Locked Parking Thread - The Actual End

[BlueEyesWhiteDragon]

This has been a wild ride made substantially more entertaining by DBs shenanigans but the end is in sight.

Hopefully by 8.35 the car will be free. I will be downing something alcoholic and next time the straw comes I'll make him bring it in by hand one bale at a time WITHOUT unlocking the gate!

I'm going to go for dignified and just let him out and convince myself that him moving it at all makes this a draw my victory. He no doubt will do the same and we'll both potter off happily into the sunset hopefully never to meet again!

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* Edited by MNHQ to add *

Previous threads all here:

To lock the jackass in (parking thread)
Locked parking thread 2
Locked Parking Thread 3(!!!))
Locked parking thread 4 - The End
Locked Parking Thread 5 - The Actual End

@viques

OMG it is gone 7.00. I reckon he has clonked Dragon over the head to teach her not to be a stroppy entitled woman, bundled her into the back of his Ranger and is even now digging a shallow grave in the forest. Quick, someone do something.......

Then he's missing a trick. The last thing you want to do with a dead body is bury it in a forest where it will be dug up by scavengers, discovered and ultimately reveal your dastardly plot. He needs to drop me off under the cover of darkness at a pig farm.

Or burn me in my own industrial size wood/straw burner and scatter the ashes in the forest.

That would be the ultimate CF move though, to use my own plan for his death against me

OP you should print all 5 threads off and shove them under his wipers before he comes. People like him never admit they are wrong, he needs to read 5000 posts of it!

he is coming at 8.30

Oh. Well that’s good, but I think the OP needs to make sure she doesn’t turn her back on him........

Shall we place bets on what time he actually turns up, if at all?

Hope you're hitting the wine at 8:32 tonight.

Remember to use your silences to best effect - your DB was a master of the strategic silence.

If you can do drop in a quip about five minutes

I know in reality that you probably will just hope the gate - but still a mention of 'long five minutes wasn't it?' would be nice for you,

Then again he might be a smart arse - so learn your script just in case you need something say, Like a reverse of when you think of something smart after the event!!

(Guess Who? with Ryan Giggs?)

As if he hasn't committed enough crimes (both actual and in terms of manners) calling it a ranger is just unacceptable. Its beyond embarrassing. Thanks for the entertainment op!

DO NOT say anything that could be construed as your being apologetic. Don't say, "No problem."
Stand at the gate, key in hand, look at him (Paddington stare) and say, "Well, what do you say, then?" in the tone of a strict Grandmother ensuring the child says please before receiving the sweets. And wait in silence until he asks nicely. If he's already in the car, stand by him dangling the keys and do the "Well, what etc..." bit.
Enjoy it!

I take it there was no apology in the message arranging to collect at 8:30 then @BlueEyesWhiteDragon

Op please channel your DB anc make CF be ashamed of himself
Or get your brother to call you while CF is there
DONT LET HIM OFF THE HOOK

Good luck op

Oh, and have a charity collection box at hand. Look at it very pointedly.

Hold the gate keys in your hand and start slowly unlocking the gate. Tell him ‘I don’t want to ever see you on my property ever again! Understand?!’

Shameless place marking.

You could just stand in silence and say "I'm waiting for your apology".

Parking up for the finale !

Anyone else think CFer now when they see an (innocent) Ranger ?

I’ll bet money on him saying no more than ‘I’m here for my car’.
Twat.

Oh please get DB to phone you at 8:30 on the dot and then make CF wait while you take a 'very important phone call'

Come on OP, tell us more about how 8:30 was arranged! Did he ask nicely when you were available? Text anything that could be vaguely construed as an apology? Shoehorn in another gratuitous reference to X?

Gosh I do hope it is resolved this time.

@Eminybob

OP you should print all 5 threads off and shove them under his wipers before he comes. People like him never admit they are wrong, he needs to read 5000 posts of it!

This is a brilliant idea.

@FenceSplinters

Shall we place bets on what time he actually turns up, if at all?

8.55pm

I'm so ignorant about/ uninterested in cars I wouldn't recognise one if it parked outside our door.

I am useless at confrontation too but I still think I would ask, pleasantly, the non-confrontational question: “When I told you I needed to lock the gates, why did you ask me to give you 5 minutes?”

And then just… silence. Resist the urge to offer answers for him. Make him explain his thought process.

If needs be, you can always follow up with: “I came back 5 minutes later, as promised. I didn’t see you scouting the road for other parking possibilities. Did you even try to park elsewhere?” And again, wait.

If feeling daring, you could add, still pleasantly, and as if you are simply bemused and want to understand: “Was it because I’m a woman that you thought it wasn’t important when I told you the gates needed to be locked?”

Don't let him out till he's read all the posts.