To not want DS to be a ‘dad’

[fomentin]

My eldest is 18, almost 19, his girlfriend is 19.

She found out she was pregnant when they were in year 11 with her then boyfriend, DS supported her as the actual father didn't want anything to do with her or the baby. DS also supported her when the baby was born and she is now almost 2.

DS and his girlfriend have been in a relationship for almost a year, and recently the little girl has been calling him daddy. Except, DS isn't her dad.

AIBU to not want him to be her ‘dad’ especially as he's so young!

if the girlfriend meets someone else i cant imagine she would want her daughter calling somebody who isnt her daughters Daddy and he wouldnt have any rights anyway
Equally i cant imagine the 18 year old wanting tobe constantly referred to as Daddy to a child who he has no parental responsibility to

While I agree, you're coming at this as a sensible adult with some life experience, whereas the mum has very little - not even a job

Having found someone who'll support her and her DD, including financially, I'd be more worried that she'll decide he's just the guy to have the next baby with, which is why I'd strongly advise him to take great care with his contraception

There's no guarantee he'd listen of course, but I'd have to at least try ...

Yanbu op. Who wants their child taking on someone else's responsibilities at 18.
Don't worry too much I'm sure in a year or so the child will have a new "daddy" in their life.

@loosingmymarbles

I'd be proud of your son sticking by a girl and helping bring a child up that isn't his. Takes a lot and hats off to him

Why is this a commendable thing? It just leads to lies and pretending which IME benefit everybody except the child.

I would feel the same. He's just a boy.

The thing is, outside of Mumsnet Fantasy LaLa Land, we all know perfectly well this relationship is not going to last long term.

The young woman needs to focus on a) getting her qualifications/ training/whatever sorted out, and sorting out full time work and a place to live, and b) (together with her family) chasing up the biological father and MAKING him bloody pay his share for this.

She's going to be a lot less focused on getting the above sorted out, if she is being encouraged to develop a bunch of deluded fantasies about how she's found the perfect baby-daddy to support her and her child and it's all going to end happily ever after.

This young man will walk at some point (and I don't blame him, to be honest).

It's wrong for him to do things (such as allowing the baby to call him "daddy" etc.) that hint or suggest that he's going to marry her and make this permanent. I'm sure the OP's son is being warm hearted rather than deliberately cynical, but I'd go so far as to say that this is actually stringing this young woman along.

Do people understand that you cant just adopt another man's child without his permission?

My dad did this for my half brother and sister when he was 19. I arrived 3 years later. My parents have been married for nearly 40 years and my brother and sister have always called him ‘Dad’.
I am extremely proud and grateful of that 19 year old man who took on so much responsibility all those years ago.
You should be proud of your son.

@HintofVintagePink

My dad did this for my half brother and sister when he was 19. I arrived 3 years later. My parents have been married for nearly 40 years and my brother and sister have always called him ‘Dad’. I am extremely proud and grateful of that 19 year old man who took on so much responsibility all those years ago. You should be proud of your son.

Would you want that for your own son?

I would feel the same OP and all these folk saying it's none of your business just because he's turned 18, get a grip.