Who is right here?

[bakinbiscuits]

I don't want to give away who I am in this situation so trying to be neutral.

Katie and John split up 2 years ago. 3 children who live primarily with Katie. John has regular contact, every other weekend and a Wednesday evening. Contact isn't set it stone so sometimes he has them more if work/plans allow. John has a girlfriend, Sarah, who he's been with for a year.

Katie's boiler has broken and John is a Plummer. Katie asked John if he would come fix the boiler as there is no hot water. John initially said yes but then changed his mind and he and sarah both think it's Katie's responsibility to fix the boiler herself as it is her house. John and sarah are happy to support by allowing the kids to bathe at their house until Katie gets the boiler fixed.

Should John help and fix the boiler or should Katie be getting another Plummer in to fix it.

His input is already a bit lacking and he’s being unreasonable not to contribute skills for his children and their mother to have hot water at home.

John should absolutely fix it, his kids live there and need hot water!! Yeah he offered they could go to his to bathe but as if you want to be doing a bedtime routine elsewhere and then go home. Katie can pay him if he feels that would protect boundaries. It’s not like she’s asking him to remove a scary spider or something, his kids are going without and he has the skills to fix it so he totally should.

Christ! Why would he want to charge her. I hate people sometimes

I think John should help you out, for the children’s sake at the very least.

However, if you have to resort to getting another plumber, British Gas have a ‘Repair and ongoing cover’ scheme. It’s £109 repair fee, then £24.50 a month for 12 months. That way, you can have the boiler repaired and have maintenance cover for 12 months, with peace of mind.
Be mindful that the monthly price will go up on renewal but there are different cover options going forward, or just cancel instead of renewing.
There might be local plumbers who have similar schemes.
My son used this BG repair option when his boiler broke down and it worked out cheaper than getting a local plumber to just do the initial repair.
I don’t work for BG by the way, just trying to give you an option to consider that would get your boiler working without John’s input.

Perhaps John should offer some petrol money to help towards your extra fuel costs when dropping off / picking up the children? Surely Sarah can’t object to that?

You need to guilt trip him into doing it. I can hardly believe he won’t help out given the circumstances.

John is completely in the wrong. Of course he should do what he can to ensure there is hot water in the home where his children live.
Sarah's opinion is completely irrelevant

Whilst the boiler is your responsibility, he should help, especially as you’ve helped him with the extra transport. Fixing the boiler is probably less of an inconvenience than the little and often extra transport you’ve been doing for him.

Who owns the house as if divorce or ownership of house isnt completed I think he should as she is entitled to make him pay half as the house would be worth less as an asset if it where sold with no hot water .

If they generally have a good relationship then if John has the knowledge/tools/skills to fix the boiler then he probably should help out. Heating/hot water is a basic need. It’s not like he is a painter and decorator and she just fancies new wallpaper or something! It’s his kids ultimately living without.

Seems to be an awful lot of Sarah's on here.

Of course he should fix it, spineless prick.

He should be in there fixing the boiler for HIS KIDS! Unresonable to expect them to go & bathe elsewhere and what about when winter comes? Is he going to buy them extra clothing & duvets to keep warm.. John is a twat, don't be like John

If John & Katie are amicable then he should fix the boiler. That would be the best thing for his children. My ex did loads of stuff in my house after we’d split up. It’s what good people do. Why he said no is beyond me,

He sees them four days out of fourteen? So he is already in a big deficit wrt being their dad, and should not be refusing something simple (for him) to do which would be a positive for his children.

@Hertsgirl10

* And no OP don’t drop the kids or help at all, treat them with the same respect, *

I hate comments like this.
Tit for tat. And children suffer

Sometimes my ex infuriates the hell out of me.
Doesn’t mean I lower myself
As if I did - children would suffer

@AhNowTed

Seems to be an awful lot of Sarah's on here.

Of course he should fix it, spineless prick.

Really? Can’t say i have come across many at all!

[quote Marmitemarinaded]@Hertsgirl10

* And no OP don’t drop the kids or help at all, treat them with the same respect, *

I hate comments like this.
Tit for tat. And children suffer

Sometimes my ex infuriates the hell out of me.
Doesn’t mean I lower myself
As if I did - children would suffer[/quote]
@Marmitemarinaded

And I hate when women roll over and do things for men when they don’t help them.

The kids won’t suffer at all don’t be dramatic, they’ll have to do a few trips. They will suffer with no heat or hot water though.

Well this is kinda crappy all around - I hope you get the boiler fixed one way or another OP, he's definitely being an arse & regardless of Sarah, it's him who is saying no to helping you & DC out. You're entitled to be very disappointed & let him know that you are. And to be completely bemused about his change of heart - & you should probably let him know that too, as that has compounded the whole situation. Good luck

"@Marmitemarinaded

And I hate when women roll over and do things for men when they don’t help them.

The kids won’t suffer at all don’t be dramatic, they’ll have to do a few trips. They will suffer with no heat or hot water though."

Quote 1: wont suffer at all
Quote 2: will suffer with heat and no water

Make up your mind!

We don't know anything about this family, or if the children or adults are disabled, or other personal circumstances that could make it stressful for the kids.

Ask him to recommend a mate or someone he knows who is a decent plumber.

When they ask him why he isn't doing the job himself, he will be sure to squirm.

[quote MakeMathsFun]"@Marmitemarinaded

And I hate when women roll over and do things for men when they don’t help them.

The kids won’t suffer at all don’t be dramatic, they’ll have to do a few trips. They will suffer with no heat or hot water though."

Quote 1: wont suffer at all
Quote 2: will suffer with heat and no water

Make up your mind!

We don't know anything about this family, or if the children or adults are disabled, or other personal circumstances that could make it stressful for the kids.[/quote]
What on earth are you on about.

My point was in relation to your suggestion to now not do a thing for the ex.

Tit for tat. And the children suffer.

The man should fix the boiler for his ex wife because he’s a nice human and it’s the right thing to do.

[quote MakeMathsFun]"@Marmitemarinaded

And I hate when women roll over and do things for men when they don’t help them.

The kids won’t suffer at all don’t be dramatic, they’ll have to do a few trips. They will suffer with no heat or hot water though."

Quote 1: wont suffer at all
Quote 2: will suffer with heat and no water

Make up your mind!

We don't know anything about this family, or if the children or adults are disabled, or other personal circumstances that could make it stressful for the kids.[/quote]
The kids won’t suffer being driven one by one .. they will by not having a working boiler. Was it that difficult to understand?

Update on the boiler!
I asked why he'd back tracked and he mumbled and said it's not a good idea. I said obviously it's Sarah who doesn't think it's a good idea, he didn't really say anything to that. So I just said fine, I'll fix it but I'm really disappointed that he's allowing her to decide what he should and shouldn't do when it comes to his children. I pointed out that I ended my last relationship as that person tried to interfere in our co-parenting and for me no one will ever come before our children and what's best for them. I'd rather be on my own than have someone who is going to make co-parenting difficult.

So John offered to send a mate to look at the boiler. Mate turned up, took a look, is coming back to fix it tomorrow. I asked how much it would cost and he said he's sorting it with John.

So I text John and asked what the deal was, he said he'll 'put his mate right' and don't worry about the money but keep it between us. I told John to stick paying for my boiler repair I don't need help from someone too spineless to put his kids before his latest girlfriend!!

I'm actually fuming about it.

Let his mate do the boiler that’s one less stress to worry about.

John seems to have misplaced his balls 🙈
Don’t even get angry about your ex being a big wimp, he’s gonna have sooo much fun with insecure Sarah as a girlfriend.

He finally stepped up. As for keeping it between you, you don't talk to Sarah a lot, do you? plus financially, you had your car bill out the blue. I would have said thank you to John for his generosity in the circumstances and bitten his hand off. You made your point about him pandering to his gf. He sorted it.