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AIBU?

I dont think she is over reacting. Do you?

170 replies

Cheeseandlobster · 01/08/2021 12:47

I have just had a friend over who wanted to get out of their house for a bit. She has a step dd who is 14 and who has been behaving badly. Think shoplifting, bullying another girl and being totally disrespectful to her mum.

My friend works very long hours. She only gets a lie in on a Sunday. She is often exhausted and really needs this lie in.

Over the last few months her step dd has been coming into their room and using friends hair straighteners. They are mega effective but old so don't have an automatic shut off. Step dd has been leaving them in her room switched on and then going out. Friend has explained the importance of switching them off umpteen times but step dd has taken no notice. Last week friend said if she did this one more time she would not be using them anymore. She left them on again.

Last night friend and her dh drove round to collect step dd who was staying over. Friend re-iterated the straighteners were no longer available and did she have hers with her. Step dd said no. She was keeping her hair curly.

Step dd was going shopping at a large mall today and was being collected by a friend and her parents at 8.30am as the mall is a drive away. At 7.30am stepdd came barging into the room demanding the straighteners. Friend said no. Stepdd started screaming and shouting and wailing so friends dh went into the drawers, gave her the straighteners and said he wasn't having his dd being so upset. So friend was totally walked over and was too wired and angry for her 1 lie in.

She showed me a text on her phone where her dh had said it was a big fuss over straighteners and why is she making such a big deal over it. Friend went home second guessing herself. And I am raging for her. I tried not to slate her dh but it's not about bloody straighteners at all. I am hoping I can maybe show her this thread at some point if I am right. This is not the first time her dh has let his dd walk all over my friend. For example she has to sit in the back when they drive anywhere as step dd won't sit in the back. And it's their joint car that my friend pays equally for. And her dh gave my friends old iPhone to his dd when she broke hers. He didn't ask if this was OK as he said she didn't use it anymore so what was the problem. My friend had been planning on giving it to her niece. She has a dh problem doesn't she?

OP posts:

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Am I being unreasonable?

1855 votes. Final results.

POLL

You are being unreasonable

1%

You are NOT being unreasonable

99%

Wishihadanalgorithm · 02/08/2021 22:05

It has all been said. Your friend needs to get rid of these two idiots for her life. She will be much happier.

There isn’t anything else to add other than please show your friend this thread.

HelloDulling · 02/08/2021 22:06

My friend said when she raised the fire safety issue, he just said that if the house burns down they will just get all new things via the insurance.

Or they will all be dead in a house fire. Such fun.

BadNomad · 02/08/2021 22:11

Why can't he buy her straighteners (with safety cuttoff feature) to keep at your house?

LizzieW1969 · 02/08/2021 22:14

I would advise buying DSD her own hair straighteners if she really wants to solve the problem.

But this girl can’t be trusted with her own straightener, can she?? She leaves the OP’s straighteners switched on. What about the fire risk??

LizzieW1969 · 02/08/2021 22:22

@BadNomad

Point taken. I didn’t know there were straighteners with that safety feature. They should all have it surely?

BadNomad · 02/08/2021 22:29

Most modern models automatically shut off if not used after a certain length of time.

TheGoogleMum · 02/08/2021 22:39

The car seat thing wouldn't bother me so much but I probably would offer to drive (but then I do most the driving anyway!). I would sooner get rid of the straighteners than let SD use them again though. She was warned and I think its right to follow through so that children learn actions have consequences

Duchess379 · 02/08/2021 22:40

I would take the hair straighteners & beat the pair of them with it. They are totally mugging her off. She needs to take something old of hubby's & 'give it away' as well. *Mindblown

SmokeyDevil · 02/08/2021 22:43

Wouldn't the insurance be void if they have left straighteners on that caused the fire?

The sitting in the back of the car is so pathetic, why doesn't she just refuse to move? The idiot kid hasn't even given a good reason like travel sickness for not wanting to sit in the back. My mum had to sit in the back all the time on journeys as otherwise I'd be sick (sometimes even in the front), but that was necessary you know? Avoid having to clear up sick as much as you can. This kid is just being a brat.

I'd cut the plug off the straighteners or remove the fuse. Let the brat scream at her dad then. But she should leave him, he will never change and all of their money will go to the brat for her whole life.

HaveringWavering · 02/08/2021 22:49

Wouldn't the insurance be void if they have left straighteners on that caused the fire?

No. You're still insured for stupid shit, it's just deliberately setting things on fire that is excluded. My tenant set my flat on fire because she was incredibly stupid with a candle. Insurance paid out no problem. (Damage contained in one room, nobody hurt).

JacquelineCarlyle · 02/08/2021 23:11

She absolutely has a DH problem, however she also needs to stand up for herself. Say no and hide the straighteners and always insist on sitting in the front.

Strangeways19 · 03/08/2021 07:53

Can't help thinking that this DDad is setting up huge problems for himself & his dd in the future

sue20 · 03/08/2021 08:04

No wonder step dd is behaving this way. So DH doesn't care about bringing up his daughter to be happy nor setting house on fire. I agree with other posters -
friend needs to get out of this relationship. Amazing the things we put up with. DH sounds like the whole problem basically.

M4J4 · 03/08/2021 08:10

I hope she leaves the spineless wimp.

StarryNight468 · 03/08/2021 08:30

What an absolute shit dad. Before I ended up married to a shit Disney dad I didnt know parents could be so weird about their dc. I've never guilt parented and didn't know it was such a thing..

hettie · 03/08/2021 09:02

That poor child is being set up for a life of shit relationships, dysfunctional transactional and not based on solid emotionally intimate interactions but transactional bullshit (all about what you will give into for each other). Your mate should leave him, and if he reads this thread he needs to know he is doing his poor dd a massive disservice.

Cannyapper · 03/08/2021 09:49

Eek this is very outing I reckon. Does your friend know you have posted all this

BertramLacey · 03/08/2021 12:16

Can't help thinking that this DDad is setting up huge problems for himself & his dd in the future

He's got problems now. She's shoplifting and bullying. But yes, I agree, it's only going to get worse unless he changes things drastically and soon.

amispeakingenglish · 03/08/2021 17:05

agree with other posters. This is not on.

However in the meantime she could remove the fuse from the plug or put in a broken one.

Madamum18 · 06/08/2021 16:02

He is completely missing the point and landing both of them with an entitled drama queen teenager who knows how to get her own way. The issue is with her DH!

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