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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this a bit annoying at EVERY meal?

339 replies

mockingbirdi · 04/08/2021 18:08

A good friend of mine has invited a new friend into our friendship group. There was originally about 4/5 of us going for lunch or dinner whenever so now there's 5/6. Absolutely fine

Except this friend of hers is nice enough but insists on eating chicken nuggets and chips! At every place we go

She was invited out with us to an Italian on Saturday. She has posted in the grouch at that she won't come as 'There isn't anything on the menu for me 😔'

So now, my friend that was originally her friend before she came into the group is saying we should change where we eat! So no Italian because they don't actually sell chicken nuggets and chips. And no Chinese that we like, or Japanese, as again nothing she wants there

AIBU to think this is ridiculous now?

OP posts:
ODFOx · 04/08/2021 18:42

Any Italian that isn't a pizza pasta chain will do grilled meat in some form or chicken Milanese ( as a pp said it's a big breaded nugget/hammered breast) so this is a chance for her to have something new that she's guaranteed to like.
Maybe as a group if you are used to mixing up the choices you could alternate so you can pick something with nursery food every couple of months and then you can have other food styles the rest of the time?

TheDevils · 04/08/2021 18:43

@sounknown

I can see both sides of this.. I have an eating disorder called AFRID whereby I always stick to my 'known' foods. The thought of being out of my comfort zone terrifies me, and especially being around friends too as I feel the pressure. I find it extremely embarrassing but it's something I can't control.

Maybe this lady has the same thing.

Me too. I'm currently having hypnotherapy for it but it is a long process.

Eating out is stressful.

Unfortunately I've found that many posters on MN are not very sympathetic towards this condition though.

CovidDoesNotExistDuh · 04/08/2021 18:43

@ivfbabymomma1
Morrison's cafe?
Ideal girls meal venue 🤣🤣🤣

Doingtheboxerbeat · 04/08/2021 18:43

She sounds like an idiot, not because of her limited diet but because she hasn't got the good social grace to tell you all to go ahead without her.

Happyhappyday · 04/08/2021 18:43

YANBU. I have an actual medical issue (no gluten) and never expected anyone to change plans because of me. Once had to eat a bowl of plain broccoli and boiled plain potatoes because that was it. Subsisted on granola bars and peanut butter & rice cakes on regular work trips to Germany. It sucked but that’s the way it goes!

I have no patience for picky eaters expecting to be accommodated.

TheDevils · 04/08/2021 18:46

She can't be that fussy as she likes a roast dinner, but says she just loves chicken nuggets above most stuff

I suffer from ARFID and will happily eat a roast dinner. It's not up to you to decide what constitutes a selective eater.

Justcashnosweets · 04/08/2021 18:47

YANBU. I certainly wouldn't be changing my plans for someone who eats like a child and expects everyone to accomodate her. Not a chance.

TheDevils · 04/08/2021 18:47

However, I would never expect people to
change their plans because of my eating issues.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 04/08/2021 18:47

Totally unreasonable. The rest of you should make it clear that she can only choose the venue e.g. if there are 5 of you, once in 5 times.

Reminds me of a colleague of dh when they were on a business trip in SE Asia.
All that lovely local food, and literally all the boring bugger would ever eat was steak and chips. In the hotel.

Luckily dh didn’t mind at all going to eat on his own.

Original poster
mockingbirdi · 04/08/2021 18:51

Nobody else will stand up to her picky ways because they feel sorry for her. As do I, but it doesn't give her rights to dictate like she's doing

OP posts:
TheDevils · 04/08/2021 18:51

Reminds me of a colleague of dh when they were on a business trip in SE Asia.
All that lovely local food, and literally all the boring bugger would ever eat was steak and chips. In the hotel.

Why are people so invested in other people eating habits and preferences.

I physically couldn't eat local food in that situation. When I've travelled for work I have lived off room service and biscuits and fruit.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 04/08/2021 18:54

@mockingbirdi

Nobody else will stand up to her picky ways because they feel sorry for her. As do I, but it doesn't give her rights to dictate like she's doing
Interested to see what happens now you've said 'we had planned Italian'
Original poster
mockingbirdi · 04/08/2021 18:54

@Skiptheheartsandflowers It's on blue tick, so everyone has seen...

OP posts:
Crockof · 04/08/2021 18:54

@TheDevils

Reminds me of a colleague of dh when they were on a business trip in SE Asia. All that lovely local food, and literally all the boring bugger would ever eat was steak and chips. In the hotel.

Why are people so invested in other people eating habits and preferences.

I physically couldn't eat local food in that situation. When I've travelled for work I have lived off room service and biscuits and fruit.

Because, in the case of the op, it affects everyone else. Everyone else is meant to forgoe everything they like to appease another. Appeasement is never something we should strive towards. It is not inclusion it is a dictatorship.
Doingtheboxerbeat · 04/08/2021 18:57

Is this possible that this is financial? There is a massive difference between restaurant prices and the 241 meals you get at pub grub type places. You can literally get 2 meals like chicken nuggets and chips / lasagne and chips for £6 in a lot of city centre pubs where I live 🤔.

Goshitstricky · 04/08/2021 18:58

Ugh this is the worst! I am the 'difficult' guest at dinner parties or eating out as I have legitimate allergies a mile long.
I generally will go anywhere though and either call ahead and ask if it would be ok to order something very plain and simple from the kitchen due to allergies or I will quietly ask when I get there if I've not been able to call ahead.
If the answer is no then. I will happily sit and chat to my friends with a drink whilst they eat.
My goal is always to make it as little of a deal as can be because I know it's my issue not my companions.

SpeakingFranglais · 04/08/2021 18:58

Hi OP, after just spending a lovely weekend in London with all its culinary delights and spending 72 hours in the company of a friends husband that only eats Indian and Thai, YANBU. We can and do eat Indian and Thai, every fucking time we go out with them. He only eats the same two things at the Indian and Thai too.

He had a massive sulk for two days because we didn’t pamper to his limited diet and I am seriously pissed off.

Tell her to do one, bring a butty or eat before she comes. No just No.

My weekend away made me realise just how often (every time) we indulge fussy DH of friend.

I’m done.

Original poster
mockingbirdi · 04/08/2021 18:59

@Doingtheboxerbeat

Is this possible that this is financial? There is a massive difference between restaurant prices and the 241 meals you get at pub grub type places. You can literally get 2 meals like chicken nuggets and chips / lasagne and chips for £6 in a lot of city centre pubs where I live 🤔.

The various cocktails, WKD, desserts, etc, would suggest otherwise

OP posts:
HeronLanyon · 04/08/2021 19:00

Oh dear oh dear. She has what sounds a real food issue to be so limited and junk food as well.
Of course the group shouldn’t start limiting outings to restaurants. Sounds as though eating out is of no or little interest to this woman so maybe do different things with her. Kelp eating out as a group and keep enjoying whatever you want to eat.

TheGenealogist · 04/08/2021 19:00

Is your friend a toddler?

The only thing worse than a fussy, picky eater, is a fussy, picky eater who tries to make everyone else dance to their own beige tastes.

EmoIsntDead · 04/08/2021 19:01

Oh god no, don’t change to suit her or she’ll expect it all the time. I have a friend who is a very picky eater but she manages to find something most places we go. If going out to nice places to eat is your group’s ‘thing’ then it clearly doesn’t suit her.

TheDevils · 04/08/2021 19:01

Because, in the case of the op, it affects everyone else. Everyone else is meant to forgoe everything they like to appease another. Appeasement is never something we should strive towards. It is not inclusion it is a dictatorship.

But it's not just the OP I'm referring to. I agree that she shouldn't be dictating where they should eat. I go out of my way to accommodate others and would rather not eat than have a meal revolve around my preferences.

I was referring to those that refer to people as a 'boring bugger' for not indulging in food in the same way they would.
People become over invested in other people's eating habits and it's frustrating

Minfilia · 04/08/2021 19:03

Bollocks to that. She sounds like a right pain in the arse.

I have no time for NT picky eaters though. She’s behaving like a toddler and manipulating you into changing to suit her needs.

Stick to your guns and maybe invite her for drinks after the meal if you feel like being nice, although honestly I’m not sure I could be friends with someone who behaved like that, and you 100% shouldn’t have to change your plans for someone you’ve only known for a month!

TheDevils · 04/08/2021 19:03

@TheGenealogist

Is your friend a toddler?

The only thing worse than a fussy, picky eater, is a fussy, picky eater who tries to make everyone else dance to their own beige tastes.

Maybe she has ARFID.

It's rude to refer to someone as toddler just because they don't have as varied a diet as you.

LanisHouseLot · 04/08/2021 19:04

Maybe suggest you take it in turns to pick the venue so that each person has a chance to dictate the cuisine. Anyone who wants to duck out of a particular occasion will be free to do so, or they can just come for dessert and drinks. Nothing wrong with being a fussy eater, it's a free country, plenty wrong with imposing it on others.