I'm having a day to myself getting hair, nails etc. Well that was the plan, I'm not sure anything is going ahead now
Have the day to yourself anyway. It will give you a confidence boost. You are worth more than this.
tothelakes · 07/08/2021 22:22

If you're not sure, cancel. I'd be very pissed off about the strip club and all the money blown there.
I'm not sure I'd want to be in a relationship with someone who would do that and probably had dances etc. it's fucking grim.

TokyoSushi · 07/08/2021 22:22

Oh goodness, and its only 10:20pm! You sounded like you might be having doubts before I got to the bit about tonight's spending, maybe this is actually an opportunity but obviously you need to be sure.