To ask Friend A why she excluded me from Friend Best hen party

[Rooree2609]

So basically I have two friends we will call them friend A and Friend B

I became friends with friend B through friend A and we've all been friends now for 15 years ( became friends as teenagers)

Over the years on a few occasions Friend A has done a few not so nice things to friend B and I and at one point Friend B considered ending the friendship with Friend A however I said we should meet up and try and salvage it
At this point friend B and I where closer
We did manage to salvage the friendship

However not long after I got married to DH and had my first DS
After this Friend A and Friend B who both live in the city became closer and I noticed myself left out often which was OK at first as I was the only married one with a child etc

However I've always made a effort to see them both and pre covid we had started to see each other more

A week before lockdown one Friend B announced she was engaged .. and of course had covid not happened I assumed I'd see her have wedding chat etc

Covid did happen and I fell pregnant with DS2 and I didn't see her meanwhile friend A told me she had offered to help with wedding planning etc
So it came as no surprise that Friend A was bridesmaid etc
I still of course thought I'd be invited to the wedding if covid allowed it
And both friend A and friend B visited baby once covid rules allowed and we spoke about the wedding

I then got a invite to the hen through a group chat organised by friend A which I said I would make without fail and couldn't wait
I even suggested places to host it etc

The wedding invite came too BTW just to make it clear I am going to wedding

A couple of weeks later Friend A told me the original hen idea was cancelled and removed me from the group she told me she'd let me know if something else was arranged

I then met friend A last weekend and when I tried to talk about wedding she changed subject
I wanted to ask what was happening with the hen but I hate awkwardness so I didn't it

Friend B then messaged me days ago and she spoke about how she couldn't wait to see me at hen

Stupid me assuming friend A would let me know about hen didn't even think I wouldn't be there so I said I wouldn't miss it

I honestly assumed it hadn't be re arranged yet and I'd be there

Then last night up pops friend As story and there is friend Bs hen in full swing in a venue I recommend with about ten girls there including friend As sisters who aren't even close to Friend B

I actually felt my heart sink and felt really hurt I couldn't believe it

Now friend A over the years has sometimes excluded me and I've justified it that it's because I'm a mum maybe she thought I wouldn't want to it come etc
But each time she's did this it's hurt and DH has said to call her out
But I hate confrontation so I've left it and kept my feelings to myself

But now I feel so hurt that I'm missing a valued friends hen party who clearly thought I'd be there
And I wonder if I should ask Friend A why she removed me from the hen plans and excluded me ?
My only thought is maybe it bothered her that she introduced to me to friend B and for several years friend B and I ended up closer ?

They have both acted badly towards you. You don’t need friends like that. You’ve had some good times in the past but that’s now come to an end. Move on and look at starting new friendships. Best wishes to you.

Have you seen either of these 'friends' since then OP?

@happygoluckylulul no I haven't

I was meant to see friend A but I cancelled as I don't even know what to say to her
Friend B the bride I actually tried to plan to see and we initially did arrange something but she cancelled and said she's so busy until wedding

However I've seen her and friend A out together so clearly something is amiss with Friend B

And at this point I have no idea what and can only conclude these friendships have died

I'm so sorry, I hope it's not left you too upset, this sort of thing can really hurt :(
I guess it's all become a bit clearer in terms of the friendships though. Sending hugs!

OP,
Do yourself a favour and ditch that wedding and those two, and focus on new friendships.

@happygoluckylulul thank you... I did actually have a 5 minute cry however rather I know before spending on wedding gifts etc
Worse things in life
@billy1966 I have no intention of going to the wedding now, definitely time to focus on other friendships

Wow, what a pair of bitches. As upsetting as it is, you're well rid of them. I'd block them both on all platforms and wouldn't as much as send a good luck text for the bitch Bs wedding.

@Rooree2609 I'm so sorry - these two sound extremely false.
I'm also sorry that you found out coming up to a special occasion that you'd been looking forward to

Really sorry to hear that OP. Very hurtful. Part of me still thinks B may not be a horrible person but just very deluded by A at present. (She'll realise what A's like eventually though!)
I was wondering about whether you were going to the wedding (as maybe if you went, it would possibly help to correct whatever false narrative A has spun)... however seeing your choice not to go, I do think that's the right choice. You have to be true to how you feel and the truth is that you feel hurt by both A and B. Plus, if you went, you'd have to totally blank A, which might be awkward. Hopefully B will note your absence and realise, if not now then at some point, that she was wrong to listen to A. But your decision to leave them to it is right, as you have tried with the bride and haven't got anywhere. If you kept trying at present, it would all continue to be hampered and messed up by A. B has chosen to believe her, so for now she's made her bed. I hope her eyes are opened soon... nobody deserves a friend like A!!

I think you’ve come to a good decision having had some time to process what has happened. Even if things between you and B are salvageable some time in the future, it is going to be too awkward and raw to attend the wedding right now.

The question now is how are you going to tell B? I think this would be the opportunity to say something along the lines of not wanting to bring the hurt at being deliberately excluded to her happy day.

Sending you lots and lots of hugs, OP. You sound like a really thoughtful friend, I'm so sorry this has happened. TBH, I don't think you would even enjoy the wedding with all this hanging over you and these friendships. I have had to let friendships go in the past. Still think about it but it's all about self-preservation. No doubt, Friend B will come running back if she falls pregnant, but I honestly wouldn't bother with her. She's chosen who she wants to believe. Nurture your other friend circles instead, and be with people who respect and care for you.

I would still go to the wedding ceremony and wish her well, but not have anything to do with the other ‘friend’ ever again.

OP, I think you’ve acted really well in giving friend B another chance to redeem herself. You’ve got your answer whilst still being the bigger person. You can walk away with your head held high.

I recently had a conversation with some women I’ve met through my pregnancy and realised how many of us struggle with friendships as an adult. It’s more common than you realise. I’m sure you will find better, more meaningful relationships now you can focus your time on people who will reciprocate. Sorry you’ve had to go through this xxxx

OP,
Good call.

B is a false friend so no point in bothering any futher.

You are dead right to not waste your money on a wedding.

I could see B coming back when pregnant but people like that are users.
Best to move on.

You sound like a lovely woman.

Sorry op that’s not nice.💐💐

@3luckystars

I would still go to the wedding ceremony and wish her well, but not have anything to do with the other ‘friend’ ever again.

Why though? She's just binned op off and has been out with friend A after telling op she didn't have time to meet up before the wedding. Clearly she has time for friend A though I wouldn't waste the cost of a card on her, let alone go to the wedding.

I know. But the op is not like her.
That’s just what I would do, and I’m often wrong but not going to a wedding is something that can’t be undone ever. I wouldn’t prove them right by acting mean.

Op you do sound lovely. All the best and I hope you make nicer friends who treat you well.

It sounds to me like friend A wouldn't even care or notice if the OP were at her wedding or not. OP, I wouldn't waste my time (or money) going to this wedding when the bride obviously has so little respect for you. You owe her nothing in this regard.

elaeocarpus is right, I reckon.

A is two faced and probably a mad narcissist. I would quietly remove her from my life forever, but without confrontation as she will try to turn others against you. Be extremely boring to her in future; if she tries to get you out, say you're knitting or cleaning.

You might miss the friend you THOUGHT you had...who doesn't exist. But after a couple of weeks, you won't think about her.

Let friend B know you weren't invited to hen without blame, and move on with her only.

It's a shame, but some people cannot share or love.