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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask how to stop DD taking my things?

258 replies

iseedeadpeoplehelp · 07/08/2021 07:38

DD almost 15 takes my stuff on a regular basis. I am 53 and enjoy my clothes/fashion etc. She is the same size as me so my clothes seem to be fair game to her. But she doesn't look after them! She will wear things once and throw it on the floor or play with the dog and get it covered in dog hair.
Then there are things like my shampoo, hair not great so the stuff I get doesn't foam up but when she took it she used half the bottle to get a lather and it was quite expensive. Dry shampoo, deodorant, perfume and replacement items for the make up I use disappears when she finds my stuff.
Most annoying is when she takes my tweezers, I am of an age where I need to remove those blasted chin hairs when I find one not have to hunt around for them!
Yesterday she had a friend over and by the time I got home her friend was also dressed in my clothes!
I am at my wits end. It's not like she needs my stuff, I buy her stuff as soon as she lets me know she needs it, but it makes no difference.
The only time I managed to stop her was when I found her with a pair of stockings she was wearing as 'long socks'. Told her they were for my 'sexy time' and she couldn't get them off quick enough!
Please give me some advice oh wise women of Mumsnet.

OP posts:
ancientgran · 07/08/2021 10:48

I think having your things in her room is just too confusing. Is there any cheap way of getting more storage? When my DD outgrew her wardrobe space we bought a clothes rail from Amazon, I think it was about £20, when DH wanted more storage we bought a chest of drawers from a charity shop, again about £20.

It would just make things clearer for both of you. Not sure how to deal with the shampoo issue, I use expensive shampoo and that would really annoy me.

diddl · 07/08/2021 10:51

I can't see the problem with her having the bigger room.

But if she won't keep out of Op's wardrobe then she shouldn't keep it imo.

Do you have any of your clothes in your room?

Is there anything of yours that she wouldn't wear & that you don't use often that you could store in her room?

crowsfeet57 · 07/08/2021 10:52

Take back the master bedroom, you made a big sacrifice for her and she hasn't appreciated it. There's no point in moaning about her taking your clothes and making it easy for her by keeping them in her room.

Things like expensive shampoos etc lock in the boot of your car, put a set of tweezers in your handbag. Teenagers are like toddlers, there is no point in just telling them.

2bazookas · 07/08/2021 11:03

Wear her favourite outfit for your sexy time. Borrow her phone (don't ask permission., don't mention, and don't return it. When she asks, tell her you lost or broke it.

 When she pauses screaming and ranting for breath, you say " Now you know exactly  how I feel when you take my stuff".
2bazookas · 07/08/2021 11:06

Reclaim YOUR master bedroom and tell her, she won't be needing it for sleepovers as her friends are banned for taking your stuff.

Grow a backbone! You're behaving like a doormat. no wonder she walks all over you.

Dobbyisahouseelf · 07/08/2021 11:08

Sounds like you have totally indulged your DD and as a result she thinks she is in charge. Time to take back control and move back into the main bedroom and tell her that she can borrow the odd item but with permission.

My DD and I are similar sizes so she does borrow a few of my things but I would not be happy if she a) didn't ask or b) didn't take care with my possessions.

Plumtree391 · 07/08/2021 11:19

Your daughter should not be treating your clothes with such disregard, that is disrespectful - just plain wrong. However toiletries are usually communal in a household, if you have something special for your use only, keep it safe and take into bathroom when you need it (I realise you shouldn't have to do that, just saying should be sufficient but that obviously doesn't work here).

Surely she can have her own tweezers, most do at her age plus other manicure and grooming items.

Original poster
iseedeadpeoplehelp · 07/08/2021 11:28

She has all of those things

OP posts:
DonLewis · 07/08/2021 11:33

But her having all that stuff isn't stopping her taking your stuff.

You each need your own room that contains your own stuff. Then you keep out of each others rooms. If that needs to involve a little CK on your door, so be it.

Out of all of the ideas here, which one do you like the sound of? Because asking her not to take your stuff isn't working!

ChaToilLeam · 07/08/2021 11:37

She sounds utterly spoilt! Take back your room and stick a lock on it. She doesn’t get any sleepovers or friends visiting until her behaviour improves. If she nicks your stuff, it comes out of pocket money.

You will have a battle on your hands but that is because you have indulged her so much over the years… you will need to have a strong backbone.

SmokeyDevil · 07/08/2021 11:39

@iseedeadpeoplehelp

She has all of those things
You're just going to keep letting her walk all over you, aren't you?
Plumtree391 · 07/08/2021 11:43

@iseedeadpeoplehelp

She has all of those things
Well in that case there is no excuse, iseedeadpeoplehelp.

I don't know what to suggest because I expect you have spoken firmly to your daughter about this. Maybe deduct the cost of dry cleaning and of new tweezers and special shampoo from her allowance?

Everydayimhuffling · 07/08/2021 11:46

Honestly OP, you have essentially put a massive dressing up box in her room and then expected her not to use it. I'm not surprised she wears your clothes in that situation. You need to enforce your own space and give her her own private space, which she doesn't have if you are in there getting clothes all the time. Either swap rooms or get storage for your room. In your situation I'd swap because it should also help the rest as your perfume etc would be in your room or bathroom and she has no reason to be in there. Hide the tweezers, though. Tweezers are impossible!

MargosKaftan · 07/08/2021 11:52

Op - your options:

  1. tell her if she takes your things again, you will swap rooms back. You must be prepared to follow through the threat and swap back to give her the smaller room.

  2. remove your stuff from her room, if you can't store it all in your room, then find another space in the house to store it. But there can be nothing in her room she's not allowed to wear /use and her things are all in her room.

  3. accept the situation.

It could be on reflection, you'd rather just put up with it.

KatherineSiena · 07/08/2021 11:53

I’m sure it’s not very nice to hear your DD being called nasty names and some posters do take it too far. You say your DD is very kind, but she’s not being kind to you is she? You’ve repeatedly asked her not to take/borrow/use up products but she continues to do so.

You are enabling her entitled behaviour. I know only too well sadly when you have a sick child there can be a tendency to over compensate materially but you can’t let her rule the roost. You need to establish some firm rules and clearly the obvious solutions are the change of room and locks on doors.

OhRene · 07/08/2021 12:02

@iseedeadpeoplehelp

My clothes are in there because I let her have the master bedroom. She is an only child and I knew that she would want sleepovers with friends so it was better as also has an en-suite bathroom. The other bedroom where her clothes has a wardrobe and chest of drawers that just would not fit my things in. We are thinking of putting more storage in the smaller room but can't afford it at the minute.
Swap back then. She can't be trusted to keep your clothes in her room safe without rummaging through and taking what she wants then you take YOUR bedroom back. You're the one paying the mortgage/rent.

You are the mum. You are in charge.

OhRene · 07/08/2021 12:03

@iseedeadpeoplehelp

Haha yes but the family bathroom is much nicer than her en-suite
And you don't need to use your en-suite. You own the family bathroom too.
VioletCharlotte · 07/08/2021 12:07

This is pretty common with teens, but I agree it's annoying. Things like tweezers, make sure she has her own pair and keep yours hidden. Does she get pocket money? If so, I'd withhold it to replace anything of yours she uses up or ruins. She needs to appreciate this stuff costs money and she can't just help herself for free.

TheGumption · 07/08/2021 12:08

What a ridiculous set up. You're like her bestie/room-mate rather than her parent. I guess it's a bit late at 15 but you're raising a spoilt entitled little madam and it's not going to do her any favours. I'd be swapping the rooms back, locking my shit away and telling her in no uncertain terms to keep her hands off.

quizqueen · 07/08/2021 12:09

Lock on bathroom cabinet, lock on wardrobe door. Punishments each time she uses something without permission.

converseandjeans · 07/08/2021 12:12

I know you said she has been ill but you're not doing her any favours by allowing her to do this. Imagine if she is house sharing and does the same thing.

I can see why it made sense to give her the bigger room as teens tend to hang out more in their rooms.

You just need to move your clothes out of there & set up new storage.

As a temporary solution clothes rail & maybe some giant storage boxes from IKEA?

Bryonyshcmyony · 07/08/2021 12:19

OP, you are not raising a "spoilt entitled little madam"

Make it clear you are pissed off, take money off her if she ruins anything and remind yourself that this too shall pass

AmazingBouncingFerret · 07/08/2021 12:20

She has the master suite??

Is your daughter Regina George? Grin

PercyPigAndMe · 07/08/2021 12:21

Well, if this really is the only issue you have with her - and you state clearly it is - then you need to let it go

It's very very normal. I was always whipping my mum's stuff and drove her half mad. My daughter has just moved out at 22 and I've had years of it. Tights, socks, my make up, skin care - all sorts

It's irritating. It's annoying. But it's also only a big deal if you want it to be one isn't it?

By posting on here you are going to get all the half wits telling you how she's totally awful etc etc and what a brat she is. Because people on here like to say all manner of OTT things

If she's a good girl and you have no other problems, simply hide the stuff you really don't want to go walkabout, tell her off about the stuff that does and grit your teeth until it passes

What else can you actually do? In the grand scheme of things, this isn't a biggie

Wolfiefan · 07/08/2021 12:22

Get her out the master bedroom and away from your clothes. You need some serious boundaries.