I dont think she is over reacting. Do you?

[Cheeseandlobster]

I have just had a friend over who wanted to get out of their house for a bit. She has a step dd who is 14 and who has been behaving badly. Think shoplifting, bullying another girl and being totally disrespectful to her mum.

My friend works very long hours. She only gets a lie in on a Sunday. She is often exhausted and really needs this lie in.

Over the last few months her step dd has been coming into their room and using friends hair straighteners. They are mega effective but old so don't have an automatic shut off. Step dd has been leaving them in her room switched on and then going out. Friend has explained the importance of switching them off umpteen times but step dd has taken no notice. Last week friend said if she did this one more time she would not be using them anymore. She left them on again.

Last night friend and her dh drove round to collect step dd who was staying over. Friend re-iterated the straighteners were no longer available and did she have hers with her. Step dd said no. She was keeping her hair curly.

Step dd was going shopping at a large mall today and was being collected by a friend and her parents at 8.30am as the mall is a drive away. At 7.30am stepdd came barging into the room demanding the straighteners. Friend said no. Stepdd started screaming and shouting and wailing so friends dh went into the drawers, gave her the straighteners and said he wasn't having his dd being so upset. So friend was totally walked over and was too wired and angry for her 1 lie in.

She showed me a text on her phone where her dh had said it was a big fuss over straighteners and why is she making such a big deal over it. Friend went home second guessing herself. And I am raging for her. I tried not to slate her dh but it's not about bloody straighteners at all. I am hoping I can maybe show her this thread at some point if I am right. This is not the first time her dh has let his dd walk all over my friend. For example she has to sit in the back when they drive anywhere as step dd won't sit in the back. And it's their joint car that my friend pays equally for. And her dh gave my friends old iPhone to his dd when she broke hers. He didn't ask if this was OK as he said she didn't use it anymore so what was the problem. My friend had been planning on giving it to her niece. She has a dh problem doesn't she?

[user1471442488]

Like FUCK I would be sitting in the back of a car I pay for while some 14 year old madam sits up front.

Her husband is useless as both a husband and father by the sounds of it. She should not have to deal with such disrespect in her own home.

[Yesitsbess]

It's OK to burn the house down (and possibly kill the neighbours) because they can get the stuff back on the insurance? He sounds like a proper loony!

[chunderwunder]

If your friend drove would her husband sit in the back so that stepdaughter could sit in the front?

If yes, stepdaughter is ruling the roost. If not, the husband's a disrespectful cunt. Either way, who wants this life?

[Capodimonte]

This doesn't solve the overall situation. But with regards to the hair straighteners, I'd take the fuse out the day before. Then when she comes in for them I'd hand them over. As I say it doesn't solve the whole situation, but it saves your friend having to worry.

[waitingpatientlyforspring]

As an adult there is no way I would be sitting in the back of my own car! Tell her to tell her DH to sit in the back and she will drive!

She needs a better hiding place for her straighteners, and one her DH doesn't know. She doesn't really need a good reason to say no to using them but she has one anyway! Just not returning them to her room would be enough for me but risking a fire! Hell no.

[QueenBee52]

He clearly do not appreciate the fire damage Hair Straighteners can cause when left on.... Clown

P.S. DH/DSD/ExWife/DSD Mates will all be having a great chuckle at your friends expense...

[Biblionerd]

I have dated this man, with the spoilt as fuck brat of a DD. She was pandered to at every turn, eventually she decided that she was jealous that daddy was happy when she wasn't with him and we ended up separating. She made the time absolute hell when we were together, in the end it was a relief when we split up. Of course we all understand that our DCs are the most important people in our lives, but they need respectful boundaries and an adult should not be playing second fiddle to them!! Your belongings are yours, not his to give her!!

[MotherOfDemons]

For now, until your friend (hopefully) kicks him and his brat to the curb, can your friend get a safe to put anything and everything her SD loves to borrow in with a key or code only she has/knows? She can lock any paperwork she needs if she does decide to leave him in there too while getting her 'ducks in a row'.

[HaveringWavering]

My friend said when she raised the fire safety issue, he just said that if the house burns down they will just get all new things via the insurance.

This is beyond shocking. The man is a dangerous idiot.

[QueenBee52]

@HaveringWavering

My friend said when she raised the fire safety issue, he just said that if the house burns down they will just get all new things via the insurance.

This is beyond shocking. The man is a dangerous idiot.

wow... just wow

Yes lets just let Fireman risk their lives so He can get a few new items 🙄

[thelionqwueen]

My friend said when she raised the fire safety issue, he just said that if the house burns down they will just get all new things via the insurance.

He can buy new stuff but he can’t buy a new wife if she doesn’t make it out of the house in time if there is a fire.

[boogiewithasuitcase]

You sound like a good friend, OP, at least your friend knows that she can come to you.

[QueenBee52]

@boogiewithasuitcase

You sound like a good friend, OP, at least your friend knows that she can come to you.

this is true.. 🌺🌸

[queenMab99]

I am not normally a vengeful person, but I would smash the straighteners with a hammer rather than let her use them again.

[QueenBee52]

@queenMab99

I am not normally a vengeful person, but I would smash the straighteners with a hammer rather than let her use them again.

🤣😂🤣😂🤣

[Sailor2009]

I would have cut the plug off before I let her use them after that. But I am a petty cow.
Your friend has a massive DH problem. The kids a brat but only because he allows it. And like fuck would I sit in the back of a car that I partially pay for while a teenager who contributes nothing to it sits in the front.

[ChargingBuck]

For example she has to sit in the back when they drive anywhere as step dd won't sit in the back. And it's their joint car that my friend pays equally for. And her dh gave my friends old iPhone to his dd when she broke hers. He didn't ask if this was OK as he said she didn't use it anymore so what was the problem. My friend had been planning on giving it to her niece.

Small wonder the DSS has discipline problems. Friend's DH has taught her it's fine to walk all over friend. He is totally disrespectful.

Friend should not have to live with this level of contempt, deliberate misunderstanding, & undermining behaviour. If she left DH, she could have a lie in every sunday, & not have to worry about someone burning the house down with borrowed straighteners.

[QueenBee52]

Okay...

your friend understand that THIS is not how a relationship works right ?

The balance should not be one sided.. the only person NOT benefiting from this relationship .. is your friend..

She needs to kick him out or leave 🌸

[quizqueen]

I really don't understand why people get into this situation in the first place. You would seen what sort of man he was when you were dating so should have run a mile then, not marry him.

[QueenBee52]

@quizqueen

I really don't understand why people get into this situation in the first place. You would seen what sort of man he was when you were dating so should have run a mile then, not marry him.

agreed 🌸

[ChargingBuck]

@quizqueen

I really don't understand why people get into this situation in the first place. You would seen what sort of man he was when you were dating so should have run a mile then, not marry him.

Sure, human behaviour is totally simple & predictable.

In fact it's so black & white, nobody has any excuse to fall foul of coercive control - I must write to Womens Aid & tell them to stand down, as their services are entirely unnecessary.

[3scape]

Remove the fuse from the straighteners. She needs to get in her car and drive off without these two and their dysfunctional crap!

[AtomHeartMotherOfGod]

Wow. This is so sad to read - your friend is completely in the right but how much are him and his ex wife fucking up their DD?

Sadly would consider divorcing a bloke like her DH; I hope she has some means to do so. Her DH will have to understand the hard way how spoilt his DD is, and how much she spoils life for everyone around her.

It's not entirely his DD's fault and I feel a little sorry for her. By failing to agree boundaries they are pandering to their need to have their DD in their lives, at the expense of her needs for guidance, security, comfort and, in a paradoxical way, freedom. I quite like this article about why teens need boundaries (although I would protest that actually, a lot of worthwhile things happen after 12am).

[LoverOfAllThingsPurple]

After that, I would cut the plug off said straighteners and throw them in a random bin and deny all knowledge. The DH and SD are bang out of order. I hope your friend is ok and please remind her that she was right to do what she did as it was a safety measure too