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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Over not sharing bedroom with dsd

345 replies

Dustydolly · 31/07/2021 23:27

Don't know of I'm being a complete over reacting drama queen here or if my dp is being twatty disney dad.

10 year old Dsd has come to stay for 2 weeks, she shares a room here with her step sibling, has a bed with space for her belongings etc. But she has insisted on sleeping in a blow up bed in my and dps bedroom.

This has been happening quite a lot over the past couple of months, she's woken up in the night saying she's had a nightmare or doesn't feel too well and wants to get in our bed, personally I'm not comfortable sharing a bed with dsd so on these occasions I'll swap beds with her however tonight she has come and said she's staying in our room for the whole 2 weeks. I tried to talk to dp about this and said no, she should be sleeping in her bed and I'm not happy to sleep in a bottom bunk for 2 weeks, Well guess where I am because dsd got her way and dp has just ignored my feelings on it, I suppose it annoys me even more because if my ds (not his child) tries climbing in our bed or there's any mention of him sleeping anywhere but in his bed, in his room, dp throws a hissy fit and says absolutely not, he's in his bed and that's that.
AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 02/08/2021 00:21

@a8mint

The DSD and DP are essentially making the decision that three of them should share a bed. The OP doesn't get a say. That's not right. Op has hada lot more say in the development of this situation than her step daughter, that is for sure. Why are the little girls feelings less important than the Op's?
It’s not that her feelings are less important, it’s that her feelings are not so hugely much more important that they entitle her to the op’s bed.
me4real · 02/08/2021 00:28

I'm not a parent but I would be seriously wondering what's wrong with a ten year old who wants to regularly come and sleep in bed with Daddy as a matter of course. If it were because of some illness/nightmare on a rare occasion, that'd be different.

@Dustydolly Does she display signs of having issues in other ways?

me4real · 02/08/2021 00:28

Let alone sleep in bed with a step parent.

NowEvenBetter · 02/08/2021 01:05

Why not live separately and enjoy dating the boyfriend instead of making all the kids deal with shit like this? PP keep wittering on about ‘husband’, but the guy is just a boyfriend, these are not ‘step children’, they’re kids whose parents are dating. Boyfriend can parent his child, OP can parent hers, on free days they can each shag/argue/whatever they’re in to without dragging the various kids in to it.

QueenBee52 · 02/08/2021 01:09

@NowEvenBetter

Why not live separately and enjoy dating the boyfriend instead of making all the kids deal with shit like this? PP keep wittering on about ‘husband’, but the guy is just a boyfriend, these are not ‘step children’, they’re kids whose parents are dating. Boyfriend can parent his child, OP can parent hers, on free days they can each shag/argue/whatever they’re in to without dragging the various kids in to it.

Oh no .. I never picked up in this either ... sorry OP 👀

so no Husband issue.. bonus

I'd definitely be moving out 🌸

NowEvenBetter · 02/08/2021 01:13

The various kids involved in OP and boyfriends relationship will be from broken homes and have issues of some kind from that, whether it’s trauma, or attachment issues, obviously. The boyfriend might be a bare minimum contact parent, which would cause huge issues with his child. Can’t believe that even needs pointed out, ffs.

NowEvenBetter · 02/08/2021 01:14

(That was in response to whatever posters were droning on about a child actually wanting contact with their parent on contact days.)

NowEvenBetter · 02/08/2021 01:19

Ah, I see this boyfriend was out shagging women last year, so it’s a very new relationship. Best not to force all the kids in to what sounds like a shitshow. Why make life difficult just to have some bloke hanging about?

QueenBee52 · 02/08/2021 02:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread.

AuntLydiasNewHairdo · 02/08/2021 08:03

Wrong thread I think.

Seasidemumma77 · 02/08/2021 08:05

@KatherineOfGaunt

Tell him that you and your DS will be in your room tonight and he and his DD can have the bunk beds? If he says no to that, ask him why is it okay for it to happen the other way round.
This
feelingmehtoday · 02/08/2021 08:14

The various kids involved in OP and boyfriends relationship will be from broken homes and have issues of some kind from that, whether it’s trauma, or attachment issues, obviously.

Wow. This is a pretty impressive (and far fetched) psychological assessment from behind a keyboard. Confused

StrangeToSee · 02/08/2021 08:16

Op has had a lot more say in the development of this situation than her step daughter, that is for sure. Why are the little girls feelings less important than the Op's?

Because it’s OP’s bed, she doesn’t want to share it with a third person, and she has the right to sleep in her own bed with her partner undisturbed?

If one of our DC announced they were sleeping in our bed for a fortnight it would be a swift no, you sleep in your own bed.

I can’t stand sharing a bed with my DC (my own) as they’re so wriggly, and they end up sleeping diagonally across me or putting their feet on my face, then waking me up at 4am because they heard a bird tweeting!

feelingmehtoday · 02/08/2021 08:20

If one of our DC announced they were sleeping in our bed for a fortnight it would be a swift no, you sleep in your own bed.

Exactly! People are only outraged and demanding we think of the "poor" little girl's feelings because she is a from a separated home. If it were their own kids coming into their bedrooms declaring "right I'm sleeping in here with daddy - mummy can you get out of bed", I'd love to see how many say this is appropriate! My guess is not many 🤔

CharityDingle · 02/08/2021 09:23

@NowEvenBetter

Why not live separately and enjoy dating the boyfriend instead of making all the kids deal with shit like this? PP keep wittering on about ‘husband’, but the guy is just a boyfriend, these are not ‘step children’, they’re kids whose parents are dating. Boyfriend can parent his child, OP can parent hers, on free days they can each shag/argue/whatever they’re in to without dragging the various kids in to it.
Exactly.

Plus the OP and boyfriend are only back together a very short time.
Take it for what it is, and see each other without the children. Or bin it off now.

CharityDingle · 02/08/2021 09:25

@NowEvenBetter

Ah, I see this boyfriend was out shagging women last year, so it’s a very new relationship. Best not to force all the kids in to what sounds like a shitshow. Why make life difficult just to have some bloke hanging about?
+1 to this.
NowEvenBetter · 02/08/2021 11:27

feelingmeh you think being from a broken home has no negative impact on a child at all? How strange.

CanofCant · 02/08/2021 11:40

@QueenBee52

Best solution ...

Move out 🎉

Definitely this. Christ, I've just read your other thread and he sounds like a gross pig with his misogynistic assumptions and attitudes about that woman. He doesn't sound very fond of you, he dismisses you without a second thought. Do yourself and your children a favour and get rid of him.
feelingmehtoday · 02/08/2021 12:37

@NowEvenBetter

feelingmeh you think being from a broken home has no negative impact on a child at all? How strange.

I think you need to re read my post.

I said I was astounded by your confident armchair psychologist diagnosis - you stated that these children "obviously" have issues such as perhaps trauma or attachment difficulties. As a professional who assesses and works with people with such difficulties, I can tell you that it typically takes hours of face to face assessment and direct observation of a person to determine issues of this nature. In other words - it's a huge unsubstantiated leap on your part.

QueenBee52 · 02/08/2021 13:31

@feelingmehtoday

there's another Thread???

TheRedHen2 · 02/08/2021 14:29

For the love of god don't post this on the step parenting board!

You will be told to leave the house to accommodate this twattery

You are not being unreasonable!

QueenBee52 · 02/08/2021 14:32

@TheRedHen2

For the love of god don't post this on the step parenting board!

You will be told to leave the house to accommodate this twattery

You are not being unreasonable!

🤣😂🤣

Cadent · 02/08/2021 14:51

Dump the twat!

User57327259 · 02/08/2021 21:28

I am concerned that the boyfriend has moved into your house and is now dictating who sleeps where.
I agree with PP that you should be living apart and just dating not moved in with each other.
Does the boyfriend have a home of his own?

billy1966 · 02/08/2021 22:24

He is insisting on this in the OP's house😲😳?

Unbelievable.

Your poor children moving a bully in.

What on earth are you thinking of OP?

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