AIBU to ask how you sleep at night if you’re the other woman?

[DoYouHaveAHeartOfStone]

Got a frantic call from my cousin that she’s caught her husband cheating, gone over to hers & seen that his iPhone is synced to the iPad & photos of a very cosy day out with his fancy woman have pinged over all at once 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ There’s even messages from the other woman saying “I know you have a wife & kids, but I hope you pick me”

It’s easy to always blame the other woman, we are so quick to do it. But F me this is just god awful & I don’t get how you’d sleep at night knowing you are happy to help break up a family? I’d love to hear from “other women” to know how this works in your head? Did you end up staying together? Did he leave his wife for you?

[Shmithecat2]

@Mrsmadevans

My sister had 2 affairs that l know of with 2 men who were married and had children. She helped to split the marriages up and went on to get pregnant by both of them, only to terminate the pregnancies at 24 plus weeks. Nothing wrong with the babies just , changed her mind.
My sister never speaks about it , not a word , she kept the pregnancies secret till she was about 22 weeks , yes l know how didn't we notice trusted her l suppose . Anyway , she has no trouble sleeping at night , she blames the wives & children and is a vile cow .

Where does she live? Certainly not in the UK. Or most other developed countries.

I think I'll file this little anecdote under 'Things That Never Happened'.

[randomwomen]

Lets face it some men are weak, and will always welcome the chance to get a bit on the side .However if women who led them on (and there are many that do) then they are largely to blame and should as you say feel ashamed of themselves

Wow, well that's a misogyny as old as time! Men have no responsibility as they are 'weak' but women have the responsibility to be 'strong' and exercise the self-denial of which those poor men with their poor, weak 'men-brains' are incapable.

Agree, with pp that this is exactly the logic of rape apologists and every women-hurting culture that has ever existed.

[honeybuns007]

[quote DoYouHaveAHeartOfStone]@rosamacrose i’d usually think the same, but it’s legit the truth. The pair of them out by the seaside together kissing & hugging while he’s said he’s at work. Made me sick to my stomach seeing it[/quote]
So they asked people to take photos of them whilst they were snogging? Or they took selfies whilst they were snogging? Seems odd and unlikely

[Mrsmadevans]

@Shmithecat2 it really is true , honestly l have written about this SEVERAL TIMES here , you can check if you don't believe me. She is that horrible .

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe]

[quote Mrsmadevans]@Shmithecat2 it really is true , honestly l have written about this SEVERAL TIMES here , you can check if you don't believe me. She is that horrible .[/quote]
She is definitely unfortunate in having a sister who rants so nastily about her on a chatboard.

Would it not occur to you that there is something going on there? That she needs some help in sorting out the confused and self-sabotaging mess. If she were my sibling that's what I'd be doing.

[UmamiMammy]

My 16 year marriage ended when ex told me about OW. I 100% blamed him not her .............but I also wondered how she could allow herself to be the OW when she herself had been cheated on with OW by her ex.I still can't get my head around how you could put someone else through that pain having been through it yourself???

[dottiedodah]

DrSBaitso How on earth does feeling that a woman who may know/suspect their BF is married and still continue to see him, (Or "carry On" as this is also known is doing the wrong thing and letting down the "Sisterhood" make me a Rape Apologist FFS!? I dont have "Sexist double standards" and would say the same thing about a man if he was out with a married woman! I can hear myself loud and clear! Many friends are divorced ,due to husbands unable to avoid getting their Dicks wet and having some "fun" leaving behind their wives ,homes and children in the wake ! Just looking at Matt Hancock packing up his car watched by the family dog in the papers spoke a thousand words!

[NeedNewKnees]

It's the cheating spouse that's to blame. The one who made a lifelong commitment and betrayed the person they are supposed to love most.

[Kanaloa]

How is a woman largely to blame for a man cheating on his wife? Did she lay out on an ocean rock luring him in by song? Maybe you should get a little bracelet for your husband which says ‘I am married and don’t wish to cheat.’ I have one with my phone number on for my 7yo in case he gets lost, I’m sure that would help if your husband can’t possibly resist the lure of the scarlet women who dot the streets trying to turn his head from you.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe]

@dottiedodah

DrSBaitso How on earth does feeling that a woman who may know/suspect their BF is married and still continue to see him, (Or "carry On" as this is also known is doing the wrong thing and letting down the "Sisterhood" make me a Rape Apologist FFS!? I dont have "Sexist double standards" and would say the same thing about a man if he was out with a married woman! I can hear myself loud and clear! Many friends are divorced ,due to husbands unable to avoid getting their Dicks wet and having some "fun" leaving behind their wives ,homes and children in the wake ! Just looking at Matt Hancock packing up his car watched by the family dog in the papers spoke a thousand words!

Men ARE able to avoid getting their dicks wet from women who are not their partners.

Just how powerful do you think OW are?

By minimising and negating the responsibility of the married partner not to cheat, you are doing a huge disservice to women (and men) who have been cheated on by their spouses.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe]

Kanaloa, I think you should market these, you'd have a ready stream of buyers here.

[Mrsmadevans]

@UmamiMammy

My 16 year marriage ended when ex told me about OW. I 100% blamed him not her .............but I also wondered how she could allow herself to be the OW when she herself had been cheated on with OW by her ex.I still can't get my head around how you could put someone else through that pain having been through it yourself???

I know, it's like there are no barriers , no boundaries , anything goes.
I am so sorry you went through this

[chipsandgin]

He’s the one who couldn’t keep his dick in in pants, the OW is irrelevant (& a bit pathetic obviously), he’s the one who deserves the blame and the guilt.

I’m not, never have been and never would be the OW because I wouldn’t want to be with a cheat or a liar so that counts out snagging men in relationships!

She is obviously morally bankrupt & I’d imagine has very little self-respect or self worth, but the pain & suffering inflicted on this mans family belongs entirely to him, she’s just the wank sock in this scenario which is revolting but it doesn’t make her the perpetrator & isn’t the issue that should keep her up at night. If she loses sleep over anything it should be the question of why she doesn’t feel she is worthy of a relationship with a decent, kind and honest man instead of a grubby duplicitous scumbag like him. His wife & kids are better off without him & any anger specifically about what he has done to his family should be firmly and entirely directed at him not her. If anything I’d pity her & her poor life choices!

[1forAll74]

Lots of women, who are the other woman, don't generally feel guilt,or have sleepless nights about their affairs. The married men they are with, are willing partners for them. I don't think that the so called other women , and the man concerned, will give much thought to what is in the background, when they are entwined together in this situation..

If you are a guilt ridden person, it is not likely that you will put yourself into an illicit position, unless you don't care about any consequences.

[CaptSkippy]

@DinosaurDiana

I am not and never would be ‘the other woman’, but I do know that he’d be an ex-husband if he did that to me.

How would you even know? A man who lies to his wife would just as easily lie to you and you'd be the other woman before you even realized it.

[bogoffmda]

Took 5 posts before someone wrote a pathetic excuse to claim the OW is innocent, not guilty of anything - did not take the vows etc etc.

Irrelevant - believe me every cheated on person male or female - knows their ex DP is responsible for their actions but the OW or OM are not innocent, they all display a loathesome set of moral values and all are wankers.

Not all our ignorant of the facts but they continue in what they do.

COI: EXH had affair with family friend and the one person playing the victim in this is her - she still is!

[randomwomen]

@dottiedodah

DrSBaitso How on earth does feeling that a woman who may know/suspect their BF is married and still continue to see him, (Or "carry On" as this is also known is doing the wrong thing and letting down the "Sisterhood" make me a Rape Apologist FFS!? I dont have "Sexist double standards" and would say the same thing about a man if he was out with a married woman! I can hear myself loud and clear! Many friends are divorced ,due to husbands unable to avoid getting their Dicks wet and having some "fun" leaving behind their wives ,homes and children in the wake ! Just looking at Matt Hancock packing up his car watched by the family dog in the papers spoke a thousand words!

Because you very explicitly and clearly said that women who lead married men on are to largely to blame as men are weak.

Its an argument that has been made over and over to blame rape victims or was used to blame young women who got pregnant when unmarried and you are using it to blame women who have sex with married men. The common thread is that women are being blamed for men's sexual choices as men are 'too weak' to be responsible for their own behaviour.

[DrSeuss]

No matter how tempting a prospect the OW is, the man makes the decision to take the bait. He can walk away or not. Women should not actively pursue someone else's husband but husbands should ignore anyone who is after them.

[Shmithecat2]

@randomwomen indeed. Oh, the poor weak menz!

[dottiedodah]

randomwomen Im sorry but this was never my intention! I think Rapists are appalling and disgusting in equal measure .No woman should feel at fault if she is raped. I simply meant that if a woman knew ,or had the slightest doubt that her BF /someone she liked at work was married or otherwise attached to steer clear.Surely for her own benefit as well! Many (not all) men are weak, and may be flattered and amused by an attractive young woman flirting with them .It most certainly does not give them any right to force themselves on a lady at all!

[DrSbaitso]

@dottiedodah

DrSBaitso How on earth does feeling that a woman who may know/suspect their BF is married and still continue to see him, (Or "carry On" as this is also known is doing the wrong thing and letting down the "Sisterhood" make me a Rape Apologist FFS!? I dont have "Sexist double standards" and would say the same thing about a man if he was out with a married woman! I can hear myself loud and clear! Many friends are divorced ,due to husbands unable to avoid getting their Dicks wet and having some "fun" leaving behind their wives ,homes and children in the wake ! Just looking at Matt Hancock packing up his car watched by the family dog in the papers spoke a thousand words!

You are on the side of rape apologists tbecause you explicitly said that women are to blame if they lead a man on. What do you think rapists say?

And you didn't say the same thing about men. You said they are weak and easily led.

The post is right there for anyone to check. You couldn't even keep your venom consistent. You were completely self-contradictory.

"Obv men are to blame as they are the ones who have broken their vows. Lets face it some men are weak, and will always welcome the chance to get a bit on the side .However if women who led them on (and there are many that do) then they are largely to blame..."

If you don't know what is offensive, ignorant, sexist, misogynistic, hypocritical and rape-apologetic about this vomit-inducing turd of a statement, I and many others do.

You are wrong, plain and simple. Don't like that? Change your attitude. We have no room for it any more.

[Shmithecat2]

@DrSbaitso 👏👏👏

[AcrossthePond55]

He may have been the one who cheated, but I see it like a bank robbery; he may have been the one to actually rob the bank, but she drove the getaway car. Both are guilty.

Any OW who comes on this thread trying to justify their 'position' is a fool. But then again, most OW are fools to begin with.

[sailmeaway]

The OW may have a totally different perspective, been genuinely in love, and has probably been told how awful the wife is, how s/he doesn't really love her anymore and wants to be free, but you know, the kids... and on an on

[dworky]

Better than the man betraying his partner & children I expect!