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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

999 replies

crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:01

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

OP posts:
Greenmarmalade · 06/08/2021 13:36

Bet you’d be fine giving her a glass of cow’s milk though.

Nipplynoranoo · 06/08/2021 13:36

For what it’s worth, I totally agree with you OP. I find it very strange at that age and can’t help wonder who’s the one keeping it going. But it’s absolutely not my place to say anything, and would be something I’d strictly talk about behind her back… 😂 you live and learn.

LameUsernameAvailable · 06/08/2021 13:36

Op, have you got into scrapes before by being ‘honest’ . I everyone can accidentally say things that are inappropriate or rude once in a while but the fact that you weren’t able to realise this is not good.

There are loads of Mumsnetters who are really rude but disguise it as being ‘honest’ but at least they are anonymous people on the internet.

SleepingStandingUp · 06/08/2021 13:36

They then said to her they thought it was strange (in a more honest and harsh way) so they said something more specific and harsh than strange?
She spoke to me again and I told her why I thought it was strange and that my family agreed so why do you think its strange? And good job on confirming her parenting choices are your families topic of gossip

ScantRegard · 06/08/2021 13:36

I'd find it weird too but I'd keep shtum as obviously 'that's weird' isn't a comment anyone wants to hear about something they strongly believe in!

sillysmiles · 06/08/2021 13:38

TBF if you saw a 4, nearly 5yr drinking milk 4 from a bottle times a day at that age, you'd think it's a bit weird.

She's obviously close enough to you that she was willing to leave her kid with you, she knows you are not anti bf as she assumedly knows you'd bf your child. IMO she was looking for the row and to be offended.

Personally I'd still apologise, but not give it much thought after that.

Knittingupastorm · 06/08/2021 13:38

@JMKid

I wouldn't apologise and totally agree with you OP. Absolutely no need to BF at that age. It's clearly all about the mother wanting the child to stay a baby.
What an odd attitude to not apologise to a friend for upsetting them, even if you totally stand by your opinion. If I said something to a friend that upset them I would apologise even if I didn’t think what I said was factually incorrect.
WeDidntMeanToGoToSea · 06/08/2021 13:38

@JMKid

I wouldn't apologise and totally agree with you OP. Absolutely no need to BF at that age. It's clearly all about the mother wanting the child to stay a baby.
Not this one again Hmm

It's impossible to make a child breastfeed. A breastfeeding relationship that goes on this long is invariably child-led. If breastfeeding at 4 or 5 is about 'stying a baby', so is sleeping with a cuddly (for example).

WorraLiberty · 06/08/2021 13:38

[quote crazymicrowave123]@GoldenOmber She told my family that she doesn't want contact with us any more and told them why. (I didn't tell them first). They then said to her they thought it was strange (in a more honest and harsh way). She spoke to me again and I told her why I thought it was strange and that my family agreed. Sorry for any confusion. I feel bad that I guess I should have kept my opinion to myself, and because my family are kinda harsh and very honest but all I can do is apologise I suppose...[/quote]
Well the apple didn't fall far from the tree, did it?

Don't bother apologising. I expect the poor woman feels she's well rid of you all.

dreamingbohemian · 06/08/2021 13:39

Apparently less than 1 percent of babies are still breastfeeding at 12 months, let alone 4 years! So yes, it is very unusual.

People have every right to do unusual things but I think it's naive to think that no one will ever find it strange.

Sweettea1 · 06/08/2021 13:39

It is weird a child that is more than capable of getting a glass of milk out the fridge does not need to be breast fed. If she wants to give breast milk express then child can drink it like a glass of milk I wouldnt expect to see that just as I wouldn't expect to see a 5 year old to still be bottle fed.

Geamhradh · 06/08/2021 13:39

How I miss the days when MNers used to be invited onto TV to show that judgemental oaf Dr Hillary that extended/full term breastfeeding was not just OK but more normal (and medically sound) than his "bitty" ideas)

SquirtleSquad · 06/08/2021 13:39

It's bad enough sticking your nose in without adding that you and your family think it's weird. That's not just being rude, it's ganging up on her.

Original poster
crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:40

@ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule

OP, when you found out she still breastfeeds her 4 year old, did you genuinely say "my family and I think it's a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school, but I don't object to you doing so before leaving"? I'm struggling to imagine how you thought that would go down, other than exactly the way it has.
I said to her it's a bit strange, she asked why and it became a bit of a back and forth and I said I found it strange especially when he starts school. I am not an argumentative person but she didn't like my comment so I defended myself, which I guess I realise I shouldn't have now. Then in speaking to my family she realised they agree with me, and then messaged to say we are disgusting and judgemental people, after I admitted they agreed too...Ah well
OP posts:
Knittingupastorm · 06/08/2021 13:41

They then said to her they thought it was strange (in a more honest and harsh way)

What did they say that was more honest and harsh?

Alcemeg · 06/08/2021 13:41

I think if the woman is going to do this everywhere, e.g. at your house, she needs to grow a thicker skin, because you surely can't be the first or last to comment on it.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 06/08/2021 13:42

While feeding the baby, my dd would still sometimes have Gds of well over 4, plugged into the other side. It was a comfort thing that he asked for, both were happy with it, so why not?

Whatever you may have felt about it, it really wasn’t your place to comment, so I do think an apology would be in order.

BastardMonkfish · 06/08/2021 13:43

@eightyfourandahalf

good grief

of course keep your opinion to yourself,

but frankly, lucky escape! You can imagine the parenting of someone who BF at 4 year old, you don't want to be responsible or try to look after such a child. Not their fault, but too much of a handful, not worth the money.

How do you imagine the friend parenting is lacking exactly?!

Greenmarmalade · 06/08/2021 13:44

Just send a message apologizing.

GintyMcGinty · 06/08/2021 13:44

Absolutely none of your business.

Most parents don't like other people judging and criticizing their parenting choices. No difference in this circumstance.

Do you like people commenting on your parenting and telling you that you are strange?

Sometimeswinning · 06/08/2021 13:45

I think you'll find you don't actually.

This could go on forever. Everyone is entitled to an opinion and everyone is entitled to voice it. The consequences are there for you to face. I'm surprised anyone on aibu would have no opinion.

withpeaceandlove · 06/08/2021 13:45

Good for her, you and your family sound awful and judgemental, I imagine she'll be a lot happier without you. Natural term breastfeeding is completely normal and people who think it's strange are the ones who have an issue

Mummyoply · 06/08/2021 13:45

I breastfeed my 4year old and will allow him to self-wean when he is ready. Feel free to AMA!

I never mind if people talk to me about it and usually ask if they would like to have information about breastfeeding within the 'biological norm'.

If they are rude, I don't engage but if they are genuinely inquisitive and/or lacking knowledge I will happily chat with them. I keep it factual Smile

JinglingHellsBells · 06/08/2021 13:47

I think it is fine you expressed your view.

It is very unusual in the west to carry on till almost 5.

I feel sorry for her son who will lose his 'comforter' when he starts school.

How does she think he is going to adapt overnight?

stayathomer · 06/08/2021 13:48

You shouldn't have said that but she was a bit over the top too(but she's probably fed up of having people say it to her). It is nothing to you or your family how someone feeds their baby

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