AIBU to think the teenage years are going to be hard?

[Pinkwithwhite]

We have 2 children, I want 3 at least but reading another thread and someone made a comment about how easy the baby/toddler stage is compared to the teenage years.
I've never thought about having 3 teenagers!
Please what is it like? How hard is it? No one has never said anything about the teenage years, and when I think what we were like as teens I think how on earth will we cope?!

I will soon have 3 teenagers and I'd take teens over toddlers any day, even the one that's been stronger than me since he was 12 and taller than me since he was 14.

We've had our moments as they're learning to handle new emotions and situations, but they're a lot more helpful and understanding & have far more interesting things to say. My oldest does go through periods where he's monosyllabic grunts, but I'll take that over toddler him who was non-verbal and really annoyed about us not reading his mind/pointing well.

Really, 80%+ of the issues I have with my teenagers is when they're being way to similar to their father or I & it's hard to correct them for something I'm doing even if want them to be doing better.

Can't believe someone said toddlers are easy.

It's fucking brutal 😂

Toddlers and teens are both horrendous.

If happily skip both stages. Love tiny babies and the primary years are nice

Each age is fascinating in different ways. They are different and you are different. You will be ready for it when it happens.

I agree nokidshere they are totally different personalities, and therefore I parent them differently too, one size does not fit all.

Depends upon your teenager - I have a 'normal' teenager aged 17 who is an absolute breeze and a 19 year old who drives me to the brink of despair and leads me to self medicate with emotional eating and drinking!

Do you have any mental health issues in your family? Dh had a maternal grandfather who killed himself and has a sister who struggles with mental health and has attempted suicide. I reckon that's where dd's issues come from - a predisposition to anxiety and low mood (which makes her behaviour toxic at times). If you do have mental health issues in your family be prepared that the teenage years may not be easy

@Comedycook

So many posters seem to think having easy teens is all down to their brilliant parenting...yes, boundaries help. Yes your parenting will have an impact. But a huge amount is down to their innate personality imo. I hear so many parents describe how they have one easy kid and one who's much harder to parent...how can that be if they're brought up in the same house?

My ds is naturally pessimistic and morose...he is just like my father and his father also. It's a trait in the men in my family. However, they died before my ds was born so its not like hes been influenced directly by them.

This ^^

Smug buggers

@LimitIsUp

Depends upon your teenager - I have a 'normal' teenager aged 17 who is an absolute breeze and a 19 year old who drives me to the brink of despair and leads me to self medicate with emotional eating and drinking!

Do you have any mental health issues in your family? Dh had a maternal grandfather who killed himself and has a sister who struggles with mental health and has attempted suicide. I reckon that's where dd's issues come from - a predisposition to anxiety and low mood (which makes her behaviour toxic at times). If you do have mental health issues in your family be prepared that the teenage years may not be easy

I absolutely believe mental health issues can run in families. Like I said, there is a huge tendency for the men on my paternal side to be prone to depression and just general melancholy.

I have even thought about whether I should discourage dd from having dc when she is older, to avoid passing on the mantle of mental illness - but it's really not my place to do that

There are no absolutes obviously and it’s not all about parenting BUT anecdotally the several families who were wet with their kids when they were little never said no and pandered to them and let themselves be talked to like dirt by their children now have very disrespectful teens - it can’t be a coincidence

anecdotally the several families who were wet with their kids when they were little never said no and pandered to them and let themselves be talked to like dirt by their children now have very disrespectful teens

yeah... that's exactly how the other parents always saw me when DS was in primary. They were keen to tell me their opinions. I even had a head-of-KS2 teacher* tell me bluntly something about how "Everyone knows that it's kids who are ill disciplined who end up causing trouble" -- I replied that DS would stop being a pain if he ran out into the playground and could find a single friend there.

Same DS was repeatedly described in secondary school reports, right from yr7, as "polite and mature."

It's nothing short of magical how much I transformed into a decent parent the moment DS started secondary. Especially given I now have good relationships with my "wild" "never told them no" teenagers now. The ones with jobs, happy employers & good grades, I mean. Who i can have a laugh with and very far from stress me out on a daily basis.

*he's quite friendly when we bump into each other nowadays. It's that kind of area, we will bump into each other forever, until I move away, probably.

I have 2 teens with another nearly there. I find it all bloody hard work tbh! I miss the early years when they did as they were told and went to bed early!!

It doesn’t help that with 2 teen DD and me being peri menopausal there are lots of hormones flying about so it can be all rather difficult at times.

We have 2 dds. Maybe we were lucky, but we had no problem with the teen years at all.

Please don’t believe people who say they’re bound to be a nightmare.

I can’t help wondering whether most of the sort of kids who turn out to be teen nightmares, are the sort who were allowed to get away with being thoroughly rude and disobedient when younger.

I can’t help wondering whether most of the sort of kids who turn out to be teen nightmares, are the sort who were allowed to get away with being thoroughly rude and disobedient when younger

Might do but equally might literally just be their personalities.

My dd is naturally compliant and well behaved.
I haven't done anything differently to make her that way. I won't take the credit...she is just like that.
Not once has her teacher ever had to have a word with me after school...as for my ds, I used to hold my breath at pick up time hoping the teacher wouldnt want a word. Since he was small he wants to debate and challenge everything. Remember the reward systems in primary school? he saw through that straight away and would declare it as bribery! He knows the basics of right and wrong and as a teen never gets into trouble at school thankfully! But he's incredibly rude and difficult at home...it's difficult because with him the stricter you are, the worse he gets and you end up in am awful vicious cycle.

I found my teenagers much easier than my toddlers.

Of course parenting has a massive part to play. I'm a mum of two teenage boys and also a teacher. I despair sometimes with parents who have no boundaries at home, allow their young children to stay up late, eat crap, spend their days playing video games and put absolutely no effort into being a parent. Their kids are inevitably behind at school, have poor social skills, are rude and difficult. Their parents blame the school for the fact they can't make any friends. In fact they blame everyone but themselves. It makes me furious that people have kids and don't care about them enough to put in the effort to bring them up, by just spending quality time with them, taking them out, interacting with them, teaching them manners. It's basic stuff and it doesn't require any money. Some parents are just lazy and selfish. I deal with safeguarding issues on a daily basis and most of it is pure neglect of parenting duties. My heart bleeds for these children who are disadvantaged from the word go by parents who can't see past their own needs to give their children the nurture they need.

Being a parent is hard work, but isn't that what we signed up for?

Well yes we 'signed up for hard work' except the only family I knew well was mine. DBro and I slept well, ate well and were obedient and compliant.

We worked hard at school, didnt do drugs or have sex young and the worse having to emotionally support us through bullying and exam worries.

My 10 year old didnt sleep through the night until he was 7 (he has ADHD). He also has 3 other medical problems which have needed medicines and therapy since birth.

My 7 year old is easier but still needs a lot of care and attention as well to compensate for his older brother being so difficult.

Teenagers are hard work in a very different way to toddlers. I find teens much easier because of my own personality I think.

At least you can have a reasonable conversation with them and find out, eventually, why they're being moody etc. There's definitely no such conversation to be had with a toddler!

My ds is 16. He is only a total monster during any full lockdowns. Hopefully now over with. They do household chores and are much more independent. I find them more interesting to be honest.

Well yes we 'signed up for hard work' except the only family I knew well was mine. DBro and I slept well, ate well and were obedient and compliant

We worked hard at school, didnt do drugs or have sex young and the worse having to emotionally support us through bullying and exam worries

Yeah same. I was a very compliant well behaved teen. I had horrendous teenage years...my mum died, my father was an abusive alcoholic. I couldn't misbehave really. I had to grow up very quickly. I have to bite my tongue when I see my own teenager moan and whinge even though he has a lovely life.

I found the baby/toddler and primary years an absolute pleasure.
My 17year old son has nearly broke me though. We've been through the most stressful couple of years with him.
A previous poster said how it's mostly to do with parenting. In our case I can assure you it's not. We have a loving relationship with all our children, and with firm boundaries in place, they've all had plenty of attention and are not spoilt. Comments like that really upset me as I know I'm a good parent (obviously not perfect, who is!)

@Devonchills

I found the baby/toddler and primary years an absolute pleasure. My 17year old son has nearly broke me though. We've been through the most stressful couple of years with him. A previous poster said how it's mostly to do with parenting. In our case I can assure you it's not. We have a loving relationship with all our children, and with firm boundaries in place, they've all had plenty of attention and are not spoilt. Comments like that really upset me as I know I'm a good parent (obviously not perfect, who is!)

Pay no attention to ignorant posters who make sweeping generalisations like that

I too think it’s how you parent and view your children as a whole. I am not a strict parent and believe that my DC are their own people with their own needs, opinions etc. I am finding the teenage and preteen years so enjoyable. We reason things out and I give as much freedom as I believe they can handle at the time. I’ve learned so much from them too!

They are going to make mistakes and rebel but that’s how they grow and find their feet. My mother thought she could rule me throughout my teenage years like she always had done and it was a war zone. I still don’t have a good relationship with her as my feelings as my own person were never taken into account and it has done me no favours as an adult.

I think on the whole and from looking at friends, my parents, myself, if you’re an easier going parent the teenage years will probably be kinder to you.

I have two teenagers. They’re both good kids who don’t give us any trouble really.

It’s the friendship issues that are hard to deal with. There’s drama most days, tears, falling outs etc.