To feel embarrassed and guilty my toddler is still in nappies

[Paint69]

Just that really. Ds is 2.5 and I've tried everything to teach him potty training, but he just doesn't get it. The health visitor has piled me with guilt saying that he needs to be potty trained before he goes to Pre-School at 3 blah blah blah. I'm surrounded by friends, whose DC were trained at 18/24 months. He is happy and healthy, just not the slightest bit interested in potty training. He's so stubborn and strong willed that I'm sure one day he will just decide to to it. But until then I do feel slightly embarrassed when family bring it up or we are at soft play etc. He is very tall and he looks older than his age and I've noticed a few judgy stares from other mums. I almost feel like there's a big competition about it amongst my 'mum's friends and I feel like people think I'm lazy or something.

DS trained at 2.5 tried earlier, loads of accidents even at home not worth it. Tried again six months later when I noticed his nappy was staying dry food longer periods, just at home nappy free at first, he got it really quickly, when they're ready they're ready. I know people who say oh she's been toilet trained since before she was two, well actually she has accidents multiple times a week six months later, so she wasn't trained you just don't put a nappy on her there's a difference. My friend's son was really resistant then just around 3 he said I'm a big boy now I don't need nappies and trained really quickly. No point forcing the issue and causing anxiety and hang ups.

18/24 months?! They are lying. Most children start between 2.5/3 years old and if they're not ready you just leave it for a bit then try again. It's definitely not a race and these are not the sort of people I'd be spending any time with if they are really comparing potty training ages and passing judgement. There are much more normal mums out there who I would make friends with! He will get it when he's ready, honestly don't worry. I have a 26 month old who is starting to have a go but we're in no rush and he's just learning. I definitely won't be pushing him. When he's ready you will know. And that health visitor is talking rubbish - a decent preschool setting will be supportive of your child at whatever stage he is at and if they're not you need to find a different one.

People are weirdly competitive. When they're all 10, no one will remember who learned to poo in the loo first x

Lots of parents try and potty train when their child isn’t ready and goes onto to having endless wet pants/clothes and accidents and traipsing everywherefor months with a potty. If you leave it a bit later you may find your child when he is ready,will become dry quicker because you waited until he was ready.Ignore anyone that pushes you- do it at your child’s pace

Well 20 years ago that was a totally normal age,have things really changed ?

Both of mine were 3. One is now at Oxbridge

Doesn’t mean they are lying, I know people whose kids were potty trained at 18 months..

You would know if they were lying as well because it’s obvious when a kid is wearing a nappy 🤣

This is one of those that every child is different, there is no right or wrong. They need to be dry to start school not pre school. But just double check that there is not a policy at that pre school that they should be. And day time is completely different to nights. Nights can be many more years till the hormone kicks in and are dry at night. All normal.

If you think that's judgey, I have a nearly 6 year old with invisible SEN and she is still in nappies. You should hear what the dickheads out there have to say to us! 2.5 is fine to still be in nappies tell them all to fuck off

@Bigchicken

why would people lie about it?
my mum said that my sister was 13m old when she refused to have a nappy put on her. she just ripped it off one day because she wanted to go on the potty like I did (I'm 16m older). and that was that.

one of my nephews did the same at 15m and I know a few other kids who were totally potty trained before they turned 2 - I witnessed these and have zero reason to lie.
you may choose to not believe it of course.
but that doesn't change facts

4 children here and all of them were well over 3 before they were trained.
The eldest was a good 3 1/2.
He understood well but had absolutely zero interest.
It took me buying a toy he wanted, showing it to him and telling him he could have it when he used the loo for a couple of days.
20 minutes later he pulled off his nappy and did a poo.
No issue whatsoever.
He was instantly completely trained.
Never had a wet pull up at night.
He just had zero interest until he did.

2.5 is very young.
I wouldn't even try till he is at least 3.

Don't stress if you can.

@PumpkinKlNG

I don’t think 2 and a half is bad?! But yes people do judge my mum was going on about how awful it was when she saw a 3 year old in nappies, had to remind her that some children have sen etc

Yeah and some children are just not ready sen or not

Don't worry about it, OP. He'll totally get there in his own time

• Anordinarymum

PumpkinKlNG
I don’t think 2 and a half is bad?! But yes people do judge my mum was going on about how awful it was when she saw a 3 year old in nappies, had to remind her that some children have sen etc hmm
Yeah and some children are just not ready sen or not*

NO need to be snippy! I only mentioned sen because my own daughter is autistic and was in nappies till 4 so I took it as a bit of a personal dig knowing that she knew that, so no need for your snippy comment!

Mine were all 3 when toilet trained. They weren't ready prior to that so there was no point forcing the issue. Give your dc another few months and no doubt it will be much easier.

As my mum puts it down to lazy parenting, and doesn’t accept children “not being ready” my mums comment not mine hence me pointing out it’s not always a case of lazy parenting!

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

Well 20 years ago that was a totally normal age,have things really changed ?

There is the 2 spectrums to this. Those that see it as a parenting competition (and want to save money on nappies) and those that are too lazy to bother so schools were having non SEN children starting in nappies.

Mine were both 3.5. DS has autism, so not unexpected. DD is neurotypical and would probably be described advanced in many ways, but she simply could not potty train before then. I’d relax and try again in a few months if I were you.

DS was 3 and I had to pretty much force him into it as I was having DD and couldn’t face 2 in nappies. I used the Gina Ford book about potty training in a week (much better than her other book, honest) and had it cracked within 4 days. They have to be ready, there’s no point trying before then really,

I haven't read the replies you've had but wanted to say - please do not feel embarrassed or worried.

I was pregnant again when both of my older two were 2.5 and nursery kept telling me I should start. I couldn't face it so left it till age 3 and it was great. We stayed in for a weekend and they mainly cracked it. We didn't have weeks and months of accidents and regressions. I have a 2 year old now and I'll be waiting till he's 3, not even going to attempt it and I have no idea why people stress themselves with it all. They all learn eventually.

My kids were closer to three. They both just ' got it' within a week or so.
I just don't understand doing it all so early, when they are not ready, and making everyone's life a misery over it.

Ha @Piccalino3
Nearly identical posts

Eh

Watch Elmo goes Potty on Youtube