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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this a bit annoying at EVERY meal?

339 replies

mockingbirdi · 04/08/2021 18:08

A good friend of mine has invited a new friend into our friendship group. There was originally about 4/5 of us going for lunch or dinner whenever so now there's 5/6. Absolutely fine

Except this friend of hers is nice enough but insists on eating chicken nuggets and chips! At every place we go

She was invited out with us to an Italian on Saturday. She has posted in the grouch at that she won't come as 'There isn't anything on the menu for me 😔'

So now, my friend that was originally her friend before she came into the group is saying we should change where we eat! So no Italian because they don't actually sell chicken nuggets and chips. And no Chinese that we like, or Japanese, as again nothing she wants there

AIBU to think this is ridiculous now?

OP posts:
Monkeymilkshake · 04/08/2021 19:48

Time for a new downsized whatsapp group!?

VetInAVat · 04/08/2021 19:55

I have a colleague who wo t c9nr on work nights out because there's nothing on the menu she'll eat. Then sulks cos she never goes out anywhere. Seriously, she only eats sausages, chips, nuggets etc... But then, we suggest somewhere that dies that sort of stuff, but it's not the RIGHT sort. So we suggest she chooses somewhere, but won't, because she doesn't know anywhere.
Not sure what we can for her now!

x2boys · 04/08/2021 19:57

Is there a reason why she has a restricted diet?
I remember in my early 20, s i didnt like curry so if i went out in a, group who wanted to go for a curry i inevitably ordered the English meal which ironically something and chips
I love curry now btw!

brokenbiscuitsx · 04/08/2021 20:01

Omg this might be my work colleague, does her name start with C. 😆

All she eats is chicken nuggets and chips, and ham sandwiches! She literally had this at a wedding as she refused to eat anything else! 🤭🤣

50ShadesOfCatholic · 04/08/2021 20:05

She is very manipulative isn't she. And unfortunately your friend is enabling her. I've been the friend in a very similar situation back when I was a pushover/rescuer.

Personally I would focus less on judging what she is eating /drinking and more on a solution.

Really like the suggestion above about taking turns to choose a restaurant.

Brefugee · 04/08/2021 20:06

Unfortunately I've found that many posters on MN are not very sympathetic towards this condition though.

Nah - they don't want to have their lives ruled by something that rules your life. It has completely changed the dynamic of the group. No italian, no Chinese, No Japanese, no Indian... So the polite and considerate thing to do is for her to meet them afterwards for a drink, and now and then they go somewhere she can eat her food. Give and take rather than take take take

Nomorepies · 04/08/2021 20:12

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

thefirstmrsrochester · 04/08/2021 20:13

Can’t she eat off the children’s menu? My sister is like this and too many family meals and holidays have been dictated by her limited tastes. No more. Pretty much everywhere has a children’s menu, no longer will I be dragged to a harvester just to pander to her.

FadoFado · 04/08/2021 20:14

Oh no I couldn't pander to that nonsense.

If she's unable to eat at restaurants because chicken nuggets aren't on the menu that's her problem. Childish to have a chicken nugget obsession, although I accept she may have psychological issues around food, but even if that is the case she should just subtly excuse herself from that outing without making an issue of it and see you next time you're meeting up at a pub/restaurant that she does like.

Crockof · 04/08/2021 20:15

@Brefugee

Unfortunately I've found that many posters on MN are not very sympathetic towards this condition though.

Nah - they don't want to have their lives ruled by something that rules your life. It has completely changed the dynamic of the group. No italian, no Chinese, No Japanese, no Indian... So the polite and considerate thing to do is for her to meet them afterwards for a drink, and now and then they go somewhere she can eat her food. Give and take rather than take take take

Exactly that. Because inclusion no longer means adapting stuff to fit (like phoning ahead, I've never worked in a restaurant that wouldn't try their best to accommodate) but now inclusion means excluding people and or the things they like to do to satisfy the whim of one.
TheDevils · 04/08/2021 20:15

Nah - they don't want to have their lives ruled by something that rules your life. It has completely changed the dynamic of the group. No italian, no Chinese, No Japanese, no Indian... So the polite and considerate thing to do is for her to meet them afterwards for a drink, and now and then they go somewhere she can eat her food. Give and take rather than take take take

I've made it clear that I think she's being unreasonable to try and dictate to the group BUT a huge number of responses on this thread have proved my point about people on here not being very sympathetic to a very specific eating disorder. If I see another person refer to selective eating habits as toddler behaviour I just might scream. It's rude.

I'm nearly 40 and suffer from ARFID. It's a specific eating disorder which means I have a phobia of food. It has an impact on my life every single day. I wish I could eat a wider range of food - I really do, but it's like telling someone who has a phobia of spiders to just hold one or a phobia of heights to just go and stand at the top of a tall building. I'd rather go hungry than eat food that isn't on my safe list.
Now, I'm not saying that the person the op is talking about has this condition but the general attitude to 'picky' eaters on here is difficult to read. Some compassion would go a long way.

Drivingmeupthewall · 04/08/2021 20:16

Yes I bloody would mind!

So I said 'We had the Italian planned and were looking forward to it. No worries at all if it isn't for you!'

😂😂😂 good for you.

Drivingmeupthewall · 04/08/2021 20:17

Also, if she does have all these special food issues, that still doesn’t mean she gets to dictate what others do. She should bow out. She doesn’t take precedence. 🙄

HalzTangz · 04/08/2021 20:18

Who doest like pasta, I thought even the fussiest eaters could manage a Mac m cheese or spag bol

WiddlinDiddlin · 04/08/2021 20:18

Maybe she does have ARFID... I do..

But so what.. if you were going to see a comedian, and I didn't like that particular comedian.. if you were out to see a band and I didn't like that band.... I'd just not come!

So if you are going out for a meal to somewhere she doesn't like, assuming the point is 'to have a meal' and not 'this is our only social gathering' and thus she has the option to meet up after, come to some other gathering on another date... she can just.. not come.

TheDevils · 04/08/2021 20:20

@HalzTangz

Who doest like pasta, I thought even the fussiest eaters could manage a Mac m cheese or spag bol
Nope. I couldn't. I'm 39 and managed to eat pasta with pesto for the first time ever last week as part of my treatment. I really couldn't imagine eating spag bol or macaroni and cheese.
Caffeinemonster · 04/08/2021 20:20

Is she 3?

I don’t see why Japanese is out though. Can’t she have chicken katsu without the sauce? It’s basically a giant chicken nugget.

x2boys · 04/08/2021 20:22

Wont most restaurants try and accommodate peoples diets, i have eleven year old with severe autism and learning disabilities so although his diet is ok generally i know a lot of people on the spectrum have sensory issues which can mean their can be restricted?

DroopyClematis · 04/08/2021 20:23

I find it strange that people who say that they have an eating problem seem to always manage chicken nuggets and chips.

What on Earth would they eat if chicken nuggets and chips didn't exist?

1forAll74 · 04/08/2021 20:25

Just tell her that she is wasting her time going out for meals with you all, as she limits herself to only eating something more simple. She should agree with this, and not expect the rest of your group to change your more adventurous types of food places..

TheDevils · 04/08/2021 20:26

@DroopyClematis

I find it strange that people who say that they have an eating problem seem to always manage chicken nuggets and chips.

What on Earth would they eat if chicken nuggets and chips didn't exist?

Chicken and chips are popular with people who suffer from ARFID because they are bland and 'safe'. They generally taste the same wherever you go. There are no surprises which is why they are considered safe.
BSideBaby · 04/08/2021 20:27

If she's not into food why does she want to join a group of people who meet to go out to dinner? There are other ways to socialise.

JacquelineCarlyle · 04/08/2021 20:28

@Minfilia

Bollocks to that. She sounds like a right pain in the arse.

I have no time for NT picky eaters though. She’s behaving like a toddler and manipulating you into changing to suit her needs.

Stick to your guns and maybe invite her for drinks after the meal if you feel like being nice, although honestly I’m not sure I could be friends with someone who behaved like that, and you 100% shouldn’t have to change your plans for someone you’ve only known for a month!

Agree with this!
30degreesandmeltinghere · 04/08/2021 20:29

Tell her you will ask for a corner table and she can bring a lunch box...

BlackeyedSusan · 04/08/2021 20:31

Every other meal could be a chicken nugget place. Any more than that is too much of an ask.