Ex not seeing DC due to new baby

[chickendinnertonight]

My ex's partner is being induced next week. They've been told baby will be in neo natal for a 3-4 weeks as being born 7 weeks early, so will need to be monitored before being allowed to go home. Ex has text me and has cancelled all contact with our DC for the 2, possibly 3 weeks after baby is born. DC doesn't go more than 5 days without seeing ex usually.

I fully appreciate it's going to be a difficult time with his partner and baby being in hospital for a few weeks, but AIBU in thinking there's no reason he has to cancel absolutely all contact for the 2/3 weeks after the baby is born? I haven't replied to my ex yet.

[quote candlelightsatdawn]@Ideasplease322 to be frank if they follow what the doctors say they shouldn't be seeing any of the children because germs don't discriminate which children they come from when it comes to prem babies. We don't actually know fully what's happening re the other children of the family. The hospital is the one to dictate the rules as it won't just be the ex's new baby in there, there will be other people's babies in there as well. It's called social responsibility.

I don't think it's a lacking of reading the thread. I think it's just difference of opinions. [/quote]
I agree with this. I think the less people that are physically seen during that time the better, tbh.

I don't think this is an unacceptably long length of time to go without seeing him, either. Ideally it should be made up in other ways, but I don't think the need to see him is so strong he should be taking him to restaurants or parks and then going back to the hospital to spread the germs around.

He will not be on NICU every hour of the day and if he has time to look after his other DC then he has time to see his other DC.

2 NICU DCs and lets be honest DH at the time popped in and out but was home or at work.

COVID is irrelevant -if there is a strict visiting slot then even easier for him to arrange to see his DC around it

OP you are not BU

So what is it about the Op's son in particular that makes him so unacceptably germy disposable @aSofaNearYou? What special considerations have to be taken in his case that dont apply to the other children/people/places this man will be going to an meeting?

@Porcupineintherough I’d like to know this too. What I’m getting from this whole thread overall is that the OP’s ex is not a very considerate dad to this 6 year old boy. He didn’t pick up the phone to talk the situation through and ask how to make this easier on his son. He’s just texted her with a blanket 2-3 week no contact and then just ‘play it by ear after’. He hasn’t offered to talk to his son and explain it to him.

He’s instructed the OP not to contact his parents for any help, despite them being willing.

He’s not acknowledged that the OP will have to take annual leave and miss out on a work course.

He’s still going to be seeing his other children.

He’s off on a lads holiday not long after this baby will be born.

The OP sounds like she has a lot of care and respect for her ex’s new partner, I’m going to just put this out there and say that he sounds like a deadbeat dad!

@Porcupineintherough

So what is it about the Op's son in particular that makes him so unacceptably germy disposable *@aSofaNearYou*? What special considerations have to be taken in his case that dont apply to the other children/people/places this man will be going to an meeting?

Nothing of course, but there has been a lot of suggestions made that he should at least be taking him out for dinner or to the park, which to me sounds much less advisable than seeing them in a house. I think he should be avoiding as much as can be avoided, realistically.

Really? You wouldn't spend every day with a premature baby if it was you?

Uhhm, not if you have other small children. I had a baby born incredibly unwell, major surgeries, in ICU for a few months before moving to lower dependency. I certainly didn’t ditch my others! How would you explain that to a toddler and small child missing their mum! That’s abusive. I managed to spend majority of day with baby in NICU, come home and let my small kids know I was still ‘there’, have a play with them etc and while pumping around the clock for the baby in NICU. Not sure why this dad can’t fit in a few visits a week?