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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the teenage years are going to be hard?

153 replies

Pinkwithwhite · 03/08/2021 19:44

We have 2 children, I want 3 at least but reading another thread and someone made a comment about how easy the baby/toddler stage is compared to the teenage years.
I've never thought about having 3 teenagers!
Please what is it like? How hard is it? No one has never said anything about the teenage years, and when I think what we were like as teens I think how on earth will we cope?!

OP posts:
DeathStare · 03/08/2021 19:47

I have 3 teenagers. One is much harder work than the others; one is really easy - but both those things have always been true. Each stage is hard in different ways. Comparing the baby stage and teenage years is like comparing apples and oranges.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/08/2021 19:50

My children were brilliant as teens and I thoroughly enjoyed those years. It was so fun to watch them mature into adults.

DramaAlpaca · 03/08/2021 19:52

I found the teenage years with my three sons much easier than when they were babies and toddlers.

Amboseli · 03/08/2021 19:55

I much prefer the teenage years

LimeRedBanana · 03/08/2021 19:57

We are on the brink of this - DC1 turns 13 in Jan and DC2 isn’t far behind.

I am very cognisant that change is coming. But also hopeful that they will continue to be, for the most part, the nice humans that they are.

I don’t think it’s necessarily inevitable that teenagers are awful. But there is a lot to navigate with them, and a lot of it is different compared with when we (or at least, I) were teenagers. Friendships, romances, social media, increased independence, moving away from the family unit being their most important thing. Not always knowing where they are. The risk-taking and lack of maturity, etc, etc.

LysistrataVickers · 03/08/2021 19:58

I hope to god the teenage years are better than age 3-5 I'm going through that stage for the second time with DC2 and it's driving me insane.

Quite liking age 7-8 which is DC1. Although he does still talk a lot of nonsense and thinks he knows everything. At least he still likes a cuddle!

Lotsachocolateplease · 03/08/2021 19:58

Different to pp experiences - the teenage years are so mixed, yes they can be good fun, great company, and generally lovely people
However you have to remember that they are just like overgrown toddlers at times, they have opinions different to yours that of course you’ll never understand because you have never been a teenager yourself, they slam doors, sulk, and cannot do any household chores without mumbling under their breath about how unfair it is.
They are all different and one person’s experience will be different to another’s.
I have had good times and bad and still going through it but honestly In my opinion I’ve found the teenage years so much harder than any other age group.

newnortherner111 · 03/08/2021 19:59

I would suggest that time invested now in standards of behaviour and boundaries may pay off later.

TerribleZebra · 03/08/2021 19:59

My two teens are lovely and much easier than when they were babies. I love seeing how independent they are becoming. They have their moments but on the whole they are a pleasure to be around.

MareofBeasttown · 03/08/2021 20:00

The teen years nearly killed me wt DD who was a rebel. Still not over it!

AllTheSingleLadiess · 03/08/2021 20:01

It depends what your kids are like.
#1 was super hard, #2 is very easy and #3 is easier than average so far but he's only 15 so has time to "turn"

Aquamarine1029 · 03/08/2021 20:02

@newnortherner111

I would suggest that time invested now in standards of behaviour and boundaries may pay off later.
This is 100% true.
QualityMarguerite · 03/08/2021 20:03

Teens are wonderful.
Not necessarily anything like you thought they would be. Avoid conflict, find the fun and share the love. That gets through most things. The just preteen was worse here. The drama and aggression and moods. Ugh. Way less fun than teens when it’s not naughtiness that’s the big worry it’s sadness.

DowntonCrabby · 03/08/2021 20:05

Current teen DD17 is a dream but I can see my youngest at 8 is going to be more spirited

Mumski45 · 03/08/2021 20:05

What @newnortherner111 said is absolutely true. The early years were tough but consistency and strict but fair boundaries for the important things pay off in the long term.

sydenhamhiller · 03/08/2021 20:08

I have 3 DC, 17, 15 and 9. I LOVE the teenage years. I am - looking back - not a natural baby and toddler person. I find it (drops voice and looks around as you are not allowed to say this IRL) quite dull and yet very hard work at the same time.

My teens are funny, irreverent, sharp, and pull me and their dad up on anything and everything, frustrating and aggravating - I really enjoy this age.

I have pangs of missing how they ‘needed’ you when they were little, but remind myself that there is a season for everything, nothing lasts forever, and this stage is also one to be cherished.

(I am slightly laughing at myself typing this - I don’t find many occasions to cherish the 17 year old at the moment… but it makes those rare moments all the more precious, honest!)

Rhubarbcrumblerules · 03/08/2021 20:10

Its different - the worry is greater with teenagers, especially when they start going out socializing where alcohol might be involved, or they want to stop out all night, or they don't tell you what there plans are, their phone has died and they don't come home from a nightclub and you spend all night awake, worrying and frantically texting/calling a dead phone in the vein hope it will as if by magic recharged itself.

Neolara · 03/08/2021 20:13

My teens are brilliant. They were all complete nightmares when they were babies - they all vomited profusely and none of them slept.

Phoebesgift · 03/08/2021 20:16

Mine are young teens, 14 and 13. They are loads easier than they were during the toddler years. I really enjoy talking to them.

brittleheadgirl · 03/08/2021 20:17

I'm coming to the end of the teen years.
Have one of each and it's been a bloody breeze compared to their younger years!

LemonRoses · 03/08/2021 20:19

I loved the teenager years.

brittleheadgirl · 03/08/2021 20:19

Fwiw the friends I see struggling to parent their teens, seem to be the ones who seemingly have totally forgotten what it's like to be a teen.
They have really unrealistic, ridiculous expectations and family life looks like a constant battle to an outsider!!

Kite22 · 03/08/2021 20:29

What Deathstare said in the first post.

I had 3 as teens together. An absolute doddle compared to having 3 who were 5 and under or three between 5 and 10.

As adults, we are different in the things we enjoy, and babies are different in the amount the sleep / don't sleep , tantrum / don't tantrum, whinge / don't whinge, cling to you / socialise, sit calmly and play / run riot and cause havoc. Well, teens are the same - some are harder work than others. Some of us as parents respond better to typical teen behaviours than others.

Me? I loved the teen years. Almost as much as I love the young adult years. I wouldn't go back to the baby years for all the tea in china. Each stage was easier / better than the previous one IME.

Cattitudes · 03/08/2021 20:30

Much prefer the teenage years. I think that the key is to let them, almost encourage them to grow up and be independent. Expecting them to still enjoy the same things they did when they were 7 or respect your views just because you are a parent won't work. Be there as a constant, supportive presence but help them tackle issues themselves.

Only thing you might consider in England is the timing. A two year age gap means one is doing A levels while the next is doing GCSEs. Three year age gaps would avoid that clash.

lljkk · 03/08/2021 20:37

I enjoy my teens (3 at moment).

Mine are ... doing well financially, all in employment, one is on a very competitive uni course. And I can enjoy all of them. But this must have all happened by magic since I was very often told I set the wrong standards & boundaries.