To not want DS to be a ‘dad’

[fomentin]

My eldest is 18, almost 19, his girlfriend is 19.

She found out she was pregnant when they were in year 11 with her then boyfriend, DS supported her as the actual father didn't want anything to do with her or the baby. DS also supported her when the baby was born and she is now almost 2.

DS and his girlfriend have been in a relationship for almost a year, and recently the little girl has been calling him daddy. Except, DS isn't her dad.

AIBU to not want him to be her ‘dad’ especially as he's so young!

If the situation was reversed and it was an 18 year old girl getting involved with a teen father i bet posters wouldnt be congratulating the Op for raising a wonderful daughter, they would be advising the Op to tell her daughter to run for the hills

what if baby is her grandson? It's clear OP doesn't like the girl

If the baby was biologically his what would be the point in hiding it? He already pays for the child, has supported the mother before and after pregnancy, and has taken on a father type role. I can't see what the OP has posted that makes you think she dislikes the mother. From what she has posted, she's just worried about her son who is in a difficult position.

@DingDongThongs

You can however have fathered a child at 15/16.

OP genuinely consider it - is this your Grandchild?

Stop making stories up in your mind.

The thing is these things do happen in the 80,s my parents next door neighbours daughter had a child at 17 the Biological father didnt hang around for very long and she got back together with another ex boyfriend, i think they had all gone to school together, they did eventually get married and have another child but it all went wrong very quickly and when they sit up the dh only wanted to see his biological son

It's clear OP doesn't like the girl

Well it clearly doesn't matter seeing as this girls life is 'none of her business' according to most posters 😂

Seriously MN is like being in the Twilight Zone sometimes. Every mother of a son I know IRL would say "fuck that" and have a word about it with their child!

Seriously MN is like being in the Twilight Zone sometimes. Every mother of a son I know IRL would say "fuck that" and have a word about it with their child!

Yep - to my DSs and to my DD. Not their circus.

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

It's clear OP doesn't like the girl

Well it clearly doesn't matter seeing as this girls life is 'none of her business' according to most posters 😂

Seriously MN is like being in the Twilight Zone sometimes. Every mother of a son I know IRL would say "fuck that" and have a word about it with their child!

Totally!

@Mommabear20

You may not like it, but you must be proud of him for stepping up for the sake of the child and doing something so incredible!

He doesn’t need to step up though, it’s not his child, and I’m sure the mum doesn’t need saving either.

Would he consider adopting her as his own?

@x2boys

The thing is these things do happen in the 80,s my parents next door neighbours daughter had a child at 17 the Biological father didnt hang around for very long and she got back together with another ex boyfriend, i think they had all gone to school together, they did eventually get married and have another child but it all went wrong very quickly and when they sit up the dh only wanted to see his biological son

Definitely but it was more unusual and a bit more of a scandal especially in the place where I grew up

I can't believe people are suggesting that he adopt the child. He's only 19 years old with his life ahead of him.

@Booboosweet

I can't believe people are suggesting that he adopt the child. He's only 19 years old with his life ahead of him.

I agree. I think most people would be worried for their son in this scenario but, as it's not their son, anything goes, however ridiculous. Not their family at risk. There seem quite a few posters who relish that sort of daft posting.

@x2boys

If the situation was reversed and it was an 18 year old girl getting involved with a teen father i bet posters wouldnt be congratulating the Op for raising a wonderful daughter, they would be advising the Op to tell her daughter to run for the hills

This.

Your son sounds lovely. A real credit to you.

Of course YANBU.

Why would you want your 19 year old son to be a dad or to be raising a step child at 19? I wouldn’t. At 19 I would want my son to be living life to the full and free to do whatever he wants. 19 is still so young.

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

It's clear OP doesn't like the girl

Well it clearly doesn't matter seeing as this girls life is 'none of her business' according to most posters 😂

Seriously MN is like being in the Twilight Zone sometimes. Every mother of a son I know IRL would say "fuck that" and have a word about it with their child!

Well yes probably, but having a word is about as much as you can do, can't force him to stop seeing her. Some might make some sort of unfair ultimatums to try and force his hand, but its up to him at the end of day- although it's not unreasonable to be upset about it.

He is happy Its not your life its his Be happy for him

@LidlMiddleLover

He is happy Its not your life its his Be happy for him

Would you be happy if it was your 18 year old?

The child wants a father figure now stop been an ass and be a kind loving step grand parent. I can imagine you been that grandma that when they have kids together will be buying the 'real ones' things and not the other

@x2boys

If the situation was reversed and it was an 18 year old girl getting involved with a teen father i bet posters wouldnt be congratulating the Op for raising a wonderful daughter, they would be advising the Op to tell her daughter to run for the hills

Forget children - we see it in adults! Post after post after post warning women not to do the 'wifework' for a man they're not married to including looking after his children.

We know nothing about this girl except that she's jobless with a child. An adult jobless male with a child would be called a cocklodger.

If this was my son I would not be proud - quite the opposite. If he decided he was ready to take on a child I would start treating him like a full adult. Including charging him full room and board or getting him to move out.

• not children- teenagers

Lets face it in a couple of years time the Op, s son and the girlfriend most likely wont be together anymore
Its just how teenage relationships go, if the girlfriend meets someone else i cant imagine she would want her daughter calling somebody who isnt her daughters Daddy and he wouldnt have any rights anyway
Equally i cant imagine the 18 year old wanting tobe constantly referred to as Daddy to a child who he has no parental responsibility to.

@Christmasfairy2020

The child wants a father figure now stop been an ass and be a kind loving step grand parent. I can imagine you been that grandma that when they have kids together will be buying the 'real ones' things and not the other

What a ridiculous post. Why should she be happy for her son ruining his life?

Controversial views: I think it's fine when grandparents treat their bio grandchildren better than their step grandchildren 🤷‍♀️

I'm afraid I agree with PPs that it's up to him and his GF. Honestly GF should discourage it and ask the baby to call him something else but it's their call, though I do understand your worry

@DingDongThongs

He's a loving generous & warm human being. What's the real beef OP?

The real beef I imagine is she wants her son to have a future - maybe go to Uni , get a decent job and not be tied to a young woman with a child that is not his . She won't want him limiting his opportunities for this . She already sees he is not seeing friends. He hasn't even started his life yet !

I'd be proud of your son sticking by a girl and helping bring a child up that isn't his. Takes a lot and hats off to him