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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

999 replies

crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:01

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

OP posts:
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 06/08/2021 13:17

I'd have cancelled you and cut contact too. Full term breastfeeding is normal and I'm sorry you've been socialised to think breasts are so sexual. You owe them an apology.

Original poster
crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:17

@Ozanj I have but stopped at 1 years old. I wasn't upfront or rude, it was more in a jokey way but I admit I should have just kept my mouth shut

OP posts:
Hyppogriff · 06/08/2021 13:17

You were being unreasonable for expressing any view really as it’s none of your business to say anything.

My personal view is that it’s very weird at that stage but I wouldn’t say that to anyone who wasn’t family (and even then i probably
Wouldn’t !)

Knittingupastorm · 06/08/2021 13:17

I wouldn’t pass comment but inside I would be mortified at a four year old being breastfed four times a day.

You’d be mortified? Why would it make you very embarrassed or ashamed?

Original poster
crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:18

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop nothing to do with breasts being sexual just think its unnecessary after a certain age.

OP posts:
backinthebox · 06/08/2021 13:18

First rule of parent club is never to criticise other parents' parenting choices*. It's unusual to be breastfeeding a 4yo, most people (including me) stop years sooner than that, but what good did you think telling her she was weird for doing it was going to come from it? I would also make an instant decision that I did not want to employ someone who questions my parenting choices.

  • (unless they are posing obvious and immediate danger to a child)
Chikapu · 06/08/2021 13:18

She didn't ask for your opinion so why did you offer it? Are you one of those people that thinks they can be rude under the guise of just being really, really honest? No one likes that.

dannydyerismydad · 06/08/2021 13:18

Natural term breastfeeding can last as long as a child keeps their first set of teeth - hence the name "milk teeth". Once milk teeth are lost a child naturally loses their latch.

More children breastfeed beyond babyhood than many people realise, because as children get older, they breastfeeed less frequently, usually only evenings and mornings when mother and child are at home.

Her disclosure took you by surprise and your reaction wasn't great. However, you could use this to learn more about natural term breastfeeding, apologise to her, and let her know that her disclosure has helped you to understand and normalise natural term breastfeeding. If you still value her friendship.

WeatheringStorms22 · 06/08/2021 13:19

The thing is op, having an 'honest opinion' on something is a bit like having a poo.

You're more than welcome to have one - but probably best kept in private.

Lavender24 · 06/08/2021 13:19

You were totally unreasonable to comment like that and should apologise. Some thoughts don't need to be said out loud and that's one of them.

GoldenOmber · 06/08/2021 13:19

when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange

I’m a bit baffled that you think “My family and I think what you’re doing is a bit strange, but…” was ever going to go down well, no matter what it’s about.

LittleMissBoss · 06/08/2021 13:19

I may agree with you, however I would not have said anything. You have to accept that some people make choices you neither understand nor agree with but if its not hurting you or anyone else you keep your trap shut and respect their choices. I mean what was the point in saying something? What were you hoping to achieve?

WorraLiberty · 06/08/2021 13:19

[quote crazymicrowave123]@TiredButDancing I feel a bit guilty but my parents are closer to her than I am and she didn't like how honest and judgemental they are and decided she no longer wants to associate with the family.[/quote]
That's because you threw your family under the bus by dragging them into this...

"He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed."

Nasty thing to do.

AudacityBaby · 06/08/2021 13:20

I'm genuinely shocked that someone would think this was an appropriate thing to say. It's fair enough to think it (though honestly it really is none of your business what she does for her child as long as she's not harming them), but saying it out loud... what did you think the reaction would be?

Yes, you should apologise.

Original poster
crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:20

@Neverrains I did not, she told my family why she no longer wants contact and they agreed that they thought it was strange.

OP posts:
sst1234 · 06/08/2021 13:20

Women who do this are weird, no getting around that. Reminds me of the Little Britain sketch with David Williams.

AfternoonToffee · 06/08/2021 13:20

[quote crazymicrowave123]@thanksforyourcommentrandomman She said she would breastfeed in my house, and when I said that's fine I'd leave until finished she said no need unless it would bother me that she does it in front of me, to which I said it is a bit strange in the first place, which is where the offence started... I am allowed an opinion, but get I should have kept it to myself.[/quote]
I think this puts a whole different angle on it, she almost backed you into a corner knowing that you had already said you would leave the room. You shouldn't have said it strange, but she also knows that this is outside what people generally feel comfortable with. I fed my youngest till gone 4, but it wasn't something I really talked about.

BrilloPaddy · 06/08/2021 13:20

I'd have thought it, OP, but not said it out loud.

She did act very defensively though - makes you wonder if others have said the same.

pinkcircustop · 06/08/2021 13:21

Why would you give your opinion? It wasn’t necessary or wanted.

You were rude and you should apologise for being judgemental.

GoldenOmber · 06/08/2021 13:21

[quote crazymicrowave123]@Neverrains I did not, she told my family why she no longer wants contact and they agreed that they thought it was strange.[/quote]
You said that you did twenty minutes ago?

pixietinsle5 · 06/08/2021 13:21

You shouldn't have commented, there was no need and it's none of your business. I am breastfeeding my 14 month old and have no plans to stop, I will carry on until she decides to stop. No one else's opinion matters apart from mine and the same goes for your friend.

Mintjulia · 06/08/2021 13:22

I really don't see how her choices are any of your business.

I'm not surprised she doesn't want you in her house, just for being bossy and interfering. That it's about breast feeding is a bit irrelevant

bloodywhitecat · 06/08/2021 13:22

Is feeding the breastmilk of another species to your 5 year old strange too? When I think about it I find it more strange that we happily drink cows/sheep/goats milk but not human milk.

Chikapu · 06/08/2021 13:22

@BrilloPaddy

I'd have thought it, OP, but not said it out loud.

She did act very defensively though - makes you wonder if others have said the same.

Or it makes you wonder if this isn't the first time the OP has given her unsolicited 'honest opinion' on matters that don't concern her.
Fankehxudb · 06/08/2021 13:23

I'm disappointed that you say you breastfed yourself but then also called another woman's breastfeeding decision strange. To be honest, I wouldn't want to keep in contact with you either after that comment (speaking as someone who stopped breastfeeding age 20 months).

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