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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel embarrassed and guilty my toddler is still in nappies

245 replies

Paint69 · 06/08/2021 20:15

Just that really. Ds is 2.5 and I've tried everything to teach him potty training, but he just doesn't get it. The health visitor has piled me with guilt saying that he needs to be potty trained before he goes to Pre-School at 3 blah blah blah. I'm surrounded by friends, whose DC were trained at 18/24 months. He is happy and healthy, just not the slightest bit interested in potty training. He's so stubborn and strong willed that I'm sure one day he will just decide to to it. But until then I do feel slightly embarrassed when family bring it up or we are at soft play etc. He is very tall and he looks older than his age and I've noticed a few judgy stares from other mums. I almost feel like there's a big competition about it amongst my 'mum's friends and I feel like people think I'm lazy or something.

OP posts:
DingDongThongs · 06/08/2021 23:40

& read I want my potty!

IAmNotAClownfish · 06/08/2021 23:42

My 3.5-year-old literally only stopped wearing nappies in the daytime 2 or 3 months ago. He still wears them at night just in case (mainly because he usually ends up in my bed and I don't fancy getting wee'd on).

He's my 3rd child and I've never "toilet trained" any of them. I wait for them to be ready and then they get it really quick, like a switch has flipped, usually around the age of 3 or so.

In other words, don't worry about it, he'll get there eventually.

HerRoyalNotness · 06/08/2021 23:42

3x3yo here. Just did it when they were ready, no point before.

A friend did hers earlier and said she was potty trained but she used to Pee herself every time we went out together, and need a change of clothes, so not in fact potty trained.

TrevorWithTheWeather · 06/08/2021 23:46

DS was 3 when we started, during lockdown last year, and he was done in a week. We had tried previously but he just wasn't ready. One of his friends is still in nappies at 4, he's just not ready to give up that comfort yet. They all do things at different times and won't do it until they're ready, don't worry!

fairybaby · 06/08/2021 23:47

Great opportunity for you to practice an I don’t care attitude. Gosh, 2.5 is so young! My son was nearly 3 and at a nursery when he finally learned to go w/o nappies. Even the teacher on his agreed he was a “special kind of stubborn”. My daughter on the other hand developed an allergy to disposable nappies and therefore quickly decided to use the potty. Same parenting, just different children ready to do things at different stages. Ain’t that the beauty of it? We (and them!) are all unique!

IHaveBrilloHair · 06/08/2021 23:48

Yes, HerRoyalNotness
Someone I knew back then crowed about her son being out of nappies, it was clearly aimed at me.
All that meant in reality was that he used his pants like a nappy, completely pointless

Recessed · 06/08/2021 23:49

Crazy! Most DC aren't ready until closer to 3. Why anyone would guilt you over this is beyond me. I tried my youngest at 2.5 as I was desperate for her to start preschool but she simply wasn't ready and had accidents everywhere. I left it alone, put preschool in the back burner and tried again around her third birthday - one single accident and not another one since. When they're ready there's no "training" involved, it just happens.

Anyone I know who trained their child early well it was a bit of a disaster. Loads of accidents, carrying spare clothes and potty's around with them everywhere just a big faff and regressions here and there. Ease off on your DC it's not fair to push them before they're ready.

BastardMonkfish · 06/08/2021 23:49

Summer before nursery or when they turn 3 is the norm these days.

omgthepain · 06/08/2021 23:51

My daughter was 3, I tried before and she didn't get it and then at 3 yrs, 4 months it was the Easter holiday and she cracked it within a week

It was far less stressful than weeks and months of accidents

DS is 2.5yrs I've not even bothered yet I'm waiting until he's 3 aswell

Life is stressful enough why make work for yourself they all do It when they are ready and some children are quicker than others but don't feel bad about it xx

GrandTheftWalrus · 07/08/2021 00:18

We tried dd when she was 2.5 and she used the potty then had an accident and it set her back. She was about 3.5 when she was fully dry during the day, she done it herself and nearly 4 being dry at night.

I felt she was too old at 3 to be in nappies but we left it to her and she done it no problem.

MrsApplepants · 07/08/2021 00:23

He’s perfectly normal, he will get there when he is ready. Relax and tell anyone who judges to piss off.

ribbonsred · 07/08/2021 00:27

For goodness sake. My boys were 3.5 and 4 when they switched from pull ups to pants.

Walkoflife · 07/08/2021 00:41

My youngest boy took a while to “get it” so he started school nursery still in pull ups,he was eventually fully toilet trained during the day a couple of months before he turned 4.

I found once he was trained though he rarely had accidents which I think was due to not rushing it and waiting till he was ready.

I remember feeling how you do though that people are judging you but try to not it bother you as you know he will get there eventually
Good luck!

CecilyP · 07/08/2021 06:28

Just that really. Ds is 2.5 and I've tried everything to teach him potty training, but he just doesn't get it. The health visitor has piled me with guilt saying that he needs to be potty trained before he goes to Pre-School at 3

An awful lot can change between 2.5 and 3 years. It’s not a cumulative thing - rather once they’ve cracked it, that’s it. I tried with DS at 2.4 - complete disaster, the again 2 months later and that was it. Such a non-event, I can’t even offer any advice.

Your friends sound unusual, I certainly didn’t any mums whose babies were out of nappies by 18-24 months.

TabithaTiger · 07/08/2021 06:33

Please try not to worry. My boys were both between 2.5-3 when they were fully potting trained. My Health Visitor said that boys are often later than girls. She explained how the muscles and nerves all have to join up with the brain, and until this happens, they won't get the feeling they need to go. She was very clear it's down to out physical make up rather than intelligence!

wincarwoo · 07/08/2021 06:38

@BlueSurfer

I am amazed people even notice, let alone judge. He’s 2.5; there will be plenty of children older in nappies and plenty who were “trained” when younger and having endless accidents and on medication because they withhold poo as they were trained too soon.

You sound stressed about it which is the opposite of how you went to approach toilet training. Even if your child was out of nappies, I’m sure it would just give you something else to focus on that you think he should be doing.

Trained too soon? I've never heard of any negative consequences of potty training too soon. Too late, yes.

I too found the "Oh crap book" really helpful. Great troubleshooting tips.

user1499291455 · 07/08/2021 06:41

I was was a HV and all children are different. Some are ready at 2.5 some are not. Just watch for signs of when they're ready. I'm sure nursery will support you if you still need it at 3.

wincarwoo · 07/08/2021 06:44

@MissChanandlerBong22

I actually don’t know any child who was potty trained much before 2.5 years. Actually I know one parent who forced it around 2 - her daughter is now 3.5 and she bitterly regrets it as they’re still having trouble (which she thinks is related to introducing it too young).
Both mine trained at 2 years 2 months in three days. First one zero accidents and dry at night too. Second a few more accidents and longer to be dry at night. Oh crap potty training book was amazing.
mayblossominapril · 07/08/2021 06:45

DS was 3.5 years, we had tried a few times before but not succeeded. I thought I was going to be the only parent that had failed to potty train in lockdown! Got there in the end as you will

wincarwoo · 07/08/2021 06:45

@Twizbe

As pp said. Those that 'train' early, aren't trained.

My son was almost 3 when it clicked for him. We tried at 2.5 and he just wasn't ready.

My son is also very tall. He's 4 but looks 6/7. We got those looks too, but it is what it is.

"Those that train early aren't trained". Such BS
Tablow · 07/08/2021 06:47

Nursery pushed us into it with DD at 2.5. we had to endure a year of accidents. She'd be dry for a week, then have an accident, then dry, then a random accident. For months and months and months. It was so dispirating and also stressful for her.

With Ds I am determined to leave it until 3. I just don't see the point of going through that again and tbh find nappies so much easier when wanting to go out and about.

Twizbe · 07/08/2021 07:57

@wincarwoo yet many other posters on here demonstrate what that means.

They were encourage to train before the child was ready and endured a much longer period of accidents. The poster above me (a childcare professional) mentioned that in reality those 'trained' children are really just rushed to the toilet and wees caught.

To be trained the child needs to be able to clear communicate with the parent that they need to go and be able to hold it until getting to the toilet.

Peeceandquite · 07/08/2021 08:02

I haven't read the whole thread but my DS has just turned 3 and we are really struggling. He just doesn't want to do it. Starts pre-school in September and they want him toilet trained obviously. Now going to read the whole thread to see if there are any tips!

Crayfishforyou · 07/08/2021 08:04

My dd was just over 3. In every way she was completely normal. All my friends children had been trained for months by then.
She started using the loo 3 days before she started nursery and we only had a handful of accidents.
She’s only been dry at night for the last few months and she’s almost 9.
Some things just take their own time.

Lachimolala · 07/08/2021 08:13

None of mine have ever been able to grasp it under 3. My eldest was exactly 3, middle 3.5ish and youngest is 2 and thinks the toilet is a giant paddling pool. I’m not concerned at all, they’ll get there in their own time.