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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the teenage years are going to be hard?

153 replies

Pinkwithwhite · 03/08/2021 19:44

We have 2 children, I want 3 at least but reading another thread and someone made a comment about how easy the baby/toddler stage is compared to the teenage years.
I've never thought about having 3 teenagers!
Please what is it like? How hard is it? No one has never said anything about the teenage years, and when I think what we were like as teens I think how on earth will we cope?!

OP posts:
justasking111 · 03/08/2021 23:00

@Aquamarine1029

My children were brilliant as teens and I thoroughly enjoyed those years. It was so fun to watch them mature into adults.
Same here. They did bang heads with their father more though
GinJeanie · 03/08/2021 23:01

So far... a lot easier! 😊

lilyfire · 03/08/2021 23:01

I have just got back from holiday with my 3 teens and actually feel like I had a chance to relax. They were good company and we could do activities I genuinely enjoyed together. We even had civilised meals out. They were so cute as toddlers but I remember feeling pretty shell shocked at the end of a holiday and just grateful we’d all survived.

FunnysInLaJardin · 03/08/2021 23:03

I have a nearly 16 yo DS1 and a nearly 12 yo DSs. They are both a delight. Miles easier than as toddlers!

I was dreading the teens, but DS1 is just so chilled out and fab. The best teen ever!

GinJeanie · 03/08/2021 23:04

@newnortherner111

I would suggest that time invested now in standards of behaviour and boundaries may pay off later.
This!
FunnysInLaJardin · 03/08/2021 23:05

@MyOtherProfile

Two teens here and so far it's been my favourite stage. From what I can see, the more heavy handed and authoritarian parents are, the tougher the teens. We have worked hard to build a good relationship with ours, they seem to be pretty nice people.
Yes, this! Let them get on with it, and don't micro manage, at all!
Comedycook · 03/08/2021 23:05

Teenage years so far are so bloody tough and he's only 13...no one warns you about this. Everyone talks about what it's like to have a baby but the teen years last so much longer. Honestly it's awful

MsTSwift · 03/08/2021 23:07

You need to build the groundwork when they are little. Firm but fair take absolutely no shit and do not ever let them speak to you disrespectfully. Anecdotally the parents who were quite wet and let their kids talk back to them when young are now having a hellish time with their teens. Us “stricter” parents are not. I can’t believe this is a coincidence…

nokidshere · 03/08/2021 23:17

Mine are 19 & 22 now. I've loved the teenage years and both have been pretty laid back and easy, still are.

Sparklingbrook · 03/08/2021 23:24

I have had two teenagers. DC2 has another few months then I have no teenagers.
I am so glad there’s not a third TBH. Doing all the teen things twice (driving practice anyone) is plenty for me.
Didn’t particularly enjoy all the school shenanigans or the initial worry when DC1 started Uni.
They both played football for 2 teams and that was a never ending round of driving all weekend. In fact there was a lot of driving full stop.
I like where I’m at now though almost out the other side.

TheRealKateAdie · 03/08/2021 23:26

I vastly prefer the teen years with my two (and they are both tricky characters in different ways!).

It has its difficulties, no doubt. I worry about them a lot as they become more independent (although try not to show it!) and it can be emotionally hard not being able to protect them from the harshness of life like you can when they’re little. Then there is the obvious teen shit to deal with - hormones, sense of entitlement, pushing boundaries etc.

Having said all that, it is SO much less exhausting than when they were small. I found the relentless physical work and sheer monotony of parenting little ones - the nappies and buggies and sleep deprivation and carrying and wiping arses and endlessly sitting in parks or softplay trying not to go insane etc - so tiring! Grin

I love the fact my teens can help out with stuff around the house, pop to the shops, make themselves useful! And we can have genuinely interesting conversations, watch good films together, have a civilised meal in a restaurant. They’re mostly better company, less work. Mostly Wink.

DeflatedGinDrinker · 03/08/2021 23:28

My teens are well easy. Boys though so are chilled.

MuseumGardens · 03/08/2021 23:31

I've got 2 dds 17 and 14. I find them far easier than I found them when they were little. They are quite chilled and funny, so nice company

Sparklingbrook · 03/08/2021 23:32

I don’t think allteen boys are chilled TBH. I had one that was so chilled it frustrated me and one that was so not chilled it was a worry.

cakeallday · 03/08/2021 23:48

All depends on personalities (three teens here of varying challenge).

But I'd say the mental battles of parenting teens is a lot more stressful and tiring than the physical tiredness of looking after babies and toddlers.

On the other hand...it's more funny and entertaining Grin never a dull moment!

Firstwelive · 04/08/2021 00:20

Can I ask how teenage years 11-15 compare to age 6-10? What boundaries are important to invest in?

TheRealKateAdie · 04/08/2021 00:43

@Firstwelive

Can I ask how teenage years 11-15 compare to age 6-10? What boundaries are important to invest in?
I think it massively depends on the child.

DD was an angel from 6-10, then hormones kicked in and she became a bit more tricky (although I still don’t find her too challenging as a teen).

DS was a high energy little terror aged 6-10, and went through a rocky stage at about 13, but at 16 he is chilled out, laid back and lovely.

Wowwellokthen · 04/08/2021 00:55

Teen Ds is lazy and obsessed with Xbox/screens but can be good company when in the mood. Needs constant help/encouragement to do schoolwork

Teen dd never comes out of the bedroom...obsessed with the dark side of TikTok......doesn't do any schoolwork....won't do anything on holidays....won't wash or get dressed....Bedroom is a complete pit....A constant source of worry for me.

They were difficult as babies but generally good fun between the ages of 4-10yrs.

I have no idea how they will turn out in the end.

CJsGoldfish · 04/08/2021 00:57

Last of the teen years for me with no. 4. (15)
Had one that was a little more challenging than the others but, for the most part, have loved it. I have great kids who I adore as people.

I would suggest that time invested now in standards of behaviour and boundaries may pay off later
Agree with this.

CJsGoldfish · 04/08/2021 00:59

Personally, I'd avoid the teenager board where you will be told teenagers NEED to drink and NEED to disrespect you and NEED to go out when they want because that's what teenagers do.

It's not true and it will only stress you out more.

MuseumGardens · 04/08/2021 01:05

@Firstwelive

Can I ask how teenage years 11-15 compare to age 6-10? What boundaries are important to invest in?
I've found 6-15 fine. The baby and toddler years on the other hand...Shock Re boundaries, mainly thinking of others and not being anti social for us. Thinking of how their actions impact others and make them feel. I think also if you treat them with kindness and empathy rather than harshness when they are little they give that back as they grow older.
Maggiesfarm · 04/08/2021 03:02

I enjoyed mine as teenagers, it was great fun. We were very relaxed parents. It was the best time really though obviously when they are small, it's gorgeous too.

You'll cope but only have another one if both of you are on board, you can afford it, have the room etc. Whatever anyone says, such things are important, also your health.

I had ideas about having three but when I had two, that was enough; I also have a nephew who used to stay with us a lot and most of holidays so it was like having three, he is a smashing chap (35 now).Being two and five years older than my girls he'd sometimes chaperone them to gigs and the like.

Best of luck whatever you do.

gobackanddoitproperly · 04/08/2021 03:23

It’s infuriating, sad, and glorious.

For clarification , sad when they are sad.

Frenchfancy · 04/08/2021 06:22

@gobackanddoitproperly

It’s infuriating, sad, and glorious.

For clarification , sad when they are sad.

This is a good way of putting it. I would never swap a teenager for a toddler though.

Important things to work on while they are younger, manners, empathy and communication. Get in the habit of having daily conversations (ours are round the dinner table) and it will be less of a battle later.

Cattitudes · 04/08/2021 06:29

@Firstwelive

Can I ask how teenage years 11-15 compare to age 6-10? What boundaries are important to invest in?
At that age, I would still invest in zero tolerance for any really antisocial behaviour- hitting, being rude (although this will come in teenage years best if they start off ok). I would though turn my attention to discussing friendships, nice friends, bossy friends, unpleasant friends. Dynamics with other people in the class not necessarily involving them. Help them develop the confidence to make new friends while maintaining old ones. Help them to stand up for what they believe is right even if their friends disagree. Help them to manage any less healthy friendships. There is a huge juggle around when they go to secondary school and you want to hope that the friends they settle on at 11/12 will be a good peer group because their friends will be much more interesting and influential than you are.