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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this a bit annoying at EVERY meal?

339 replies

mockingbirdi · 04/08/2021 18:08

A good friend of mine has invited a new friend into our friendship group. There was originally about 4/5 of us going for lunch or dinner whenever so now there's 5/6. Absolutely fine

Except this friend of hers is nice enough but insists on eating chicken nuggets and chips! At every place we go

She was invited out with us to an Italian on Saturday. She has posted in the grouch at that she won't come as 'There isn't anything on the menu for me 😔'

So now, my friend that was originally her friend before she came into the group is saying we should change where we eat! So no Italian because they don't actually sell chicken nuggets and chips. And no Chinese that we like, or Japanese, as again nothing she wants there

AIBU to think this is ridiculous now?

OP posts:
TheDevils · 04/08/2021 22:49

@ToffeeNotCoffee

I'm a size 10

Thought so.

What is that supposed to mean??
Justilou1 · 04/08/2021 22:51

I’m going to suggest that your friend is a binge drinker and is lining her stomach like a student. Hasn’t she heard of kebabs?

MyrrAgain · 04/08/2021 22:52

Joining a dinner social group when you can't/won't eat anything but 2 options and even then it has to be "the right kind" of chip doesn't really make much sense. Why is she there.

MotionActivatedDog · 04/08/2021 22:55

@TheDevils just ignore the very obvious goady twat.

RightOnTheEdge · 04/08/2021 22:56

I'm just so confused. An adult that eats chicken nuggets. Like WTF. Why? What?

You must be very easily confused. Are you OK?

PhoenixReincarnated · 04/08/2021 22:56

OP YANBU The problem isn't with her limited diet. It's that she's trying to dictate where you all eat.

Has anyone else replied yet?

peboh · 04/08/2021 22:56

I can see both sides. My dd (asd) has a very limited diet, and that means our options for eating out are very small. So when invited somewhere, if there isn't anything on the menu for her, I either feed her beforehand, or we just don't go. I'd never expect anybody to change their plans for us, there will always be other opportunities to all eat together. Just explain to friend that the majority had decided on Italian, so she can meet you after for a couple drinks or she can decide the place next time and just skip this one.

TheDevils · 04/08/2021 22:58

[quote MotionActivatedDog]@TheDevils just ignore the very obvious goady twat.[/quote]
I think that's the best option!

It's pretty sad that some people clearly get their kicks trying to make other people feel like shit! Especially when it's aimed at someone who has explained they have an eating disorder which causes an immense amount of stress.

Original poster
mockingbirdi · 04/08/2021 23:00

@PhoenixReincarnated

OP YANBU The problem isn't with her limited diet. It's that she's trying to dictate where you all eat.

Has anyone else replied yet?

No reply from anyone else yet.

I private messages one friend who's replied to me saying she just feels so bad

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 04/08/2021 23:02

Feels so bad about what? Not capitulating to demands?

Sparklfairy · 04/08/2021 23:02

The only thing worse than a fussy, picky eater, is a fussy, picky eater who tries to make everyone else dance to their own beige tastes.

Absolutely this. My sister is the same. No sensory issues or anything, but she confuses 'doesn't (actively) like' xyz food with 'dislikes' i.e. she will only ever eat her absolute favourite foods and dictates the restaurant because of it.

Honestly seeing her turn her nose up at a menu or restaurant suggestion puts me off my meal anyway. She's pretty selfish overall tbh.

DeRigueurMortis · 04/08/2021 23:07

I'll admit this would drive me potty - the enabling as much as the nuggetry.

People's food issues/preferences/choices are theirs to deal with, not for everyone else to repeatedly accommodate.

It's absolutely unfair (especially as new to the group) to limit where you can all dine.

What does she do if invited to someone's house for food? Ask them to cook nuggets for her?

The fact is in most cases there's always an alternative. Look at the menu online, call up the restaurant etc to see if you can be accommodated in some way. Or worst case eat before hand and just have a drink and dessert and enjoy the company of your friends.

It's actually quite manipulative behaviour imho.

I say this as a mum to a very fussy eater (sensory issues re: texture) but he's had to learn the world doesn't revolve around him.

He's had to learn we won't go to his favourite restaurants every time and when we don't he can choose (as above) to eat before we go or order something that might not be on his favourite list, but acceptable "fuel" that might be made up of a couple of side dishes and/or dessert or similar.

WhatAShilohPitt · 04/08/2021 23:07

I think I’d reply saying part of the enjoyment of eating out is the variety so you don’t want to be limited to places that only serve nuggets. She sounds like a five year old - if her diet is that restricted, fine, but to be selfish enough to expect the whole group to pander to you during every meal out is really poor manners.

WhatAShilohPitt · 04/08/2021 23:08

^ by ‘you’ I mean anyone doing what she has, not you, OP! I’m with you on this.

Futureself · 04/08/2021 23:24

nuggetry GrinGrin

PhoenixReincarnated · 04/08/2021 23:44

You can't all be expected to eat at Harvesters (or equivalent) indefinitely. Don't know what sort of 2 years this woman has had but, due to covid, none of us have had a brilliant time. This is going to sound harsh but I don't think she should be able to use the last 2 years to get her own way all the time.

BorderlineHappy · 04/08/2021 23:45

Just go to the Italian restaurant by yourself @mockingbirdi .
Enjoy the peace and quiet.

Also had someone join our group and tried to change times etc.
She was just told to meet us there later.
Wend down like a lead balloon.
But she never asked again.

ivfbabymomma1 · 04/08/2021 23:46

@CovidDoesNotExistDuh proper fine dining there 😂😂

therocinante · 05/08/2021 00:09

@FrownedUpon

YANBU. I hate adult picky eaters & it’s really unfair when it affects where everyone else can eat. Don’t change where you’re eating.
This seems quite clearly a long way from picky eating though. As someone with sensory issues with food (improving a lot, but much worse when I was younger) I was mortified to be the one poring over the menu to check safe food was on there before I agreed to go anywhere. Having friends who understood is the only thing that stopped me from feeling like a freak of nature (and got me socialising).

Picky eaters might always order the plainest dish or ask for everything removed etc - they don't generally restrict to one meal only. I very much doubt this woman only eats chicken nuggets and chips in every restaurant out of pure pickiness - that's quite an extreme and specific food rule she seems to have which suggests a food related MH condition and as such she's probably very embarrassed (and thankful for friends who are generally accommodating).

OP you don't always have to go where your friend is accommodated but if - as I suspect - there's a bigger issue behind her food restrictions, expect her to be hurt and embarrassed and ashamed.

MyrrAgain · 05/08/2021 00:17

But surely almost everywhere does chips on the menu? Even some Italians! Isn't there something on the menu she can have?

Ask what she can have then... She's set it up so it's possible to ask - then ask her to find an Italian with an option along the lines of her list of foods.

Germolenequeen · 05/08/2021 01:02

@therocinante

Agree 100% 🌼

DeRigueurMortis · 05/08/2021 02:01

*This seems quite clearly a long way from picky eating though. As someone with sensory issues with food (improving a lot, but much worse when I was younger) I was mortified to be the one poring over the menu to check safe food was on there before I agreed to go anywhere. Having friends who understood is the only thing that stopped me from feeling like a freak of nature (and got me socialising).

Picky eaters might always order the plainest dish or ask for everything removed etc - they don't generally restrict to one meal only. I very much doubt this woman only eats chicken nuggets and chips in every restaurant out of pure pickiness - that's quite an extreme and specific food rule she seems to have which suggests a food related MH condition and as such she's probably very embarrassed (and thankful for friends who are generally accommodating).

OP you don't always have to go where your friend is accommodated but if - as I suspect - there's a bigger issue behind her food restrictions, expect her to be hurt and embarrassed and ashamed.*

I disagree that "is clearly"

DeRigueurMortis · 05/08/2021 02:11

Sorry posted in error...

It's not clear at all that this is an eating disorder.

Yes it might be.

Irrespective of that, it's hers to own and manage.

I've deliberately not allowed my DS's food sensory issues deprive everyone else in the family from eating a variety of foods in restaurants.

Enabling him doesn't help.

Of course he's not deliberately being a PITA. But that doesn't mean he gets to dictate what everyone else can eat/enjoy.

He needs to develop coping mechanisms- which he has done - to socialise with people in restaurants that don't necessarily serve his safe foods.

Be that checking menus, calling restaurants to check if they will accommodate certain requests, eating before hand and just having a side dish/pudding or even a drink etc.

The point of the exercise is spending time with friends. You value that or not and if you do, then you don't get to curtail their enjoyment of food to address your lack thereof.

PerciphonePuma · 05/08/2021 02:31

@ShitPoetryClub

We have a little group of 4 who meet up to dine out at least monthly. A while back I suggested inviting someone else along and the other 3 were aghast and said, what we have now works and they didn't want to spoil the dynamic. Fair enough. Now I understand why.
Are you some sort of kids club?!?! 🤣 Come on, you're grown women! What you describe is infantile at best
Justilou1 · 05/08/2021 06:54

Surely the point of going out “with the girls” is choosing somewhere you don’t have to cater for toddlers.