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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to cancel wedding that's in 9 days

526 replies

9daystillwedding · 07/08/2021 22:13

We are struggling for money at the moment but we didn't want to cancel the wedding and lose the money we had already paid so we have managed to scrape it together and we are eloping just us, our toddler and our parents.

My partner is having a week off work so we need to budget for that week and at the moment living pay check to pay check.

His stag do is tonight and he's spent 230 at a strip club plus around 200 for food and drinks, way over the budget we have agreed meaning we are going to struggle the next 3 weeks now because of this and our going to have to limit the things we do on our trip when we get married.

I'm not ok that firstly he spent so much more than agreed and secondly I'm not ok that he went to the strip club. He didn't discuss going there with me and I'm 100 percent certain he knows I wouldnt be comfortable with it.

I'm considering cancelling the wedding and saying we need to work on things before we can discuss marriage again

Aibu?

OP posts:
PollyPepper · 07/08/2021 22:22

@GrandmasCat

Why is he having a stag do if you are eloping?

Good point! Trip trap…

What does trip trap mean?
LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 07/08/2021 22:25

I get it can be hard when you consistently struggle financially and sometimes it's easier to have a blow out. But it's ok to leave you and the littlie struggling for weeks so he can benefit on a night out. He needs to grow up.

BrilliantBetty · 07/08/2021 22:26

If you have any doubt in your mind at all don't go through with it. This is a good reason NOT to get married so soon. It is a valid reason.
You need more time to think about whether you actually want to be with this guy, don't you.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 07/08/2021 22:26

*Not ok

3scape · 07/08/2021 22:26

Your banking ap must update remarkably quickly

Original poster
9daystillwedding · 07/08/2021 22:28

@3scape

Your banking ap must update remarkably quickly
I get a notification every time money goes in or out almost immediately every time
OP posts:
Original poster
9daystillwedding · 07/08/2021 22:28

I love him so much and I really want this for us. I'm devastated

OP posts:
ChateauMargaux · 07/08/2021 22:28

Report his credit card stolen

Babdoc · 07/08/2021 22:29

You have nine days to cancel the biggest mistake of your life - marrying a selfish immature idiot who blows your scarce money on strip clubs.
Separate your finances, get a refund on anything you can for the wedding arrangements and ditch the idiot. Don’t look back.

ChateauMargaux · 07/08/2021 22:29

Probably not OK.. as that would probably be fraud.. ignore that terrible advice

NailsNeedDoing · 07/08/2021 22:30

If you can, block the card he’s using, and if he was planning on coming home tonight, lock him out.

Original poster
9daystillwedding · 07/08/2021 22:30

@ChateauMargaux

Probably not OK.. as that would probably be fraud.. ignore that terrible advice
Lol I definitely would if my name was on the account
OP posts:
Original poster
9daystillwedding · 07/08/2021 22:31

@NailsNeedDoing

If you can, block the card he’s using, and if he was planning on coming home tonight, lock him out.
He's 2 hours away staying at a friends, he definitely would not be getting in the house if he was planning on coming home
OP posts:
Anonymous48 · 07/08/2021 22:32

@Zzzzzzxxx

Why is he having a stag do if you are eloping
Good question. I'm not sure the OP really knows the definition of eloping.
VodselForDinner · 07/08/2021 22:33

Please don’t marry this pig.

m00rfarm · 07/08/2021 22:33

It may be that the venue did not take cash so the others have paid cash to him and used his card to make the payment. Maybe check it out before going mad about spending the money.

Sparkletastic · 07/08/2021 22:34

Don't saddle yourself with this man. Reclaim your future.

GNCQ · 07/08/2021 22:35

The groom shouldn't really pay on his own stag, especially not at a strip club!
Oh dear.
Not surprising you're upset..

Anonymous48 · 07/08/2021 22:35

@9daystillwedding

I love him so much and I really want this for us. I'm devastated
I'm sorry. What a sucky situation, especially as you already have a child. But I think it would be a huge mistake to go through with the wedding at this point, if ever.
Tohaveandtohold · 07/08/2021 22:36

Could it be that he had to pay for everyone at the pub for ease as the host and they’ll then transfer what each of them spend back to him?
Otherwise, yanbu and if he spent all that then he’s certainly irresponsible

30degreesandmeltinghere · 07/08/2021 22:37

If my dh had gone to a strip club I would have cancelled our wedding.....
Raise your bar op...

Mantlemoose · 07/08/2021 22:37

You don't have to have a reason to cancel except that you believe it to be the right thing to do.

lannistunut · 07/08/2021 22:37

Assume by 'eloping' what the OP means is not having any guests or reception etc. So it is not secret but not a wedding that anyone is going to.

OP - I think you do right tbh.

pinkflamingo21 · 07/08/2021 22:37

Call him to tell him to stop spending the money on the girls at the club

Casmama · 07/08/2021 22:38

I get being unhappy about a strip club and I get being unhappy about spending money you can't really afford but changing your mind about the rest of your life on that basis- seems a bit OTT unless there is more to the story.

Please bear in mind people need very little reason to declare ltb on here!