Aibu to cancel wedding that's in 9 days

[9daystillwedding]

We are struggling for money at the moment but we didn't want to cancel the wedding and lose the money we had already paid so we have managed to scrape it together and we are eloping just us, our toddler and our parents.

My partner is having a week off work so we need to budget for that week and at the moment living pay check to pay check.

His stag do is tonight and he's spent 230 at a strip club plus around 200 for food and drinks, way over the budget we have agreed meaning we are going to struggle the next 3 weeks now because of this and our going to have to limit the things we do on our trip when we get married.

I'm not ok that firstly he spent so much more than agreed and secondly I'm not ok that he went to the strip club. He didn't discuss going there with me and I'm 100 percent certain he knows I wouldnt be comfortable with it.

I'm considering cancelling the wedding and saying we need to work on things before we can discuss marriage again

Aibu?

My banking app updates within seconds of anything being spent. Don’t start doubting the OP about this. I never fail to be surprised when people doubt others on here because they just have no knowledge or experience of the things being discussed.

OP do not marry him.

I wouldn’t marry a man who would spend £430+ on a night out for himself at a time when we were struggling for money, especially if we had a child. His priorities are completely wrong.

Sorry OP.

The relationship might end at some point and you will have better legal protection as a wife than as a girlfriend.

Not if he racks up debts it’s not.

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about your reasons, if you are not certain about marrying him, then you must cancel the wedding. Honestly, it' better to cancel now than to regret marrying him later.

I'm curious...are you surprised OP?

Looking back at my past relationships it would have been 100% out of character for most but not surprising at all for one of them...the strip club and spending I mean. The answer to that question might give you the answer as to whether you should marry him.

I get instant alerts with Halifax too, not sure why people are suprised at that in 2021!

Agree with anyone who's said losing the wedding deposits is cheaper than the inevitable divorce.

I wouldn't marry a man who went to a strip club. I disagree with them on a fundamental level so if my dh thought it was ok to go to one he can do it as a single man.

@Needapoodle

I wouldn't marry a man who went to a strip club. I disagree with them on a fundamental level so if my dh thought it was ok to go to one he can do it as a single man.

Same here. It's ok for it to be a dealbreaker morally. Let alone when the money isn't there to fund the misogyny which just adds a whole level of selfishness to it all. Ugh.

Do you have a friends number?

You need to muster your self-respect. Do you really see him as husband and father material; and someone for whom you can have lifelong respect, who will bring up your children in a mature way? Maybe you deserve something better.

I would be very upset with the decisions your partner has made tonight too, but I would wait to talk to him calmly before making any decisions. Peer pressure can be massive at stags. I am not trying to excuse his behaviour at the end of the day he is an adult but just wait and talk to him first.

Aw you poor thing. I agree yanbu.
I do think you should still have that day to yourself that you had planned. You deserve something. He's a selfish bastard

He's blown your budget and ruined your wedding plans and time off. Breezily ask him if he had a good time and then tell him the wedding is off and he can do the honours of ringing round cancelling stuff and letting people know. Selfish b*stard.

£200 on food?

White powdery food, maybe....

@jpclarke

I would be very upset with the decisions your partner has made tonight too, but I would wait to talk to him calmly before making any decisions. Peer pressure can be massive at stags. I am not trying to excuse his behaviour at the end of the day he is an adult but just wait and talk to him first.

Peer pressure can be massive at stags. I am not trying to excuse his behaviour at the end of the day he is an adult but just wait and talk to him first.

It's pathetic. Peer pressure to go, to then spend HUNDREDS of pounds of your own money (which means having private dances, even more disgusting of him) and it's all money they don't have. It's ok for that to be a dealbreaker.

Google reviews say its £10 for a dance downstairs in front of everyone so god knows what he's paid for!

Talk to him first.

Can you find out what else they can pay for

@Mrs08

£200 on food?

White powdery food, maybe....

It was £200 for food earlier today, beer all day and then food again this evening as well as the strip club payments. I'm assuming he's using his credit card now as I've cleaned out the account so it wouldn't surprise me if he's withdrew on his credit card for that

Is there any chance he’s making all the payments but his friends will make transfers to him / give him cash?

@9daystillwedding

Google reviews say its £10 for a dance downstairs in front of everyone so god knows what he's paid for!

Private dances.

Also, it could genuinely be the strip club wasn't planned but a spur of the moment / pressure from friends thing, hence why you didn’t know about it?

@MsHedgehog

Also, it could genuinely be the strip club wasn't planned but a spur of the moment / pressure from friends thing, hence why you didn’t know about it?

Would you want to marry a man that weak willed he not only went along with going but spend HUNDREDS while there?!

@MsHedgehog

Is there any chance he’s making all the payments but his friends will make transfers to him / give him cash?

I doubt it his friends are bit more financially stable and are 12 years older than us I don't see then doing that