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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this a bit annoying at EVERY meal?

339 replies

mockingbirdi · 04/08/2021 18:08

A good friend of mine has invited a new friend into our friendship group. There was originally about 4/5 of us going for lunch or dinner whenever so now there's 5/6. Absolutely fine

Except this friend of hers is nice enough but insists on eating chicken nuggets and chips! At every place we go

She was invited out with us to an Italian on Saturday. She has posted in the grouch at that she won't come as 'There isn't anything on the menu for me 😔'

So now, my friend that was originally her friend before she came into the group is saying we should change where we eat! So no Italian because they don't actually sell chicken nuggets and chips. And no Chinese that we like, or Japanese, as again nothing she wants there

AIBU to think this is ridiculous now?

OP posts:
MarleneDietrichsSmile · 04/08/2021 19:05

So annoying if a new member in a group starts to immediately lay down the law that everyone has to do what suits her.

I had a friend-of-friend join a friend supper group like that. We all became adept at saying “such a shame, hopefully you’ll be able to join us next time”

I hate being manipulated

miltonj · 04/08/2021 19:07

It's annoying, but it sounds like it's your original friend that is driving it, whereas the new friend accepted she couldn't come because of the menu, so don't blame her, maybe private message your original friend saying as a group you'd rather go Italian, but so you think new friend will come out for a drink after?

I do think however, your posts come across a bit judgmental about her eating habits - everyone's different and it doesn't sound as though she's inflicting get choices on you.

Overthebow · 04/08/2021 19:08

I couldn’t be dealing with that. Ridiculous for a grown adult to dictate to a group like that.

MarleneDietrichsSmile · 04/08/2021 19:10

She IS inflicting her choices though. That is the problem

miltonj · 04/08/2021 19:12

@MarleneDietrichsSmile

She IS inflicting her choices though. That is the problem
But it was all the other friends who suggested changing. She didn't ask.
miltonj · 04/08/2021 19:13

@LanisHouseLot

Maybe suggest you take it in turns to pick the venue so that each person has a chance to dictate the cuisine. Anyone who wants to duck out of a particular occasion will be free to do so, or they can just come for dessert and drinks. Nothing wrong with being a fussy eater, it's a free country, plenty wrong with imposing it on others.
That's a really good suggestion.
Wishihadanalgorithm · 04/08/2021 19:13

I’d just stop inviting her unless we were going is a kids’ menu. It doesn’t matter why this person can only eat nuggets she doesn’t get to dictate every single meal you and your friends go out for.

TheDevils · 04/08/2021 19:13

I do think however, your posts come across a bit judgmental about her eating habits

And her choice of drinks 🙄

moita · 04/08/2021 19:14

My SIL is like this. We went on holiday and she couls never find any food she liked but if we suggested we eat separately she'd get offended Hmm

TooWicked · 04/08/2021 19:15

But it was all the other friends who suggested changing. She didn't ask.

She might as well have asked.

She should have just said she can’t make it this time, or said “I’ll join you for a drink before/after” instead of her “there’s nothing on the menu for me, boo boo sad face emoji” reply.

whatthejiggeries · 04/08/2021 19:18

Well I wouldn't change the venue. If she has eating issues maybe she should suggest another activity or meet afterwards but no way would I only go somewhere that sells chicken nuggets

LadyCatStark · 04/08/2021 19:21

I’ll swap you my friend who will only eat margarita pizza. You’ll need to accommodate her children though who are somehow even pickier!

SpeakingFranglais · 04/08/2021 19:22

I think you should say to Your mate - “We’ve chosen to eat at Nonna Italia as we haven’t been there for ages, can you check 01234 667890 and check if they can accommodate your dietary restrictions.”

starfishmummy · 04/08/2021 19:24

I actually stopped going to meals out with one group (still go to other get togethers) because organising somewhere to eat was a nightmare with everyone's requirements. One person in particular is a pita as she basically says no to every suggestion but has no suggestions to make of her own.

Kanaloa · 04/08/2021 19:25

Sounds daft to be honest. For medical reasons I can’t eat many foods - I would just go along and have something quite plain. She sounds like she’s just fussy, in which case I’d just say what a shame hopefully we’ll see you next time. I’m sure there would be something she can eat at an Italian, like a mild spaghetti dish or a garlic bread pizza thing.

To be honest I find most people like this it isn’t about food but control. Otherwise she wouldn’t have put the drippy message, she would have just said she can’t this time.

Germolenequeen · 04/08/2021 19:28

do think however, your posts come across a bit judgmental about her eating habits

And her choice of drinks 🙄

Yep - sounds as if you really don't like her at all tbh 🤨

FlyingPandas · 04/08/2021 19:29

It's not the picky eating that's the problem here, it's the fact that she is openly trying to guilt-trip and manipulate a group of friends having only very recently joined it.

That's out of order, no matter what your eating issues are.

I have a teenaged DS who is very limited in terms of what he will eat (in his case, major food texture/sensory issues relating to ASD) and it is difficult. I genuinely sympathise with anyone who struggles with eating or has a family member who struggles with eating. But I would never expect anyone to bend over backwards to accommodate DS and neither would he. As brutal as it sounds, he has to learn that the world cannot revolve around him.

A mature, sensible adult suffering from a genuine eating problem needs to own it, acknowledge it, deal with it and not assume everyone else will pander to it. Not do childish sad face emojis because they can't have nuggets and a milkshake.

OP I think your response was perfect and I hope you get your Italian meal!

Glassbook · 04/08/2021 19:30

I’d be furious about this. Well done OP! Hope the others back you up.

gogohm · 04/08/2021 19:30

My friend only eats things she can eat with her hands, it's due to her hidden disability that means using cutlery is hit or miss as in she misses her mouth! If you didn't know you would think it was her being picky or rude

SchrodingersMat · 04/08/2021 19:33

No way I would be pandering to a pathetic womanchild like that, she can fuck off with her manipulative sad faced emojis. If she wants to join you she can have some chicken nuggets at home first. Her food issues are her own to deal with, it’s not up to everybody else to work around them.

Sally872 · 04/08/2021 19:34

Your response is perfect. I think it is more than reasonable if she has been at the last few then she can skip one. I think if I was that fussy I would hope maybe every second meet up would suit.

Antsinyourpanta · 04/08/2021 19:41

My teen DD would live off chicken nuggets and chips given half the chance although she'd be fine in an italian restaurant because she also eats (magarita) pizza. Shes incredibly fussy.we accommodate her 99% of the time but if we (very occassionally) go for indian or Chinese, she eats more at lunch and will have to put up with a naan bread, or prawn crackers as her evening meal.

TheRebelle · 04/08/2021 19:42

Why doesn’t she just call ahead and explain for whatever reason she only eats chicken nuggets and chips, could they make it for her or she bring her own and still pay the cost of a main meal? I’m sure most restaurants are used to accommodating people with allergies/eating disorders.

TheGenealogist · 04/08/2021 19:44

@SchrodingersMat

No way I would be pandering to a pathetic womanchild like that, she can fuck off with her manipulative sad faced emojis. If she wants to join you she can have some chicken nuggets at home first. Her food issues are her own to deal with, it’s not up to everybody else to work around them.
This is exactly it. Feel free to have whatever hang ups and disorders you want around food.

But why should people who are more than happy to eat a wide range of food and try new things to always be limited by one member of the group who insists that they all dance to her tune, by eating chicken nuggets?

A decent individual would take one of the strategies suggested - meeting later for drinks, just ordering garlic bread or whatever, taking it in turns to suggest a location.

billy1966 · 04/08/2021 19:45

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

I'd just say "sorry your friend doesnt like the restaurants we sometimes go to - why doesnt she join us afterwards for drinks at X? Understand if you would rather wait and meet when she comes too, but if not, table at Italians is booked at 7"
This.

I'm old, but NONE of my friends would entertain this for a minute.

NOTHING comes between us and our meal in a good restaurant.

No one I know will go for drinks....a meal has to be part of the arrangement.

I think it is because we are ALL shit sick of cooking, so nice food is critical to any catch up😂

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