Aibu to Feel judged about size of son!

[Angliski]

Ftm here. Conceived after five years of struggle, my gorgeous dS is 18 months old. Thing is he is very tall and strong. Off the charts of red book. He looks about 3- weighs 17kg nearly 90cm tall. He’s not fat, he has a six pack almost and likes lifting bricks. He has all his teeth and is just a big and advanced boy for his age.

Thing is, he was conceived by egg and sperm donation so he isn’t genetically linked to either of us. People always comment on how astonishingly big he is for a 1.5yr old, then they ask if DH is/was big. Don’t know how to reply to this. Will never know what his donors looked like as kids.

I feel so ashamed because I couldn’t use our own genetic material and I don’t know how to answer.

We are in Italy atm and today someone walked past and said he was ‘brutto’ which means ugly.he is actually a very handsome child who looks like a surfer but he is a weirdly big toddler. I was so upset. Also I am fat and very ashamed of it and think people think he is fat like me and/or doesn’t look like me ( he isn’t my colouring).

Aibu to get upset? Any advice?

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

Brutto used on a boy that looks like yours means ‘hard’ or ‘tough’. It’s definitely considered a compliment in many parts of Italy. Italians use insults in affectionate ways for kids - similar to the Middle East and Asia

Was just coming on to say the same. It's a compliment! It's usually meant in a jokey, affectionate way too.

I was just gonna say the same, it’s affectionate. Like “you bruiser”. Your boy sounds lovely.

[quote Angliski]@ThorsLeftNut I feel like when I lift normal children I might accidentally catapult them into space because I am so used to ‘bend at the knees and lift for life’ when I go to get him off the floor! You’ve got 50% extra free right, in terms of weight! Most of his friends are 10-12kg I’d say.

Do you find you get strains in elbow and wrist? I tend to clasp both hands under his bum and hold him more centrally and my elbow joint always kills.[/quote]
I’ve got awful issues with my left wrist now!! I can’t help but think if he wasn’t such a little unit, maybe it would hurt my joints as much 😂

No probs, even though I've had a heavy toddler before with DS, I still have moments of worry with DD being so chunky, no one like to hear anything negative about their child.

I should say robust rather than chunky !

Hi, my son is now 14 years old and sends t 6 ft 8 inches. He has always been the big lad and in many class photos over the years he continues to tower over both pupils and staff.

I understand when you talk about commenting as we live this too. When he ws a toddler I had strangers comment on him being too old for his blanket, to be holding my hand, it was ridiculous!

What I say now when people ask about his height might actually suit your situation as me nor his daddy are as tall as him..... I say, "he doesn't get the height from me or his daddy so it must be in the gene pool somewhere".

I used to be so sensitive to strangers commenting and got very defensive over time but years on we have gotten used to it and now have we game of own as to who will be the 1t in the room to come up and ask what his actual height is and does he play basketball.

Enjoy your journey mothering a big boy x x x

@SammyJoee thank you for sharing. Today has been tough because he is really into biting us at the moment….
And no amount of no, or ignoring, or stop it, or time out seems to stop him. He thinks it’s a game. He so strong and sinks his teeth in and I’m covered in bruises and quite exasperated! I’ve also just had a failed transfer for a second child so quite down and I do feel intimidated and exhausted by his size, he wants to be carried a lot at the mo and when he tantrums its really difficult to hold him safely… any advice from when your ds was this age? He’s nearly 20 months now :)

@smileandsmilessooooo the lugging is doing me in atm!! I sort of sigh and smile at the same time when he’s had enough of gallivanting and the arms come up for a lift!

Brutto a jokey compliment. It would be like someone in England saying'hes a right bruiser isnt he?'

@Angliski I know I do the brace, heave up the old pelvic floor and grit my teeth to lift !!! It's exhausting. I took both my DC to a soft play today so lots of lifting and chasing.

Sorry to hear about your failed transfer. I hope in time you get another chance. Don't feel pressured to have a small age gap, I have a much larger age gap between my children than I hoped and it hasn't been a problem at all. Actually been quite easy due to a level of independence ( when my oldest is feeling compliant.) Infact in my oldest child's class at school there are many baby siblings so 5 year age gaps. Look after yourself

@Member869894 it’s been useful to learn that, thank you

@smileandsmilesooooooo cheerfully on the upside, when I lift my c section flob, I discover that my stomach is probably stronger and flatter than it’s ever been as a result of my kettle bell style workout of hefting the little unit here and there!

I do see that there are some real advantages to a bigger gap. A factor for us is age, both mine and dh

@Angliski 😂😂😂😂 keep your chin up.

I'm just pondering what size clothes to buy Miss giant DD for autumn, age tops /dresses 2-3 are looking short and tight, but age 3-4 tops would be crazy surely? It's such a jump up between sizes. I think age 2-3 leggings will still be fine, I find she is long in the body. I struggled with DS for clothes at this age with him being tall and solid too, but tended to get cuffed joggers so the bigger sizes wouldn't cover his feet. What clothes size will you buy? .. In September DD will be 20 months

Yup we are on 2-3 tops and occasionally 3-4 trousers!! He has stalled I think, I haven’t had to buy any more in the last four months, though his head sometimes has to squeeze through. If she can wear them comfortably, I’d get the size up and let her grow into them :) eventually they will slow down for a bit I hope. He literally looks like a bodybuilder according to the waiters here and especially in his rash suit ( size 3yrs) at the beach! Beeeffcakkkkeeeee!

@smileandsmileooooooo that was for you ^

Agree that joggers good. Baby grows with feet look ridiculous and his toes work their way through. Plus we have a lot of tiles and wood floors and they would be sloppy I think. @smileandsmilesooooooo

@AngelsWithSilverWings*@hiredandsqueak@BrumCahoots I'mjust rereding this thread and very much reassured by your stories, thank you. @TheYearOfSmallThings* he is exactly this - just more muscular and much more active than most of his peers.

UPDATE we got a referral to a paediatrician. He agreed, as we already know, that head circumference, height and weight are all over 99 for his age. No Beckmann etc - he doesnthave any of those symptoms. What they did say is that his bits are much bigger than one would expect in a toddler and this could be indicative of something. So we are waiting to hear what endocrine tests might be helpful.

@Lokdok actually he does lift bricks. Last week he picked up 2x 2kg dumbbells and went for a little walk with them ( with shoes on before everyone hits the roof).

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba*@MadameOvary81@vbree @GoAwayCat* how are yours all shaping up now? He's nearly 2 and now 94cm, shoe size 9 ish.

@Foldinthecheese thank you for sharing - it's so helpful to know where they end up and he's my first so no reference point.

@vivainsomnia@Onthebrink87 thanks or this advice - i'm just rereading. Now he walks and runs and does hold hands, but also throws massive tantrums - he is so strong that i ve really needed to work on quick deescalation, reading him well, because when he goes, sheesh does he go! tantrums can last 40 minutes and are quite daunting. He is a gentle giant like yours too. thanks again for sharing.

@Bostonbullsmumma@theresapossuminthekitchen@skybroke welcome suggestions for good days out with a constantly jumping, running, cavorting toddler. We go to the woods, the beach, soft play, what else do yours love? I'm looking for the 'so knackered i put myself back in my pram' vibe for pre-nap activity!

@Angliski he’s gorgeous 💙! My son was/is a big lad also (not quite as broad as yours but tall, wiry and extremely strong). I learned to recognise when he was about to tantrum and then used to physically get myself behind him and ‘hug’ him firmly from behind so that he wasn’t able to hit or kick or bite me, then just let him go for it until he ran out of steam. He was well-capable of pushing me off my feet by the age of 2 so it was all damage-limitation really!

My ds2 was much like your little boy. Off the charts for height and weight as a toddler. He’s now a strapping 12 year old, nearly as tall as me (I’m 5’8), size 8 in shoes and still a bit chunky. His dad has the broadest shoulders I’ve ever seen and a large chest so I think he might take after him

Height wise I'm not sure actually. He's 17 months and was 80cm at 13 month check but haven't checked since. Size 5 shoe. In 18-24 month trousers and 2-3 year tops. He's definitely slimmed down now but still tall and big for his age.

[quote Angliski]**@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba@MadameOvary81@vbree @GoAwayCat how are yours all shaping up now? He's nearly 2 and now 94cm, shoe size 9 ish.[/quote]
@Angliski

not sure what you mean.
mine is 18, which is what I wrote in August.
nothing changed since. he's still 18, still 6' 8"

@vodkaredbullgirl

I lost it at 6 pack too and lifting bricks.

Me too 😃

Maybe just get him weighed and measured by someone objective make sure he really is in healthy parameters.

Congrats on your baby