To find this a bit annoying at EVERY meal?

[mockingbirdi]

A good friend of mine has invited a new friend into our friendship group. There was originally about 4/5 of us going for lunch or dinner whenever so now there's 5/6. Absolutely fine

Except this friend of hers is nice enough but insists on eating chicken nuggets and chips! At every place we go

She was invited out with us to an Italian on Saturday. She has posted in the grouch at that she won't come as 'There isn't anything on the menu for me 😔'

So now, my friend that was originally her friend before she came into the group is saying we should change where we eat! So no Italian because they don't actually sell chicken nuggets and chips. And no Chinese that we like, or Japanese, as again nothing she wants there

AIBU to think this is ridiculous now?

I end up with chips/bread

Like a child whining, 'can't I just have chips ?'

If people with ARFID don’t want attention, and behave the way you say you do, then the OP’s acquaintance doesn’t have ARFID. Which means, this thread is not about you in any way.

The fact you’ve made it about you suggests that you might be like that in real life.

[quote Toomanyradishes]@coaltit there are archeological remains of hens from the iron age in britain and evidence they were eaten from roman times onwards, although admittedly in medieval times poor people tended to keep them for eggs rather than eating but chicken was definitely available, although to be fair I was just teasing the person who questioned what medieval people would have eaten[/quote]
What did the Romans ever do for us? A nice plate of panko chicken and celeriac chips.

@ToffeeNotCoffee

I end up with chips/bread

Like a child whining, 'can't I just have chips ?'

Are you unable to read? I've never whined or complained. I bloody love chips and bread! I'm happy with that - it's other people that have an issue with it and draw attention to it. To be honest, because of people like you I don't just order chips and bread anymore. I order and pay for things I don't like and have to pretend to eat.

@TheDevils this post isn’t about you, so stop taking over the thread and jumping on every poster who doesn’t agree with you. It’s not normal for a grown woman to only eat nug nugs, it is toddlerish and a pain in the arse for the rest of the group! She could easily go along have chips, cocktails and deserts but she’s demanding they change the entire evening to suit her love of battered chicken. Despite what you say it’s unreasonable, end of.

@ToffeeNotCoffee

I'll admit this would drive me potty - the enabling as much as the nuggetry.

Chicken or fish or Quorn nuggets ? I don't know which is worse the fussy/picky eating or the enabling. Their infantile eating habits have been enabled all their lives so they've never had to grow up. Modern life has given it a snazzy new name and of course, therapy. They are extra specially special now, you know.

People's food issues/preferences/choices are theirs to deal with, not for everyone else to repeatedly accommodate.

Yeah, tell the picky/fussy/toddler behaviour eater that. Then wait for the inevitable tantrum.

What does she do if invited to someone's house for food? Ask them to cook nuggets for her?

Probably. Complete with pouting face and whining voice.

You can disagree without being nasty and goady. You just sound like your projecting. I've reported your posts.

@TheStoic

If people with ARFID don’t want attention, and behave the way you say you do, then the OP’s acquaintance doesn’t have ARFID. Which means, this thread is not about you in any way.

The fact you’ve made it about you suggests that you might be like that in real life.

I've already said I don't think the OPs friend has ARFID. I was responding to people being nasty about a specific easting disorder.

If you think you know someone through a few anonymous posts on the internet then I can only assume you're not a very nice person in real life.....but that's probably not true because you can't possibly know what someone is like by reading a select few posts on an anonymous forum.

YADNBU.

[quote Winemewhynot]@TheDevils this post isn’t about you, so stop taking over the thread and jumping on every poster who doesn’t agree with you. It’s not normal for a grown woman to only eat nug nugs, it is toddlerish and a pain in the arse for the rest of the group! She could easily go along have chips, cocktails and deserts but she’s demanding they change the entire evening to suit her love of battered chicken. Despite what you say it’s unreasonable, end of.[/quote]
I've agreed that she's unreasonable!!

But people are being nasty and lots of it directed at me personally - which i why I've responded.

@JustCleaningtheBBQ

You can disagree without being nasty and goady. You just sound like your projecting. I've reported your posts.

Yeah, thought you would. Go and tell teacher.

You and all the rest, love.

I think @TheDevils is getting an undeserved hard time. She has said she doesn't expect others to facilitate her and that she will deal with the options available to her. I don't see any reason to disbelieve her. Most people who have a restricted diet, whether through choice or for medical/psychological reasons, don't demand others pander to them. Those who do, tend to be attention seekers and are pains in the arse in other ways too. If they have an eating disorder, it's incidental to a feeling the world revolves around them.

I think it's unfair to be disparaging about those who have restricted diets or who don't enjoy different foods. Personally, I love food and love trying new things but not everyone is the same. One of my dc has absolutely no interest in food other than as fuel. He'll eat anything but won't get any more pleasure out of a Michelin star meal than out of a McDonald's. Doesn't make me a better person or more "adult" than him.

The issue here that I would object to is the nugget & chips eater trying to get others to change the venue. She should either find something on the menu (e.g. Eat at home and have dessert), meet for a drink afterwards or decline. It's reasonable to expect a group to facilitate members within reason so choosing a restaurant the majority like or rotating so it's not always crap for one person (e.g. going to steak houses only when one is a veggie).

@TheDevils - thank you for creating awareness of AFRID. I had never heard of it before. I wish you luck in overcoming it.

Lots of pub type places have chicken goujons or wings as a starter. She could have that and a dessert?

So do a lot of other people but they wouldn't order/eat just that and nothing else.......and still manage to wear dress size 10 clothes.

But i don't just eat chips and bread. We're talking about a restaurant situation where there is nothing else on the menu I can eat or feel comfortable eating. I don't eat in restaurants for every meal and there are some restaurants where I have a little bit of choice. In my day to day life I eat quite healthily as there are quite a few fruit and vegetables on my 'safe' list. I've always been heavily into fitness so really make an effort to eat as well as I can within my restricted diet.

At home I am more likely to try things as it's not an issue if I don't like it or it makes me gag . I'm reluctant to do that in public so I stick to what I know I can eat.

Haven't read the thread but... She didn't ask you to change the restaurant, just said she wouldn't come as it didn't suit her. So don't think either of you are being unreasonable (apart from how much she must miss out on in general due to her diet) as she didn't expect you to change your plans for her.

@OchonAgusOchonOh

I think *@TheDevils* is getting an undeserved hard time. She has said she doesn't expect others to facilitate her and that she will deal with the options available to her. I don't see any reason to disbelieve her. Most people who have a restricted diet, whether through choice or for medical/psychological reasons, don't demand others pander to them. Those who do, tend to be attention seekers and are pains in the arse in other ways too. If they have an eating disorder, it's incidental to a feeling the world revolves around them.

I think it's unfair to be disparaging about those who have restricted diets or who don't enjoy different foods. Personally, I love food and love trying new things but not everyone is the same. One of my dc has absolutely no interest in food other than as fuel. He'll eat anything but won't get any more pleasure out of a Michelin star meal than out of a McDonald's. Doesn't make me a better person or more "adult" than him.

The issue here that I would object to is the nugget & chips eater trying to get others to change the venue. She should either find something on the menu (e.g. Eat at home and have dessert), meet for a drink afterwards or decline. It's reasonable to expect a group to facilitate members within reason so choosing a restaurant the majority like or rotating so it's not always crap for one person (e.g. going to steak houses only when one is a veggie).

@TheDevils - thank you for creating awareness of AFRID. I had never heard of it before. I wish you luck in overcoming it.

Thank you.

Bloody hell, @ToffeeNotCoffee, who shat on your chicken nuggets? Why on earth you are taking @TheDevils posts so personally I don't know. You seem so angry about something that has no effect on you whatsoever. Channel your inner Elsa and let it the fuck go.

@Doingtheboxerbeat

Is this possible that this is financial? There is a massive difference between restaurant prices and the 241 meals you get at pub grub type places. You can literally get 2 meals like chicken nuggets and chips / lasagne and chips for £6 in a lot of city centre pubs where I live 🤔.

She doesn't have to join a dining out group then does she? DH and I forgo restaurant trips when we're skint.

@TheDevils Try to ignore the personal attack, if you can. People have asked you questions and you've answered them . That's not you trying to me-rail. As you say, some phobias are indulged. I'm phobic of the dentist and the vast majority of people are sympathetic. Wishing you well with your therapy.

People have asked you questions and you've answered them

People are replying to the OP or talking about the woman in the OP and TheDevils is taking it personally and responding. That's the me-railing, not the posts answering asking questions directed to TheDevils.

Adult picky eaters (medical conditions not included) are infuriating. Surely she can eat plain pasta or plain rice if there's no chicken nuggets on the menu?

Can't she get chicken and chips (or saute potatoes which are like chip cubes) at an Italian?

Theres a heck of a lot of intolerant arseholes on this thread.

I've already said ARFID and other random ED's are not a reason to make other peoples lives awkward but of course someone could have those issues AND also be an arsehole...

But some of you are REALLY showing your ignorance here..

I can eat KFC popcorn chicken, at a push.

It is nothing LIKE a chicken wing or chicken breast, those have a totally different texture, one has bones in it (euuuuuuuuuuuuugh boak), there's a much higher risk of coming across Something Nasty in it (lumpy bit, bouncy bit, whatever)...

Why would pasta be an acceptable alternative to chips? The texture is totally different, the size and shape are different, the flavour is different. The fact that you lump both pasta and chips into the category 'beige carbs' does not actually mean they are the same to a person with an ED or sensory issue.

I really don't think any adult (hell, any kid either for that matter) is picky/fussy/has ARFID/sensory issues to piss other people off - its often very stressful and upsetting.

Imagine being so hungry but you CAN'T eat anything on offer.
Imagine being worried that someones going to helpfully try and push you into trying something.
Imagine running the risk of someone else with you ordering something that the sight or smell of makes you retch so hard you piss yourself or actually vomit.

I can usually find something on the menu at most high street places, even if that means ordering two starters rather than a main, but I have been in all three scenarios above - I can assure you it isn't fun!

[quote JohnLemmon]@TheDevils Try to ignore the personal attack, if you can. People have asked you questions and you've answered them . That's not you trying to me-rail. As you say, some phobias are indulged. I'm phobic of the dentist and the vast majority of people are sympathetic. Wishing you well with your therapy.[/quote]
Thank you

The selective eater friend finally replied this morning with 'Ill just sit out this time, dw ☹️'

I said that's a shame, we look forward to seeing you next time!