Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a little miffed?

181 replies

HallieHufflepuff · 04/08/2021 22:04

A family member is getting married next year. DH & I are not invited but we are invited to a party a few weeks after (to celebrate the wedding).

Ok, that's fine, it's up to the couple what they want for their wedding and who they want to invite. Even though they came to our wedding (all day and in the evening too) and we spent a lot on their food, that's ok people don't have to reciprocate. We were just happy that everyone came to our wedding to enjoy the day with us.

But now we have been asked to eat before we go because they don't want to cater for us (as we are vegan). There are others who have allergies and dietary requirements and they have not been asked to eat before the party.

AIBU to be a little upset by that? Or is that silly and I shouldn't expect to eat at the buffet like the rest of the guests?

And how much money would you give as a gift? I know that the gift is supposed to be enough to cover the cost of your meal at least but since we won't be eating, how much should we give? (I don't want to fall out with them at all as they're usually really nice but just seem to be treating us oddly in this situation). I definitely don't want to cause a fuss as it's their wedding day and I want them to be happy.

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 04/08/2021 22:08

I wouldn’t go. Miserly fuckers.

Macncheeseballs · 04/08/2021 22:09

Bottle of bubbly, it's essentially just a party

Merryoldgoat · 04/08/2021 22:09

Honestly? I’d tell them to fuck off.

Part of hosting a party is being considerate of your guests.

Vegan food is hardly a chore.

I’d personally feel like I wasn’t wanted there if someone treated me like that.

Megan2018 · 04/08/2021 22:10

£0 and I wouldn’t bloody go either.
They don’t like you, don’t go! They must be vile people to think that’s acceptable.

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 04/08/2021 22:13

i think they are being pretty blatant about not actually wanting you to be part of their wedding celebrations

No wedding invite, not even a morsel of quinoa on toast for the buffet....just give us a pressie and FRO

Call their bluff and have a subsequent engagement.

Elouera · 04/08/2021 22:13

I assume its not a sibling, but a more distant relative? Seems very odd that they are catering to allergies and other dietary requiments but not yours. Is it a buffet? Surely there would be salads, veggies etc!

Is there more to it? What does the rest of your family think?

Thatsjustwhatithink · 04/08/2021 22:14

It could just be that they are keeping numbers and costs down. Maybe they've picked a set menu that doesn't andhave a vegan option agreed on certain numbers. Maybe they are saving for something that will last longer than a wedding or party.

At the end of the day they are getting married, simply to commit to each other. All the other stuff (meals, venues etc) holds different value and relavance to each couple. Just be happy for them and rejoice in that you don't have to sit through a service and boring speeches.

SnoozyBoozy · 04/08/2021 22:14

I wouldn't actual go. You can decline nicely and send a token gift, but if they can't.l be bothered to cater for you, I don't know that I could be bothered to go.

FelicityPike · 04/08/2021 22:16

A £20 IKEA voucher…..if they’re lucky!
Oh and I’d be posting that along with your “regret we can’t come” card.

EverybodyIsInteresting · 04/08/2021 22:16

It's not till next year and they are already taking you they can't be bothered to cater for you?

Yeah, stuff that. I wouldn't be going.

Original poster
HallieHufflepuff · 04/08/2021 22:17

@Elouera

I assume its not a sibling, but a more distant relative? Seems very odd that they are catering to allergies and other dietary requiments but not yours. Is it a buffet? Surely there would be salads, veggies etc!

Is there more to it? What does the rest of your family think?

Don't want to be too specific. Not a sibling but not a distant relative.

Yes it's a buffet. Maybe there will be something accidentally vegan (like salads, onion bhajis, etc) but we have been exclusively told to eat beforehand.

Hopefully not more to it. Haven't said anything to other family members because we don't want to cause a fuss or make it all about us.

OP posts:
HealthKick2021 · 04/08/2021 22:17

I wouldn't go personally.

Notaroadrunner · 04/08/2021 22:17

I wouldn't bother going either. And I wouldn't be giving it any consideration a year in advance.

Justmuddlingalong · 04/08/2021 22:17

If the invitation is to enable you to celebrate their marriage, a few weeks after the event, they're not making you feel in any way welcome. I'd decline the invitation and the gift giving.

Mum2jenny · 04/08/2021 22:21

I wouldn’t go and they would not be getting a gift either

Iloveacurry · 04/08/2021 22:25

I wouldn’t bother going if I was you.

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/08/2021 22:25

Yeah no, I wouldn’t be going to that. They’re incredibly rude and if you attend knowing you’re specifically not being catered to and give a gift you’re letting them think that’s okay. It’s not. Fuck them. Fuck their stupid stingy party.

AnnaSW1 · 04/08/2021 22:33

I would not be going to this!

Cherrysoup · 04/08/2021 22:37

Don’t go if they can’t be arsed to put on salads etc. I find it OUTRAGEOUS that they’ve told you to eat before you go!

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 04/08/2021 22:37

they are taking the piss
I wouldn't go and wouldn't give any gifts either.
absolute twats

steppemum · 04/08/2021 22:39

I'm with everyone else
This feels like getting you to come to the party so you bring a gift.

I'd have a prior engagement.
Or go and take a bottle of something aroudn £10.

That is just so cheeky.

Babdoc · 04/08/2021 22:42

As they came to your wedding, and you fed and entertained them, it is particularly pointed and nasty that they are not reciprocating.

I agree with all the PPs - don’t go and don’t send a present. They don’t deserve one.

Xmassprout · 04/08/2021 22:45

That's really rude!

It's really not that difficult to cater for vegans! If they're not sure about vegan food, they could at least ask you what food would be suitable

Bagforlifeandthelifeafter · 04/08/2021 22:49

I wouldn’t go either.

summercupcake · 04/08/2021 22:50

It's clear you aren't very important to them, I'd politely decline. At least now you know how they feel about you :-(

Swipe left for the next trending thread