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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

999 replies

crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:01

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

OP posts:
Ofnorman · 06/08/2021 13:02

Why on earth did you feel the need to comment?

thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 06/08/2021 13:03

Absolutely none of your business and I can't believe you voiced your opinion to her!

WhatsAppening · 06/08/2021 13:03

Well you are judgemental and shockingly rude.

It’s well within natural term breastfeeding and it’s only modern western culture that has made it ‘weird’.

What on Earth possessed you to say this to her? Are you very young?

Original poster
crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:04

@Ofnorman, because she wanted to breastfeed in front of me at my house and I said I thought it's a bit strange that she still breast feeds an almost 5 year old? I mean, I'd happily apologise for offending her but not for my opinion...

OP posts:
ChaosMoon · 06/08/2021 13:04

It was none of your business. How on earth did you think she'd take it?

MrsGarethSouthgate · 06/08/2021 13:04

This is the kind of comment that you might well think, but there is absolutely no need to voice it out loud. You don’t have the kind of relationship where you can offer your opinions on her parenting uninvited. You were rude in doing so.

Original poster
crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:04

@WhatsAppening if I am rude then so be it... I suppose Confused

OP posts:
Notajogger · 06/08/2021 13:05

Of course you needn't and shouldn't have said any of that to her!!

Ofnorman · 06/08/2021 13:05

[quote crazymicrowave123]@Ofnorman, because she wanted to breastfeed in front of me at my house and I said I thought it's a bit strange that she still breast feeds an almost 5 year old? I mean, I'd happily apologise for offending her but not for my opinion...[/quote]
Well that worked out well for you didn't it.

TiredButDancing · 06/08/2021 13:05

While I agree with you re BF that much at that age, you were 100% out of line to say anything. How she feeds her child is entirely up to her.

She's ridiculous for blocking your entire family (I assume your parents too?).

I'd apologise, if only to make it so that your parents can maintain their relationship with her (if they want to). But accept that any apology will still fall a bit flat because she knows that you have and are judging her. Best you can do is apologise for commenting which is small comfort.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 06/08/2021 13:05

Generally if you want someone to employ you then it is better not to comment judgementally on their parenting.

WhatsAppening · 06/08/2021 13:06

You don’t think it’s rude to comment on someone else’s parenting choices? Would you comment on their weight, or hairstyle?

Username916 · 06/08/2021 13:06

How rude. Absolutely none of your business.

Original poster
crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:06

@TiredButDancing I feel a bit guilty but my parents are closer to her than I am and she didn't like how honest and judgemental they are and decided she no longer wants to associate with the family.

OP posts:
Imcatmum · 06/08/2021 13:07

Yep, one for keeping in your head.

GurlwiththeCurl · 06/08/2021 13:08

Have you any DC of your own, OP? If so, did you breastfeed any of them?

Unless you have any experience of child rearing and/or feeding, I don’t really think you are entitled to any opinion on the subject of your former friends personal choices for her child. And as for voicing them to her…

Original poster
crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:08

@Imcatmum Yup realise that!

OP posts:
thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 06/08/2021 13:08

and that she will do so at my house before she leaves

because she wanted to breastfeed in front of me at my house

So didn't say she wanted to breastfeed in front of you though did she?

JazzerMcCreary · 06/08/2021 13:09

Whilst unusual, it is within the biological norm and you were rude to voice your opinion.

Next time something you are not familiar with or makes you uncomfortable comes up, maybe you could try asking questions or doing some research rather than making judgements based on no evidence.

Icecreamsoda99 · 06/08/2021 13:09

You told her that you and your family think it's strange, which makes it sound like you all have had a good gossip about her. Why did you feel a need to express this? And couldn't you just have excused yourself from the room when she did it?

softplay999 · 06/08/2021 13:09

That's so rude of you! You should definitely be apologizing.

DoodleBelle · 06/08/2021 13:09

Very rude, you owe her an apology.

Cocomade · 06/08/2021 13:09

You need to say sorry

ajja2021 · 06/08/2021 13:09

Personally it's not for me, but I would never ever pass comment on anyone else doing it. I'm pro breastfeeding, I was unable to continue past 4 months so kudos to anyone who can go that long!

I do think you were BU in commenting, it just isn't anyone's business and if you don't like it, or if like me it just isn't for you then that's okay but you don't need to make her feel uncomfortable about it

SmallChairs · 06/08/2021 13:10

Yes, why say anything? She wasn’t asking for your permission or approval. What you said (on behalf of your family?) sounds quite weird too. Like a party political broadcast.