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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

999 replies

crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:01

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

OP posts:
TheGenealogist · 06/08/2021 13:30

when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

Mind your own business! How dare you tell her what she can and cannot do in her own home? So gracious of you to "not object" to that. I would have been less polite and told you to fuck off and take your judgement with you.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 06/08/2021 13:31

Yes why would you be uncomfortable with someone breastfeeding in the same room as you? Are you scared they'd offer you some?

Sparklfairy · 06/08/2021 13:31

because my family are kinda harsh and very honest

"honest" is often an excuse for not bothering with manners, tact and diplomacy. These are basic social skills.

MoiraRose4 · 06/08/2021 13:31

Unreasonable. Rude. A whole host of other words could also be applied. I’d cut you off too.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 06/08/2021 13:31

OP, when you found out she still breastfeeds her 4 year old, did you genuinely say "my family and I think it's a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school, but I don't object to you doing so before leaving"? I'm struggling to imagine how you thought that would go down, other than exactly the way it has.

SleepingStandingUp · 06/08/2021 13:32

@sst1234

Women who do this are weird, no getting around that. Reminds me of the Little Britain sketch with David Williams.
Why? In what way?
Sometimeswinning · 06/08/2021 13:32

You don't have every right to voice your opinion. Keep it to yourself!

I think you'll find I do!

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 06/08/2021 13:32

How did you think it was going to go?
Ah yes you're right I had never considered that, I'll stop bf now, thank you for letting me know how weird I am.

ShaneTheThird · 06/08/2021 13:32

You shouldn't have said it to her but it is weird as fuck.

NuffSaidSam · 06/08/2021 13:33

'It is not normal to breast feed at that age in advanced economies,'

It's certainly not common.

But that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with it.

Your role as a parent is to do what is best for your child not try desperately to be 'normal', by which you mean 'do what most people do'. Do what's right for your family regardless of whether it's 'normal' or not.

eightyfourandahalf · 06/08/2021 13:33

good grief

of course keep your opinion to yourself,

but frankly, lucky escape! You can imagine the parenting of someone who BF at 4 year old, you don't want to be responsible or try to look after such a child. Not their fault, but too much of a handful, not worth the money.

elenacampana · 06/08/2021 13:33

It’s the kind of view you keep to yourself OP. I find it pretty weird as well, but I’d keep it inside my head.

JMKid · 06/08/2021 13:34

I wouldn't apologise and totally agree with you OP. Absolutely no need to BF at that age. It's clearly all about the mother wanting the child to stay a baby.

3WildOnes · 06/08/2021 13:34

Really rude. I have a friend who has let all of her children wean naturally, one of them fed until she was 6. I probably wouldn’t choose to breastfeed for that long but I don’t judge her decision to do so.
Breastfeeding doesn’t stop having benefits in infancy. A child’s immune system isn’t fully developed until they are 6ish so they will benefit for the antibodies in breast milk.

DemBonesDemBones · 06/08/2021 13:34

I wouldn't want you to babysit my children if you'd bitched about my parenting behind my back, either. As for you saying you'd accept her feeding her own child in her own house...I'm genuinely lost for words.

EleanorOlephantisjustfine · 06/08/2021 13:34

You’re right, it’s totally strange but you absolutely shouldn’t have said a word about it. It’s one of those things it’s taboo to comment on. It would have made me uncomfortable but I would have just excused myself and made myself busy in another room.

Her reaction does seem a bit extreme though.

StormyTeacups · 06/08/2021 13:34

Feel free to voice an opinion. Feel free to have others tell you to fuck off however.

You have the right to an opinion, but not necessarily the right to hurt others with it.

DemBonesDemBones · 06/08/2021 13:34

Sorry read that wrong, it was at your house. Still completely bizarre you'd object to this.

WeDidntMeanToGoToSea · 06/08/2021 13:35

Oh OP. You need to grovel. You and your whole family felt entitled to comment on this and call it strange? Shock

The 'unnecessary' thing is always one that gets me. Adults are always doing unnecessary things because they enjoy them. When it involves a child and a mother's breasts, suddenly it's wrong (as that's really what's behind the 'strange' and 'unnecessary' talk)?

One of mine went on until four and a half (the other two stopped at 3 and 3 and a half). We were both ready for it to stop when it did, but I can see how a different child might have carried on for another few months at least.

The fat that she explained it to you so thoroughly suggests she is used to these kinds of reactions. She trusted you and you labelled her strange and discussed it with your family. I wouldn't be associating with you again either without a fulsome apology.

StormyTeacups · 06/08/2021 13:35

Why would it make you uncomfortable? How is it 'totally strange'? That implies some sort of consensus.

NuffSaidSam · 06/08/2021 13:35

'I think you'll find I do!'

I think you'll find you don't actually.

Not morally and often not legally. Some opinions need to be kept to yourself.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 06/08/2021 13:35

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

Yes why would you be uncomfortable with someone breastfeeding in the same room as you? Are you scared they'd offer you some?
😂😂😂

Images of have a soggy nipple waggled in my direction

Greenmarmalade · 06/08/2021 13:35

I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving

As if you’re doing her a favour in not ‘objecting’ to her feeding her child how she chooses

Soubriquet · 06/08/2021 13:35

Well yes you were unreasonable and I’m glad you’ve realised so

Apologise to her. Don’t make excuses or say “well Coco still does it so I guess it’s ok”

Just apologise.

“I’m sorry for my comment. I shouldn’t have said anything and you are perfectly in your own right to parent your child”

Booboobadoo · 06/08/2021 13:35

OP you have decided that there is an acceptable age for babies to be breastfed up to as you bf your baby up to the age of 1 and said bf at 4 is 'unnecessary'. People clearly have different ideas as to what is acceptable - for instance, some people would think that bf beyond 6 months is unnecessary, or bf at all. But they have made the decision to bf for an extended period and to comment on this seems a bit odd. I bf for aeons, though had never planned to. Some of my family and friends thought it was weird, but I didn't mind, I was happy with my decision not to stop until DC wanted to.