To question whether I should pay half these costs?

[TheGodofSmallThings]

We are having some work done on our house - kitchen and repairs to our roof, which will come to between £20k and £25k in total.

We both earn the same income, but DH owns a two thirds share of the house as he used an inheritance for the deposit (this was before we got married). As an aside, I am perfectly happy in the marriage, and have no intention of going anywhere (we’ve been together 22 years), but I feel increasingly uncomfortable with the tenants in common arrangement as we get older (mainly as I’ve seen family assets sucked up in care costs and the financial impact on the surviving partner when those assets were not divided equally). Given his majority share in the house, and the fact that DH has far more in savings than I do by a factor of around 20, AIBU for saying that I should only contribute a third of the costs? Or should I pay an equal amount, given that I live there? I do have the money, but it would be the entirety of my savings (and DH wants to do more work on the house next year).

Happy to be told I’m being selfish; it would at least stop us having to have a difficult conversation.

I do hope you can get good legal advice, and would be having a serious talk with him. As he has so much in savings, clearly kept very separate from yours, morally he should of course be paying most if not all of any improvements. Not sure I could be in a relationship with someone like him, what a peculiar way to be with your loved on of 22 years.

Only read the first few pages of this thread but when my partner and I bought our home 12yrs ago he paid a £50k deposit. The house was 50/50 in both names but we had our solicitor write an agreement whereby if we split he got his deposit back. When we married two years later the agreement became void. He paid the bulk of the mortgage as he earned much more than me but never did he consider the house to be more his.

9 years later my husband became terminally ill and our critical illness cover paid off the remaining mortgage. I was widowed last year so now have the value of the house and almost the same again in life insurance/pension payouts (would trade it all to have my husband back). I feel really conflicted though because if I did ever marry again I’d absolutely want to protect what I have now as much for our young child than anything else.

Some posters have acknowledged that this thread is about a couple who do not have DC, so no-one has sacrificed earnings and earning potential for children.

This is a very different scenario to the usual cases of unfair finances where one, usually the woman's earnings are significantly impacted by everything around children: finances are stretched and fairness dictates that the available funds are shared as family money

Furthermore, no one is picking up on the information that he is a few years away from retirement and thirteen years older than OP, who has potentially thirteen more years in which to earn.

Anyone suggesting paying off the mortgage early is always a good use of liquid funds are misinformed. There is not sufficient information in this thread to determine the best use of the funds.

We also do not know the DH's attitude to the decisions which they have taken and the impact these will have in different scenarios. We expect that he is clued up and content with the status quo.

Whose CNN idea was it to get married ? Is his estate beyond the threshold for IHT.

In OP's position, I should do some real research to find out the answer to her concerns around care in old age etc. and even get their understanding confirmed by a lawyer an/or financial advisor. I suggest both because just doing research risks getting it wrong and just talking to an advisor can get expensive if you start from understanding nothing. Your bills will be a lot lower if you only need confirmation. Of key facts and pointers on what else to check out.

Armed with proper advice on the situation in a number of scenarios including the death or incapacity of one of other partner as well as divorce, I would have an informed discussion with DH about the current situation and the way forward together. Lots of couples tend to rely on one partner or the other to deal with finances. It's much better for you both to be informed and then come to an agreement together as informed equals.

While you are at it, Make sure you have everything in place, up to date wills, POA, contact details for bank, house snd financial administration and all the people who would need to be informed. Does his pension provide for a widow or dependents pension? Life insurance.

You have agency here, @TheGodofSmallThings Use it.

Surely he can only ring fence his deposit if you pay half each the mortgage.