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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this a bit annoying at EVERY meal?

339 replies

mockingbirdi · 04/08/2021 18:08

A good friend of mine has invited a new friend into our friendship group. There was originally about 4/5 of us going for lunch or dinner whenever so now there's 5/6. Absolutely fine

Except this friend of hers is nice enough but insists on eating chicken nuggets and chips! At every place we go

She was invited out with us to an Italian on Saturday. She has posted in the grouch at that she won't come as 'There isn't anything on the menu for me 😔'

So now, my friend that was originally her friend before she came into the group is saying we should change where we eat! So no Italian because they don't actually sell chicken nuggets and chips. And no Chinese that we like, or Japanese, as again nothing she wants there

AIBU to think this is ridiculous now?

OP posts:
WrinklesShminkles · 04/08/2021 18:24

"Does she have gastric problems?"

Almost certainly, on that diet.

Starjammer · 04/08/2021 18:24

Surely an Italian has loads of choices too. I'd just say something like 'That's a shame, they have loads on the menu and I'm really looking forward to eating there, but maybe you can join us after/next time!' And enjoy your bloody Italian.

I understand some people have food issues outwith their control, but I think it's very rude to guilt trip people with sad faces into changing venue because you are so limited. I would just eat before I went and have drinks or meet after. But I really doubt there's nothing she can eat on the menu at an Italian restaurant.

Ozanj · 04/08/2021 18:24

It’s an invitation not a summons. If she doesn’t like the look of the restaurant the polite thing to do is to say no.

onelittlefrog · 04/08/2021 18:24

No you shouldn't change your restaurant choices for a new member.

If you're an established group and going to different restaurants is your "thing" then she can choose to slot in with that, or not.

It sounds like sometimes you go to places that she is happy to eat, so just say sorry it doesn't suit you this time round - this is our choice this week but next time we'll go to Harvester/ Toby Carvery/ whatever other place she can eat. Compromise but don't go NuggetsRUs every time!

Original poster
mockingbirdi · 04/08/2021 18:25

@Lockdownbear

Chinese do Sweet and sour chicken without the sauce aka Chicken Balls.

What's the difference between them and nuggets?

I'd imagine it's the style of it that's different

For example, she likes the sort of chips they serve at a pub/cafe. She has them with ketchup smothered on top

Her favourite place to eat is a pub or cafe where she can have strawberry milkshake with it

OP posts:
MustBeDueSomeBetterFeet · 04/08/2021 18:27

Surely others in your group think this is peculiar, too?

Original poster
mockingbirdi · 04/08/2021 18:28

@MustBeDueSomeBetterFeet

Surely others in your group think this is peculiar, too?

They want to dance too much to her tune as she's had a tough 2 years. But I've asked my friend who is close to her and her diet has always been like it really

OP posts:
ShitPoetryClub · 04/08/2021 18:28

We have a little group of 4 who meet up to dine out at least monthly. A while back I suggested inviting someone else along and the other 3 were aghast and said, what we have now works and they didn't want to spoil the dynamic. Fair enough.
Now I understand why.

tulippa · 04/08/2021 18:30

Surely the whole point of paying extra to go out to eat is so you can choose something different that you wouldn't normally make at home?
YANBU

Funnylittlefloozie · 04/08/2021 18:30

Is she actually 10? She sounds like an aggravating kid! Milkshakes and nuggets, ffs!

Inastatus · 04/08/2021 18:32

YANBU - milkshakes and chicken nuggets! She is behaving like a small child.

WrinklesShminkles · 04/08/2021 18:32

Chicken Milanese is basically a large chicken nugget... Grin

worriedatthemoment · 04/08/2021 18:33

She could go to italian and have olives , puddings and drinks
My ds nearly 18 eats a very limited diet and we often go out and he has garlic bread and chips , or has been known to just have a pudding if nothing else he likes , just so he joins in and can eat a meal before he goes

Pedalpushers · 04/08/2021 18:33

It would be one thing if it happened once - one person doesn't love the menu so everyone picks somewhere else. Once.

Why does she even want to join a group that is centred around going for dinner when she doesn't like food?

worriedatthemoment · 04/08/2021 18:34

Tbf though the person who is fussy has just posted not for me , its the other friend suggesting a change

pelosi · 04/08/2021 18:35

You would all be foolish to give into this. Don't change the venue, you will set a precedent for her.

Original poster
mockingbirdi · 04/08/2021 18:36

@worriedatthemoment

Tbf though the person who is fussy has just posted not for me , its the other friend suggesting a change

No, she's clearing getting us to feel a bit bad with the sad face emoji

Then when one person suggested we could always find something else, she said 'Ahh, would you mind though?'

Yes I bloody would mind!

So I said 'We had the Italian planned and were looking forward to it. No worries at all if it isn't for you!'

OP posts:
Crockof · 04/08/2021 18:36

It's like everything these days, being inclusive means inflicting your ideas on other people and expecting them to conform.

2LostSoulsSwimmingInAFishBowl · 04/08/2021 18:38

It doesn’t sound like she suits going out for dinner to be honest, due to her very limited (and what sounds like appalling) diet. Maybe she can socialise when food isn’t the main event of your socialising?

Maybe it’s me projecting because going out for dinner is a treat for me so being restricted to eating at Harvester/Toby carvery/fucking Wetherspoons would piss me off massively.

MrsMcTats · 04/08/2021 18:39

This would drive me insane. I would also feel uncomfortable dictating to such a new group of friends, but she obviously doesn't care. You're just going to have to say that variety is the spice of life and you don't want to eat at a nugget place every time. Suggest she broadens her horizons and yes, as a pp said, chicken Milanese is breaded fried chicken breast. She could have that with fries instead of spaghetti.

Summersun2020 · 04/08/2021 18:39

Oh no way would I tolerate this from an adult. She sounds an absolute nob.

Summersun2020 · 04/08/2021 18:40

Just saw your update op-good for you!! She needs to get a grip!

WithLargeTableMouse · 04/08/2021 18:40

@sounknown

I can see both sides of this.. I have an eating disorder called AFRID whereby I always stick to my 'known' foods. The thought of being out of my comfort zone terrifies me, and especially being around friends too as I feel the pressure. I find it extremely embarrassing but it's something I can't control.

Maybe this lady has the same thing.

12 year old DS has Arfid and it’s incredibly hard for him to eat out. We either don’t go out for meals with him, ask in advance if he can have something in particular or ask if we can bring something for him. He will only eat in pizza express or Nando’s as he can just have garlic bread. I was living in hope that it would get easier as he gets older but am I just kidding myself @sounknown? Anyway, if this friend really wants to come can she not do similar instead of where you can go?
ivfbabymomma1 · 04/08/2021 18:41

Apart from McDonald's etc & weatherspoons where actually sells chicken nuggets & chips for adults?! That would annoy me too!

HungryHippo11 · 04/08/2021 18:41

Chinese restaurant will do chicken balls and chips which is basically the same

Japanese she could have chicken katsu without the sauce

Most Italian places will have some sort of chicken breast on the menu, but maybe not breaded.

Its fine if she doesn't want to eat at these places but she can't dictate what everyone else has especially as a newcomer.

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