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Original poster

I pay for everything and he’s asking for 4K

235 replies

Fridacat · 02/08/2021 12:01

Posting here for traffic

Partner helped me with a deposit for a house over a year ago it was 4K I have given some money back 1K but tbh he never really said at the time he wanted it back

Backstory we have one 6 year old child together who has autism been together 18 years but decided to live apart as we both like space he owns his own home and me and my son would live together

I pay for everything food rent bills my sons clothes literally everything. He pays for the odd McDonald’s happy meal and brings our son out which I am very grateful for as sometimes I need that break as I cannot cope at times. He’s is also filthy and I’m one of those who likes my house to be spotless

He has yet again told me today he wants the money back at a rate of 100.00 a month and is refusing to leave the home he’s been here since the start of lockdown which as I said above is great at times because I get a break when he takes our son out

I’m on universal credit and my son gets DLA I’ve never told his father I receive DLA or carers for our son as he would literally take the money from me he has always been very mean.

What am I asking is what would you do aibu to not give him 4K back over a period of time or should I just pay him I don’t know where the arsehole thinks I’m going to get the money from he obviously thinks I shit money.

He’s basically been living here rent free he owns his own house outright so he doesn’t have to pay a mortgage and he works he doesn’t buy our son clothes or anything

He has money he doesn’t have to work but got a job in the area I live in behind my back and told me 24/48 hours before he started. He’s due to be paid this week 2k yet he’s still abusing me about this money I ‘owe’ him

After typing this he really is a cunt in total it was 5K I’ve given him back 1K which he said I didn’t give back even when I proved I did with my bank statements

I literally cannot afford to pay back this money and tbh why should I he literally has been living rent free eating here for free gets his washing done etc

I don’t need any flaming please I’ve been crying in bed and recently come off my antidepressants and I’ll probably have to go back on them now due to the shit he is giving me about this money

OP posts:
Booboosweet · 02/08/2021 14:02

Say to him he either pays half of everything if he's living there or the other choice is for you to keep claiming benefits and he leaves. Right now you're committing fraud if you're claiming as a single parent.

toocold54 · 02/08/2021 14:06

I’ve told him to go and live at his second home which is about 25 miles from here he said I’m not commuting everyday to see my son. He has got used to living the life of Riley here

Tell him again to leave.
I know you need the break OP but honestly the first thing you need to do is get him out of your house and stop letting him walk all over you.

Say to him today that he will need to leave by the end of tomorrow as you have family/friends staying.

AmberIsACertainty · 02/08/2021 14:06

@Fridacat

I’ve told him to go and live at his second home which is about 25 miles from here he said I’m not commuting everyday to see my son. He has got used to living the life of Riley here
It's not his decision! If he doesn't want to commute to see his son, he needs to move closer to where his son lives ie he needs to move closer to your house.

I didn't realize before that you were renting I thought you'd bought. I wouldn't worry about the £4k unless he takes you to court. Where if he wins you'll be able to pay him back 50p a week or something stupid like that.

Someone asked if he has ASD. Who cares whether the dickhead has ASD? Don't muddy the waters, it's irrelevant to this situation. The OP will probably just latch onto it and start making even more excuses for his shit behaviour.

OP, he doesn't rule your life, you do. He doesn't have to like or agree with your decisions. He can't take your DLA etc off you, for that to happen you'd have to give it to him, so don't do it!

Hekatestorch · 02/08/2021 14:07

His commute, where his house is etc isn't your issue. It's his.

AmberIsACertainty · 02/08/2021 14:09

@Booboosweet

Say to him he either pays half of everything if he's living there or the other choice is for you to keep claiming benefits and he leaves. Right now you're committing fraud if you're claiming as a single parent.
Why would she do this? #1 she doesn't want him living there because he's messy and controlling #2 he lies about what he's going to do then does something else.

She wants him gone, therefore he has no choice in this.

Notaroadrunner · 02/08/2021 14:14

@Fridacat

I’ve told him to go and live at his second home which is about 25 miles from here he said I’m not commuting everyday to see my son. He has got used to living the life of Riley here
Just pack up his stuff, change the locks and have him out by tomorrow. Why on earth are you putting up with him? He's of no benefit to you. He's a financial drain on you. Ignore the 4K. He has no proof that it was a loan and he has certainly taken more than the value of it from you since with the free accommodation, lack of cms etc. So you do not owe him a penny. Everytime he mentions it pretend you have no idea what he's on about. Once he's gone today/tomorrow, put in a claim for cms and organise access for your dc.
Nightlystroll · 02/08/2021 14:15

@Naunet

Yeah, but MN isn’t a court…!

That is definitely true. You can lie with impunity on MN. But in court I think its called perjury. But not my problem, not my prison term. 😄 If this was my situation, my problem would be sat on the pavement with a bin bag!

icelollycraving · 02/08/2021 14:16

The thing is, it sounds like you have got into a routine of him taking the piss, you allowing it but not really doing much to reset things beyond moan.
He will not help you if your benefits are stopped, then you’d really be in the shit.
Are you actually going to do anything or do you purely want to moan to a new audience? I’m not judging but it is not going to change through just complaining to anyone who’ll listen. He won’t leave, why would he?

notapizzaeater · 02/08/2021 14:18

He can say all he bloody wants and moan about the distance but your name is on the tenancy so just kick him out, if he won't go get the police involved.

WildBurd · 02/08/2021 14:20

Lock him out.
Tell him if he tries to force entry you will call the police.
Apply for CM.
Tell him to request a formal child visitation order.

FatCatThinCat · 02/08/2021 14:22

Tell him to leave immediately. If he refuses, call the police and get them to remove him. He has no right to be there.

Forget the money you 'owe' him, you've used it to feed and house him throughout the pandemic.

Put in a claim for child maintenance straight away.

He's a pisstaker for sure, but he's only taking the piss because you're allowing him to.

Jessica60 · 02/08/2021 14:23

Benefit fraud

Fieldsofstars · 02/08/2021 14:24

@Jessica60 good point

andweallsingalong · 02/08/2021 14:25

OP you absolutely must kick him out today.

UC won't care that he's a financially abusive arsehole. The first time he gives your address to a bank or similar or someone reports you they will recalculate your UC with his money. Then they will reduce / stop your UC without even talking to you, you will have nothing, no food, no rent and owe thousands in overpayments. If you try and deny he's living there then you will be prosecuted for benefit fraud and have to pay costs on top. You will also have to pay extra council tax as no longer entitled to the single person discount.

He's not worth it.

Meraas · 02/08/2021 14:27

What are you actually going to do , OP?

It sounds like you just want to vent and then go back to putting up with him?

BadNomad · 02/08/2021 14:28

As others have said you NEED to get him out because YOU are committing benefit fraud and will get into serious trouble. Contact the police to have him removed if needs be. That might support your case that there is no relationship between you when you get caught out that he's been living there.

CitrusIceCream · 02/08/2021 14:31

OP...this is a frustrating thread to read because you keep updating us with more details about what a shit he is without giving any indication that you’re taking any advice.

That’s up to you of course but be aware that if you are claiming UC as a lone parent and they find out that your son’s independantly wealthy, working father...who owns two properties...is living with you then you will a) have committed a criminal offence, b) have your benefits stopped, c) be unable to pay your rent, d) be evicted and e) won’t be able to ask the council for assistance because they’ll consider that you’ve intentionally made yourself homeless.

Is he worth it? If you’re scared of asking him to leave then say so and people can give you tailored advice to help you manage that safely.

Regarding the £4k....fuck it. If he takes you to court (the only thing he can legally do) and manages to get a judgement then the court will take into account that you’re a lone parent on benefits with a child who has a disability and tell you to pay £3.60 a month to him...or something like that.

No one can sort this mess out but you. No one.

Hekatestorch · 02/08/2021 14:32

@Jessica60

Benefit fraud
This.

Op could end up in a world of pain having him live there

AcrossthePond55 · 02/08/2021 14:38

OP what is actually stopping you from locking him out? There must be some reason. Are you afraid of him?

I assume he has a key and he's not likely to voluntarily return it so your 'plan of action' needs to be coordinating a locksmith for a time when he will not be there. I think you said he's working so if he works regular shifts it should be easy enough. Or if you're handy you can change the lock barrels yourself. There are plenty of YouTube videos that show how.

I understand that he won't leave voluntarily, so there's really no point in continually asking or telling him to leave. That ship has sailed. Your only option now is to physically prevent him from re-entering the house. Ever.

2bazookas · 02/08/2021 14:38

I would give him his son and go for a nice holiday rest while CSA sorts out your claim for child maintenance.

Couchbettato · 02/08/2021 14:40

If he gave you the money and didn't stipulate it was a loan, then it will be dealt with as a gift.

He can't ask for gifted money back. And if he took it to court theyd say as much.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 02/08/2021 14:40

Why are you with this man? I hope this thread has opened your eyes to exactly how bad this is.

The fact that you are 'grateful' that he deigns to take his child out occasionally speaks volumes.

1Endeavour2 · 02/08/2021 14:41

Get a free session with a solicitor.
Contact CAB asap. You will get help to sort this out. Good luck.

SixesAndEights · 02/08/2021 14:41

When are you chucking him out OP?

As soon as DWP get wind of this you'll be in major trouble.

If you don't chuck him out you'll have more than £4000 to worry about!

DxHxSx · 02/08/2021 14:41

Tell him someone has called the DWP & told them you're a couple not a single claimant as declared. Bet he will move out very quickly

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