To find this a bit annoying at EVERY meal?

[mockingbirdi]

A good friend of mine has invited a new friend into our friendship group. There was originally about 4/5 of us going for lunch or dinner whenever so now there's 5/6. Absolutely fine

Except this friend of hers is nice enough but insists on eating chicken nuggets and chips! At every place we go

She was invited out with us to an Italian on Saturday. She has posted in the grouch at that she won't come as 'There isn't anything on the menu for me 😔'

So now, my friend that was originally her friend before she came into the group is saying we should change where we eat! So no Italian because they don't actually sell chicken nuggets and chips. And no Chinese that we like, or Japanese, as again nothing she wants there

AIBU to think this is ridiculous now?

@TheDevils it’s ironic that you are making this thread all about you, when that is exactly what Op’s friend is doing (which is what makes it annoying)

Yes there has to be a bit of give and take from everyone, ideally. But whilst you and OP friend want to get everyone else to bend to their needs (medical or otherwise) , everyone else in the group (on this thread, in life) has their own personal issues as well.

Making it all about oneself is a bit self centred imo

Good reply OP

Bloody sad-face- manipulations…

Ooh I hate fussy eaters and their insistence that there is nothing on the extensive menu and refusal to try anything new.

I'd be putting my foot down and saying "never mind, maybe next time"

@WiddlinDiddlin
I was trying to educate myself and read about your eating disorder, but when you use baby talk such as eeuuuuuuuuuugh boak to describe a chicken wing with a bone where the chicken evolved to have it, it's hard to see you as anything but an adult trying to get away with behaving like a toddler, and easier to assume the same about other picky eaters.

It's not the restricted eating that's the problem though.
My friend has dairy and gluten allergies and she did a fantastic job of navigating us to suitable eating establishments when we've been away without restricting anyone's choices or making a huge deal of it.

The issue here is the teary emojis and the poor me attitude which unfortunately it seems like rest of group is prepared to suck up.

@Germolenequeen

do think however, your posts come across a bit judgmental about her eating habits

And her choice of drinks 🙄

Yep - sounds as if you really don't like her at all tbh 🤨

I am just catching up woth this... and I am surpsied anyone would even begin to question OP about whether or not she likes the woman.

She just doesn't want to be emotionally blackmailed into making every meal out meet one person's preferences, thus restricting/spoiling the event for the majority.

Many people have food issues and, when faced with a choice that doesn't suit them, simple pass on the offer, meet up for drinks before or afterwards and wish everyone has a nice meal - DSis with coeliac does this very often! Anyone with a real issues must surely be used to that!

Yes there has to be a bit of give and take from everyone, ideally. But whilst you and OP friend want to get everyone else to bend to their needs (medical or otherwise) , everyone else in the group (on this thread, in life) has their own personal issues as well.

Are you unable to read? I have NEVER asked anyone to bend or cater specifically to my needs. I go out of my way to not do that.
I agree that the the OPs friend is being completely unreasonable.

I didn't want to make this thread about me. I pointed out early on in the thread that MN isn't very sympathetic about selective eating disorders ( now known as ARFID) and sure enough it didn't take long for people to prove my point. I have asked people not to refer to people with this type of disorder as toddlers as it's a common response which is hurtful and has caused me an awful lot of stress over the years.

I've had personal attacks, which I've responded to and people have asked me questions, which I've also responded to.

@WiddlinDiddlin step away from the thread.

You cannot educate, or eat, pork

(Apologies, to all! I hate that saying but, on this thread, with ARFID being discussed, it was too good to miss )

[quote CoalTit]@WiddlinDiddlin
I was trying to educate myself and read about your eating disorder, but when you use baby talk such as eeuuuuuuuuuugh boak to describe a chicken wing with a bone where the chicken evolved to have it, it's hard to see you as anything but an adult trying to get away with behaving like a toddler, and easier to assume the same about other picky eaters.[/quote]
You know what they say about making assumptions..........

@mockingbirdi

The selective eater friend finally replied this morning with 'Ill just sit out this time, dw ☹️'

I said that's a shame, we look forward to seeing you next time!

Do you know what she eats at home? Does she never eat pasta or pizza?

If she literally lives in chicken nuggets and chips she needs to develop an attitude similar to the PP who says she wouldn’t let her selective food likes to dictate what others do. If she eats other food, she’s being weirdly controlling. Very strange behaviour in a group anyway, but especially in a group of people she’s just met.

She clearly has food issues. I had a friend who was a recovered anorexic who would do this because she was still fearful of lots of new foods. But, do not change where you eat all the time, every so often is fine but I wouldn't want to modulate all my nights out for her. She's making her own choices.

Alternatively ask if she can eat before she comes and just enjoy drinks while you eat.

It is monumentally rude to join an established group who enjoys eating out and then force everyone to go to places that only serve nuggets, chips and strawberry milkshakes.

If you have some sort of eating disorder that prevents you from socialising in eating places, then don’t join such a group.

And yes, I have RTFT.

Good reply op. She sounds like a manipulative pain in the backside!

Good reply Op. Enjoy your meals out!

Literally nobody has said anything derogatory about your eating disorder. It’s like you’re having an argument with yourself. This thread isn’t about you. Do you also suffer from narcissism?

Can't be doing with fussy eaters. I'm a coeliac and my friends kindly try their best (without my asking) to make sure there's a GF option available for me. Sometimes I don't fancy the said option, because it's just not what I like...I eat it anyway or order some sides, or just eat before and have drinks.

I'm now also dairy free, soya free, and legume free as I'm breastfeeding DS who has allergies. I still don't foist my preferences on people. I either eat what's safe or eat beforehand.

I certainly wouldn't push my issues on to a new group! I get that ARFID is a thing, but a) this woman doesn't seem to be a candidate for it if she'll eat any desserts, etc. And b) even if she did, her issues shouldn't impinge on everyone else.

If going out for a meal is what your group do then I think the person who decided to add someone who was very fussy was at fault. She is in danger of splitting up the group. It's unclear why the woman who wanted her to join didn't just continue to see her alone. I think your group continues to meet and fussy eater comes or doesn't come. She sounds manipulative with all the sad faces so I suspect the group will split and those who didn't introduce the fussy woman will meet without the other 2

Well handled, OP. Has the friend who invited her to the group replied?

She can’t come then, simple.

Because she’s a friend of a friend and late add on to the group rather then a good friend who instigated monthly meals out, meet ups should contain the variety originally planned for. She can always tag along for a drink and pudding

OP you said she's had a tough few years and everyone else feels bad for her, what does this mean?

I admit I would cut a lot more slack for someone recently bereaved/traumatised/etc.
If you are the only one objecting to changing plans then you are being the odd one out here really.

@dreamingbohemian Can you please plain how I'm the odd one out for not pandering to someone wanting people to just go to places, these people being completely new friends, unless there is a chicken nuggets and chips meal option available

@dreamingbohemian

OP you said she's had a tough few years and everyone else feels bad for her, what does this mean?

I admit I would cut a lot more slack for someone recently bereaved/traumatised/etc.
If you are the only one objecting to changing plans then you are being the odd one out here really.

The problem is that as soon as you cut "some slack" you've set the precedent and that's a situation that's hard to come back from.

If they accommodate her this time, what about choosing the next restaurant? Or the one after that?

When do you say "no"? We're going out for sushi not to nugget central?

Also the fact the OP is the one speaking out doesn't mean she's the only one to feel this way.

The truth is they've been kind inviting this woman into their social group.

It's up to her to fit into that groups dynamic, not to change it to make it suit her and worse still, use guilt tripping emoj's to make that happen.

It's manipulative and selfish.

As other pp's have said it's akin to joining something like a knitting club and then asking every to do crocheting because you don't like to knit.

And the ED is a red herring. As I posted earlier I'm sympathetic as my DS has food issues but he needs to manage those and has developed strategies for doing so because we didn't enable him. This woman needs to do the same irrespective of whether she has a diagnosed issue or is a picky eater for preference.

I just left a man who was fussy like this he told folk it was allergies which it 100% wasn't and bitched and complained if we went anywhere where food would be slightly different or might contain garlic (yes I should have seen this red flag and run a mile).

I'm now celebrating my culinary freedom. I'm glad you didn't pander to her, it would only have gotten worse as time went on.