To think family money is a curse?

[BeatieBourke]

Of course, if your landed gentry and have trust funds coming out of eyeballs there might be more autonomy and independence than the rest of us have...

Similarly, if you're absolutely struggling to feed your family, you'll understandably put up with all sorts for the sake of feeding your kids. I've been there.

But otherwise, being beholden to the dangled carrot of an inheritance, not being able to plan your own future, knowing that other people have the power to make or break your financial security? Nah, you're alright ta. I'll take staying in rented accommodation my whole life and live without holidays/decent cars/other keeping up with the Jones' stuff with whatever tiny buffer I can manage to scrape together from one month to the next and a degree of dignity.

AIBU?

Family money doesn’t have to mean groveling though or being beholden. I will likely receive a decent amount of inheritance in a few years. Nothing crazy, but enough to double my pension. I’m not changing my behavior or in any way counting on it though. If it actually materializes, it will allow me to retire earlier and in more comfort, but I’m not going to live my life thinking about it. I’ve always made my own way in the world. If the holder of the purse strings made unreasonable demands on me I have no problems simply saying no because I don’t need his money.

@jgjgjgjgjg

The vast majority of people these days will end up in a care home and will have little to nothing left to pass on.

That’s simply not true. The majority of people these days do not go into care homes. And those that do have on average a fairly short stay. I would say sadly… but it’s not sad if it’s because they were able to remain independent for a long time.

Yes, the poor poor landed gentry. They have so little money. This is why the only proper Lord and Lady that I know, have to pay their gardeners less than minimum wage, but (as they frequently tell the staff) there is a lot of cachet to be had working for them.
I couldn't work for them, I'd be mixing deadly nightshade berries in with their blackcurrants. Fecking arses.

The vast majority of people these days will end up in a care home and will have little to nothing left to pass on.

In the UK maybe - other parts of the world have different rules regarding care homes.

@PyjamaFan

Neither my DH or I waited for our inheritance, or lived our lives differently in any way.

We quite like the £1m plus that he inherited though, and the house and land it has given us.

Although sorting out probate, 90 years worth of possessions and 2 properties for sale, then paying a massive chunk of tax was a bit of a pain.

A massive chunk of tax implies that someone didn't do any planning down the line, same as care home fees. We took precautions that keeps half of the house out of the mitts of care homes and I'm beginning to divest myself of some money to the family, hoping to live another 7 years!

@Babyroobs
The friend would not use a care home. She hasn't worked for years so would do the caring. Colourful background prevents her from working so every now and then her mother gives her £20k or so from the pot. Years ago (and certainly to make the most if the 7 year rule ) her late father offered to buy her a three bed cottage, but no too small for her tastes! She now lives between her mothers and an estranged partner.
I doubt whatever she eventually inherits it will not be enough. It drives me potty and I know her mother feels pressurised all the time.

@JudgeJ

They did try to plan for this, for example by selling their v big house 20 years previously and gifting large amounts of money to their 5 adult children, enough for each to buy a house outright. The problem was that the smaller house that they then lived in for the rest of their lives increased in value so hugely that inheritance tax was due.

Also @ShitPoetryClub how do they get away with paying less than minimum wage? I'm curious?

@DownstairsMixUp I am dreading having to go through this process. I'm an only, as is my Mum. Nan is 95 and loving life, Mum is unwell. Dad also. I've heard horrible things about dealing with probate and it just occurred to me that we're getting to that age now.

PyjamaFan
Are you really curious to know that? Or are you suggesting I/ they are lying?

£18k for 50+ hours = Below minimum wage. It's not too hard to work out, is it?

@alwayswrighty

If you are a only child it could be easier. No fights! I would suggest you have their wishes conveyed to a solicitor unless you have already done so. Where there's a will there is a relative! My cousin asked me for a silver dressing table set at my fathers funeral. My mother promised it apparently and she had passed away 14 years before!

Thankfully they are smart enough to have done so already. We had that problem when my Nan passed so they are wise to it my cousins were dicks

If your waiting for inheritance that you know will be xxx amount I suspect you’d start living on credit because it doesn’t matter because at some point you’ll pay it off. I’d love to be rich, doubt I’ll ever win the lottery , no rich people in my family, no family now parents are dead. So I’ll just keep plodding along like many others