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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breast feeding at 4? AIBU for my comment?

999 replies

crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:01

I was asked to baby sit for a friend of my parent's over the weekend and her son is 4 years old (and would have been a bit of extra cash which I could do with). She let me know that she still breastfeeds him every morning, once at lunch and before bed, says it is comforting for him and for her and has no plans to stop any time soon and that she will do so at my house before she leaves. He is turning 5 in a a few weeks time, when I told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange to still be breastfeeding at 5 when he is starting school but that I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving, she then decided to cancel the babysitting and told me I was no longer needed.

She has now decided she no longer wants to keep in touch with our family due to our 'judgemental and disgusting ways' and says I have deeply offended her. Coincidentally I have come across this article online where Ice T is defending his wife Coco who still breast feeds there daughter at 5. So AIBU and should I extend the olive branch and apologise? I wasn't intending to offend just gave my honest opinion and now I feel a bit guilty.

Article: www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9865267/Ice-T-defends-wife-Coco-Austins-decision-continue-breastfeeding-five-year-old-daughter.html

OP posts:
LittleTiger007 · 06/08/2021 13:23

As others have said, it was rude to say anything. I would feel exactly the same way as you but I would totally have kept it to myself as it’s none of my business.
As for doing so in your home: at least she warned you so that you and your family could be prepared to not act shocked.
I think a carefully worded olive branch is a good idea. If she doesn’t accept it then it’s her loss, you can’t do more than that. She does sound a bit militant about it.

BastardMonkfish · 06/08/2021 13:24

How can you not realise how rude it was to say that Confused

Pissinthepottyplease · 06/08/2021 13:24

[quote crazymicrowave123]@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop nothing to do with breasts being sexual just think its unnecessary after a certain age.[/quote]
And what qualifications have you got to say that? At what age do you think comforting a child is unnecessary?

AfternoonToffee · 06/08/2021 13:25

@sst1234

Women who do this are weird, no getting around that. Reminds me of the Little Britain sketch with David Williams.
Meh if being weird means I went someway to lowering my elevated risk of breast cancer to within a normal range then that is good for me.
SleepingStandingUp · 06/08/2021 13:25

Its definitely one of those issues where you categorically don't comment unless you aim yo cause offence.

told her my family and I thought it was a bit strange so not only did you tell her YOU thought it was weird but also that you and your family talk about her behind her back and all concur.
I wouldn't object to her doing so before leaving why should you object to her doing something with her own body That has no impact on you? "Oh well I'll let you be weird and unreasonable in my house and then talk to all my family about how wrong you are"

So yes. Apologise. I'd tell her you've done some reading to educate yourself since the conversation and you are sorry for being judgemental

Heronwatcher · 06/08/2021 13:26

Very rude and almost designed to make her feel like her choices are not valid. It has absolutely nothing to do with you and it makes you sound a bit sad to be undermining other women. We should be happy to support each other’s choices not make snide comments.

Knittingupastorm · 06/08/2021 13:26

nothing to do with breasts being sexual just think its unnecessary after a certain age.

You will presumably see loads of parents doing things you personally consider unnecessary. It will almost always be better to keep your opinion on it to yourself.

AllTheSingleLadiess · 06/08/2021 13:26

I think that your opinion is common but you definitely shouldn't have said it out loud- especially if the child could hear you.

romdowa · 06/08/2021 13:26

I think you were well with in your rights to comment about what goes on in your house tbh. I wouldn't be comfortable with someone doing that in my home either and I'd probably ask that they do it before they arrive.

Sometimeswinning · 06/08/2021 13:26

Well it was your opinion and you have every right to voice it. I do find it bizarre you didn't realise it would offend her though!

AssassinatedBeauty · 06/08/2021 13:26

@sst1234

Women who do this are weird, no getting around that. Reminds me of the Little Britain sketch with David Williams.
Oh, I was wondering how long it would be before this was mentioned. Nice to see a misogynist hateful little sketch rearing it's ugly head again.

It's not weird. It's not common or typical, most people in the UK have likely never been aware of anyone doing this. But it's a human mother feeding her human infant human milk. It may be considered unnecessary by some, but shitloads of parents do "unnecessary" things for their 4 year olds without attracting comment.

grapewine · 06/08/2021 13:26

Rude and unnecessary comment. Other women's choices are nothing to do with you.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 06/08/2021 13:27

This reply has been deleted

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Heronwatcher · 06/08/2021 13:27

And to make matters worse you then gossip about it behind her back! Really poor behaviour.

Russell19 · 06/08/2021 13:28

Can people explain why natural term breastfeeding is weird?

What specifically makes it weird?

NuffSaidSam · 06/08/2021 13:28

'Well it was your opinion and you have every right to voice it'

You don't have every right to voice your opinion. Keep it to yourself!

dreamingbohemian · 06/08/2021 13:28

Well I think you know you shouldn't have said it out loud but I can see how the conversation sort of drifted into that area, it's not like you were commenting out of the blue, she asked you if you would mind.

It may be 'natural' to BF a four year old three times a day but it is extremely unusual in the UK, and I think she would have to be really naive not to realise that a lot of people may think it's a bit strange. I understand it must hurt to hear it out loud though.

Original poster
crazymicrowave123 · 06/08/2021 13:28

@GoldenOmber She told my family that she doesn't want contact with us any more and told them why. (I didn't tell them first). They then said to her they thought it was strange (in a more honest and harsh way). She spoke to me again and I told her why I thought it was strange and that my family agreed. Sorry for any confusion. I feel bad that I guess I should have kept my opinion to myself, and because my family are kinda harsh and very honest but all I can do is apologise I suppose...

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/08/2021 13:28

You were definitely wrong to say that. Her decision and none of your business. You could have said “sure, we’ll give you x room to do it in” if you hadn’t want to see, but any more is really rude of tou.

She had obviously had judgemental comments before as she raised it.

BastardMonkfish · 06/08/2021 13:29

@romdowa

I think you were well with in your rights to comment about what goes on in your house tbh. I wouldn't be comfortable with someone doing that in my home either and I'd probably ask that they do it before they arrive.

You'd be uncomfortable with someone breastfeeding their child in your house?!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/08/2021 13:29

Thinking what you like is one thing. I’ve got my own thoughts on it. However saying what you like is very much another.

There again my DD had her bottle until she was 7 so is there really any difference.

newnortherner111 · 06/08/2021 13:29

Unusual yes, but wrong to call it strange.

NuffSaidSam · 06/08/2021 13:29

'I wouldn't be comfortable with someone doing that in my home either'

Why?

TheReluctantPhoenix · 06/08/2021 13:29

It is not normal to breast feed at that age in advanced economies, despite what people might say on here. Yes, the WHO recommend it up to 4 (I think) but that is mainly for hygiene reasons, which is not an issue in the UK.

There are lots of things that other cultures consider normal (eating with fingers, hawking etc) which we don’t.

Most will argue the later the better on this site, although maybe not quite to the age of the ‘Little Britain’ sketch…

I think I would have tried to ignore or asked her to do it in private rather than passing comment, but I don’t really blame you.

Cocomade · 06/08/2021 13:30

[quote crazymicrowave123]@GoldenOmber She told my family that she doesn't want contact with us any more and told them why. (I didn't tell them first). They then said to her they thought it was strange (in a more honest and harsh way). She spoke to me again and I told her why I thought it was strange and that my family agreed. Sorry for any confusion. I feel bad that I guess I should have kept my opinion to myself, and because my family are kinda harsh and very honest but all I can do is apologise I suppose...[/quote]
Not even sorry you and your family are very judgemental and don't sound the best people to be around as it is.
I assume you are all perfect though!

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