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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this a bit annoying at EVERY meal?

339 replies

mockingbirdi · 04/08/2021 18:08

A good friend of mine has invited a new friend into our friendship group. There was originally about 4/5 of us going for lunch or dinner whenever so now there's 5/6. Absolutely fine

Except this friend of hers is nice enough but insists on eating chicken nuggets and chips! At every place we go

She was invited out with us to an Italian on Saturday. She has posted in the grouch at that she won't come as 'There isn't anything on the menu for me 😔'

So now, my friend that was originally her friend before she came into the group is saying we should change where we eat! So no Italian because they don't actually sell chicken nuggets and chips. And no Chinese that we like, or Japanese, as again nothing she wants there

AIBU to think this is ridiculous now?

OP posts:
Sally872 · 05/08/2021 15:16

Excellent result. Well done op. 👏

Hopefully she can come up with some suggestions that suit all or push herself push of her comfort zone.

philosopherspebble · 05/08/2021 15:26

The sad face emojis are so out of order. This is an established group who dine out together, she needs to fit in with your plans or graciously wait until next time. Though I’m afraid she’s rather set the tone now for all future bookings, you’re all going to be conscious of the presence (or not) of nuggets on the menu…

Recessed · 05/08/2021 15:28

Gosh how irritating!! One of my best friends is a bit tedious with her pernikity food habits nonsense but not as bad as that. I wouldn't alter my plans to suit my toddlers love of chicken and chips never mind a fully grown adult YANBU.

Winemewhynot · 05/08/2021 15:36

Well doing OP for putting the nugget lover in her place and not pandering to the sad face emojis.

Enjoy your lovely Italians without the tag along toddler 🤦🏽‍♀️

dreamingbohemian · 05/08/2021 15:57

[quote mockingbirdi]@dreamingbohemian Can you please plain how I'm the odd one out for not pandering to someone wanting people to just go to places, these people being completely new friends, unless there is a chicken nuggets and chips meal option available Hmm[/quote]
Well you're the odd one out because everyone else has agreed to changing the plan. You can say they shouldn't agree to it, but they have, and willingly according to the friend you contacted privately.

Still wondering what has happened to this woman that everyone else feels badly for her and is willing to accommodate her.

To be clear, I wouldn't be happy about the situation but I would rather have gone with it this one last time after everyone else agreed and then tried to put in a new system as PP suggested, where everyone takes turns suggesting a place.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 05/08/2021 16:01

OP you need to be friends with me. I wouldn't tolerate the sad face shit either and I wouldn't feel bad for her.

What I would do is find the spiciest and most exotic meal in town, take you there and have amazing food and cocktails, not a chicken nugget in sight Grin

Who wants to join our lunch club?

QueenBee52 · 05/08/2021 16:05

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

OP you need to be friends with me. I wouldn't tolerate the sad face shit either and I wouldn't feel bad for her.

What I would do is find the spiciest and most exotic meal in town, take you there and have amazing food and cocktails, not a chicken nugget in sight Grin

Who wants to join our lunch club?

me either..

sounds like 'Tail wagging the Dog' situation

sod that 🌸

dryasaboner · 05/08/2021 16:11

I have afrid and it really annoys me how people see it as being an awkward toddler/immature/selfish etc l. I suggest people on here do some reading up on it.
But more importantly ....
'Chicken nuggets are like my family'

WiddlinDiddlin · 05/08/2021 16:18

[quote CoalTit]@WiddlinDiddlin
I was trying to educate myself and read about your eating disorder, but when you use baby talk such as eeuuuuuuuuuugh boak to describe a chicken wing with a bone where the chicken evolved to have it, it's hard to see you as anything but an adult trying to get away with behaving like a toddler, and easier to assume the same about other picky eaters.[/quote]
Oh boy, using onomatopoeic words to convey a strength of feeling or reaction in a post is 'baby talk' means I am trying to get away with behaving like a toddler?

I don't sit there making 'euuuuugh' noises or saying 'boak' at the table - I just remove myself quietly before that can happen.

In what way is it relevant that the chicken evolved to contain bones?
The sight of greasy grey bones being pulled out of bits of meat, or people holding them and gnawing and pulling strips of stringy meat off them makes me feel sick, it always has, I wish it didn't but there we are.

I fail to see how any adult would 'try to get away.... ' with whatever, why, what benefit is there, what does that achieve? It's been a fuck of a long time since I had to sit and try to eat a plate of something I can't eat - I am despite your attempts to infantalise me, an adult, I no longer have to go through that horror!

I think you've no intention or desire to understand eating disorders at all, after all it's hard work trying to empathise with someone when you could just attempt to belittle them instead.

FlowerArranger · 05/08/2021 16:24

I have not read the whole thread, but why don't you just take turns suggesting the next restaurant for your get-together?

Inastatus · 05/08/2021 16:25

@dryasaboner

I have afrid and it really annoys me how people see it as being an awkward toddler/immature/selfish etc l. I suggest people on here do some reading up on it. But more importantly .... 'Chicken nuggets are like my family'
@dryasaboner - just looked it up, it’s ARFID, not AFRID.
QueenBee52 · 05/08/2021 16:26

@FlowerArranger

I have not read the whole thread, but why don't you just take turns suggesting the next restaurant for your get-together?

that's the problem..

the new friend will only eat in places that serve chicken nuggets and chips ... except McDonalds she won't eat there 🙄

Bonheurdupasse · 05/08/2021 16:43

Well done OP, good result.
Be careful she might try it again. She seems very manipulative.

QueenBee52 · 05/08/2021 16:48

@mockingbirdi

The selective eater friend finally replied this morning with 'Ill just sit out this time, dw ☹️'

I said that's a shame, we look forward to seeing you next time!

Good on you.. 🤣😂

nocturnalcatfreetogoodhome · 05/08/2021 17:08

@mockingbirdi

The selective eater friend finally replied this morning with 'Ill just sit out this time, dw ☹️'

I said that's a shame, we look forward to seeing you next time!

God how embarrassing. Why add the sad face.

Good on you OP. She could have come she was just being difficult.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 05/08/2021 17:17

The oldest person I know who does this is 7.

QueenBee52 · 05/08/2021 17:17

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

The oldest person I know who does this is 7.

🤣😂🤣

DeRigueurMortis · 05/08/2021 17:19

I think you've no intention or desire to understand eating disorders at all, after all it's hard work trying to empathise with someone when you could just attempt to belittle them instead.

I agree there have been some very cutting posts on this thread.

That said I don't actually think this is a thread about ED's at all.

It's about a person whose been invited into a long standing social circle, that revolves around food and eating a variety of different cuisines.

It's not appropriate to join such a group and then try and guilt trip everyone in it to dance to your tune because you don't actually share their interest in food.

If what they are doing doesn't suit you, then decline the invitation or find a way to make some accommodation to make it work for you - not expect the group to compromise and especially press the point with passive aggressive sad face emojis.

It doesn't have to be about food. It could be anything from knitting to fell walking.

No-one would say it's acceptable to suggest instead of going on the proposed 10 mile hilly hike in the Dales, a group goes on a 2 mile stroll along the beachfront because someone new to it isn't fit/doesn't have the right equipment etc etc.

Being mean in this case would be deliberately choosing restaurants every time she didn't like or not inviting her at all - not behaving "as normal" by rotating through a number of different cuisines and letting her make the decision to attend or not.

BorderlineHappy · 05/08/2021 17:25

God how embarrassing. Why add the sad face
@nocturnalcatfreetogoodhome to make the op feel bad

WiddlinDiddlin · 05/08/2021 18:27

@DeRigueurMortis

Absolutely, and I said so in my first post - if its a social group ABOUT going to different restaurants then its a shame but its not the group for her.

If its a social group that sometimes meets at restaurants, and sometimes elsewhere - she should just go to the ones that suit her, and accept that not all the trips out will be suitable for her.

MzHz · 05/08/2021 18:36

I think if you all go out next time and she’s not there, it’s worth canvassing opinions about how much you all are prepared to limit yourselves to beige food going forward

Not everyone has or would want to come every single time, but it’ll be interesting to see how the others feel.

If your friend feels sorry for her, she’s always free to make separate arrangements to meet up with her and eat nuggets…

DeRigueurMortis · 05/08/2021 18:45

[quote WiddlinDiddlin]@DeRigueurMortis

Absolutely, and I said so in my first post - if its a social group ABOUT going to different restaurants then its a shame but its not the group for her.

If its a social group that sometimes meets at restaurants, and sometimes elsewhere - she should just go to the ones that suit her, and accept that not all the trips out will be suitable for her.[/quote]

Yes we seem to be on the same page 😀

OhRene · 05/08/2021 19:01

@FairFuming

I just left a man who was fussy like this he told folk it was allergies which it 100% wasn't and bitched and complained if we went anywhere where food would be slightly different or might contain garlic (yes I should have seen this red flag and run a mile).

I'm now celebrating my culinary freedom. I'm glad you didn't pander to her, it would only have gotten worse as time went on.

M husband was a ridiculous eater when I met him. He didn't like this and that but had never actually tried this and that. He just "didn't like it" and couldn't say why.

I introduced him to loads of new foods and he's so much better nowadays. Still will only entertain buying one single, simple boring dish from any Indian or Chinese we go to but we're getting there. At least he's willing to try stuff on occasion now.

His dad is far worse and eats like a fussy toddler. Happy to stuff his face with crisps all day but won't eat chicken, or pork, or sausages that don't come from a small packet like Walls or Richmond (he won't eat butchers sausages or ones that come in a cling filmed polystyrene tray because they're "not the right ones".) he does not have genuine food issues, he's just really silly and set in his ways eating low quality Hooghly processed shit over fresh, real stuff.
He was thoroughly enjoying a new coffee the other day and showed DH. DH read the can and said "Oh, with chocolate and cherry notes. Sounds nice!" His DF was horrified. Found out later he binned the whole tin. Hmm

DrSbaitso · 05/08/2021 19:02

Enjoy your meal, Italian food is delicious.

FlowerArranger · 05/08/2021 19:07

@QueenBee52 - I get that!

Friend will be abe to nominate a chicken nugget friendly venue when it's her turn. The rest of the time she can either turn up to the other's chosen Restaurants - or not...