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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the teenage years are going to be hard?

153 replies

Pinkwithwhite · 03/08/2021 19:44

We have 2 children, I want 3 at least but reading another thread and someone made a comment about how easy the baby/toddler stage is compared to the teenage years.
I've never thought about having 3 teenagers!
Please what is it like? How hard is it? No one has never said anything about the teenage years, and when I think what we were like as teens I think how on earth will we cope?!

OP posts:
Robin233 · 03/08/2021 20:49

It seems pretty conclusive then.
Teens are fun.
I really struggled with the baby stage but loved the teens.
Like pp said earlier you've got pick your battles.
They are not children so need freedom , but with freedom comes responsibility ( make your own bed ).

lazylinguist · 03/08/2021 20:53

I only have 2. They're 13 and 16 and they are pretty easy tbh. But so was I as a teen.

MareofBeasttown · 03/08/2021 20:54

@lljkk

I enjoy my teens (3 at moment).

Mine are ... doing well financially, all in employment, one is on a very competitive uni course. And I can enjoy all of them. But this must have all happened by magic since I was very often told I set the wrong standards & boundaries.

I am so envious.🙂.
LimeRedBanana · 03/08/2021 20:56

This thread is making me feel a lot less concerned about what’s over the horizon.

I would suggest that time invested now in standards of behaviour and boundaries may pay off later.

This is especially reassuring.

Thanks for starting the thread, OP!

Darbs76 · 03/08/2021 20:57

My DC’s are 27, 17 & 13. Oldest two boys. The boys have been great, I’m not lying when I say DS2 hasn’t given me a days trouble in his life. He’s incredibly bright, great at sports, polite, kind and a really lovely kid. DS1 wasn’t a bad kid at all but went through some emotional stuff with his sexuality. So nothing naughty / illegal but hard emotionally. DD isn’t a bad kid at all, but she’s very insular and I worry about her the most. The boys have always wanted to be in my company, she loves her room. Covid was no problem for her being in her room 24.7 anyway! But I’ve had it easy I know, I’m in some parenting groups and they’d definitely put you off. I’m glad I had a big gap between 1&2

Brackenandbramble · 03/08/2021 20:58

So far the teen years are a dream compared to having a baby and a toddler. (I miss the spontaneous cuddles and reading in bed with little ones though!)

blahblahblah321 · 03/08/2021 21:00

I have two sons - one about to turn 18 and the other 12.

Up until 17 I found DS1 really easy, no dramas etc. Last year has been harder, he's generally still pretty good, but we've had a couple of difficult moments and it's so much harder now he's of an age that I don't feel I have much of a say. We do talk, he knows my opinions on things, knows he can talk to me, but I can't tell him what to do

romany4 · 03/08/2021 21:00

DS1 was awful. Mouthy, bad tempered all the time, would swear at us constantly, would disappear off and never tell us where he was. If we grounded him, he just didn't come home...awful from 14 -17 when he left home! I should say that he's now 27 and absolutely lovely...those years really hurt me though and took me a while to forgive him..
DS2.polar opposite. Gentle, placid and very affectionate. Never had a day's bother with him...
Every child is different. I was an awful teen. My brother was very quiet and no trouble at all

MareofBeasttown · 03/08/2021 21:03

@LimeRedBanana

This thread is making me feel a lot less concerned about what’s over the horizon.

I would suggest that time invested now in standards of behaviour and boundaries may pay off later.

This is especially reassuring.

Thanks for starting the thread, OP!

I am not sure this is right. Because I had the same boundaries for both and one turned out no trouble at all, the other gave me gray hair overnight. I think it's luck.
TwoAndAnOnion · 03/08/2021 21:04

I had two who were no problem, and one who pushed every boundary going

TeeBee · 03/08/2021 21:10

I think it really depends on what you find stressful and what children you have. I found the early years beautiful but really tough. Absolutely bugger all sleep, constant drudgery, and a useless husband. I now have two teenage boys who are good boys on the whole. There has been the odd thing that I've had to kick their arses about but they've found their way. I've found I can give them both a lot of freedom and they don't get in a big mess and are trustworthy and decent people. They have great friends and I usually have a houseful of them. I'm enjoying the teenage years but they are zooming past way too quickly.

MrsMop1964 · 03/08/2021 21:22

take a look at the teenagers board
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers

SpeedRunParent · 03/08/2021 21:35

@newnortherner111

I would suggest that time invested now in standards of behaviour and boundaries may pay off later.
This, absolutely this. I have 3 teens and although they all have very different personalities - some more fiery than others - the work you do establishing good boundaries and establishing calm lines of communication and negotiation early on will pay dividends in the teen years.
Babyroobs · 03/08/2021 21:39

I have 3 teenagers and one who has just come out of the teenage years. None of them have been bad in regards to wild behavior or drugs or anything. My ds causes me a lot of stress in that he struggles to get up on time for any job so I am always worried he is going to miss important deadlines etc, Ds2 likes to party a lot but has never caused us any worry, the only thing I worry about with ds3 is that he is very quiet and introverted and passive with it so needs a lot of pushing ( has been better since he has been with his gf ). DD aged 16 is probably the hardest work in terms of moodiness and me and her clashing a bit but she is hardworking and never caused us any problems yet !!

Original poster
Pinkwithwhite · 03/08/2021 22:13

I'm wondering if it's a case of the harder you thought the baby/toddler stage was the easier you've found the teenage stage?
If that is the case then I'm stuffed! I absolutely love the baby/toddler stage.
I'm so good with this age but teens...
I guess from what I see in the media its how young people have it so hard, drugs, self harming, hormones, letting them go, giving them freedom, knowing of the will make good choices.
Wow I'm over thinking it aren't I! 😩

OP posts:
backtonormalonedaysoon · 03/08/2021 22:19

This thread is making me laugh! Think it depends largely on their personalities, it reminds me of when parents of little ones that are great sleepers/eaters who are all smug until no2 comes along who's totally different

ZiggZagg · 03/08/2021 22:26

My teenage DD 15 gives me no trouble whatsoever, just a really lovely young lady. 3 year old DS on the other hand..........

I think the key is to keep talking to them, show an interest in their things and don't be embarrassing Wink

bonbonours · 03/08/2021 22:28

I have 3. I loved the baby and toddler years, in fact every stage up to the past year or so in the case of the eldest (age 13-14) when we have been dealing with all sorts of traumas (the problems are not necessarily what you think will be the problems)
But my second child is still lovely at the age of 13, I just hope it lasts.

Eventually I will end up with A13,15 and 17 year old, it'll be interesting.....

Wallywobbles · 03/08/2021 22:40

15 15 16 girls here. Mostly ok DH v strict so I get to mostly play good cop which is much more fun.

Cattitudes · 03/08/2021 22:49

@backtonormalonedaysoon

This thread is making me laugh! Think it depends largely on their personalities, it reminds me of when parents of little ones that are great sleepers/eaters who are all smug until no2 comes along who's totally different
I don't think it is just their personality, dh swears the baby/toddler years were better and the dc aren't different. However he wasn't with them 24/7, up half the night feeding them, teaching them to read, making sure they had everything for the day. He would swoop in with 'who wants to go to the beach?' While muggins would be packing the bags.

Now they are more concerned about exams than day trips to the beach. He is often bemoaning that they don't want to come out for walks as much. We both work full time now so he has to do more around the house, plus they don't instantly adore and agree with him, and will call him out on stuff, he finds it harder.

I though love that they make their own lunches, get dressed themselves, take responsibility if they forget something. I love their intelligent debates on politics and current affairs. Yes sometimes they have views I disagree with and sometimes they challenge the way I think, but it keeps me thinking and reflecting. Yes we still (just) make the rules because they are not yet adults but increasingly I am there as a sounding board and advisor rather than running the show.

KateTheEighth · 03/08/2021 22:50

I have 2 teens

They are funny, interesting, clever and kind

And so much easier than toddlers!

HollaHolla · 03/08/2021 22:52

Ahh. My sister and I were utterly vile for about 4 years; my brother essentially stayed in his room for his teenage tears.....
I think everyone is different. If it’s any consolation, we’re all close with my mum now.

ChequerBoard · 03/08/2021 22:53

Not necessarily OP. My DC are 18 and 14 and are both just the same lovely people they have always been. DD is off to Uni later this year, DS about to start his GCSE courses.

I can honestly say we have never had any door slamming and the only temper tantrums e have even had were in the toddler years.

JaceLancs · 03/08/2021 22:56

I only have 2 DC but didn’t have trouble with the teenage years
They are now awesome adults of 28 and 29
I think if I’d had 3 it wouldn’t be any different

MyOtherProfile · 03/08/2021 22:57

Two teens here and so far it's been my favourite stage. From what I can see, the more heavy handed and authoritarian parents are, the tougher the teens. We have worked hard to build a good relationship with ours, they seem to be pretty nice people.

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