Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Over not sharing bedroom with dsd

345 replies

Dustydolly · 31/07/2021 23:27

Don't know of I'm being a complete over reacting drama queen here or if my dp is being twatty disney dad.

10 year old Dsd has come to stay for 2 weeks, she shares a room here with her step sibling, has a bed with space for her belongings etc. But she has insisted on sleeping in a blow up bed in my and dps bedroom.

This has been happening quite a lot over the past couple of months, she's woken up in the night saying she's had a nightmare or doesn't feel too well and wants to get in our bed, personally I'm not comfortable sharing a bed with dsd so on these occasions I'll swap beds with her however tonight she has come and said she's staying in our room for the whole 2 weeks. I tried to talk to dp about this and said no, she should be sleeping in her bed and I'm not happy to sleep in a bottom bunk for 2 weeks, Well guess where I am because dsd got her way and dp has just ignored my feelings on it, I suppose it annoys me even more because if my ds (not his child) tries climbing in our bed or there's any mention of him sleeping anywhere but in his bed, in his room, dp throws a hissy fit and says absolutely not, he's in his bed and that's that.
AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
LatentPhase · 01/08/2021 11:12

‘Dad is not motivated to do that’

Exactly. Crap dad. Crap partner.

me4real · 01/08/2021 11:12

She could be at secondary school in a year and I can tell you if she mentioned this at school it would definitely be reported to the safeguarding lead

@GlencoraP I don't think so.

KatherineOfGaunt · 01/08/2021 11:13

OP, you need to be firm and not leave the bed when she's in it. Claim as much of your half as you can. FFS, I'm fault sorry and plenty of 10-year-olds are a similar size to me. A double bed does NOT fit three people in, in this scenario. After several uncomfortable nights, something will have to give. Stay strong, OP, and continue to use the bed that is yours! If DSD really is scared, then a mattress on the floor in the same room will be enough, she doesn't need to be in your actual bed.

KatherineOfGaunt · 01/08/2021 11:15

fairly short , not fault sorry!

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/08/2021 11:15

@Chloemol

Just tell him you and your child are co sleeping in your room for the two weeks, he and his child can have the bunk beds

He also needs to find out why she is suddenly behaving like this

I think this is the way I'd go. At the momnt, you are the one shouldering the consequences of her action - you are the one giving up your bed whilst he saunters in. Fuck. That. Shit.

If she wants to share a room with daddy, fine. Both of them go in the bunkbeds, your daughter shares the double with you. I realise this means she also has to shoulder the consequences, but she's 15 - I'd explain the situation, that a 10 year old cannot be allowed to rule the household and this is the only way to get him to see sense.

It's shit Sad. He's shit Sad.

GlencoraP · 01/08/2021 11:16

@MyDcAreMarvel are you an SL ? I don’t think it would be dismissed as easily and it is not being a busy body there is a statutory duty to disclose in any area of concern and this is not an odd night in an emergency . I am sure there isn’t a problem but what I am saying is that it could be misinterpreted.

. The parents , mother and father need to sit down and talk with the dd about why she wants this, what is the dm’s take on the situation ? How can they resolve but in my view it is not a 10 year old sleeping with her father and I doubt the mother would want that either

aSofaNearYou · 01/08/2021 11:21

YANBU, his behaviour is highly hypocritical and disrespectful.

feelingmehtoday · 01/08/2021 11:24

@LatentPhase

‘Dad is not motivated to do that’

Exactly. Crap dad. Crap partner.

Yep, that's why my conclusion at 9:33 was to LTB 😂 and I have never before said that on here.

Ebony999 · 01/08/2021 11:24

@me4real

She could be at secondary school in a year and I can tell you if she mentioned this at school it would definitely be reported to the safeguarding lead

@GlencoraP I don't think so.

Utter rubbish
TheMamaYo · 01/08/2021 11:28

Set two air beds up, one for her, one for your ds. Turn it into a free for all. Camping and hanging out in your room for the two weeks. Your dh will soon put a stop to it.

Whether she is allowed in your room or not, is one issue. Treating the children on two different set of rules is an entirely separate issue.

doublemonkey · 01/08/2021 11:29

A 10 year old girl shouldn't be sharing a room with a 15 year old boy.

Good for her for refusing.

feelingmehtoday · 01/08/2021 11:30

@doublemonkey

A 10 year old girl shouldn't be sharing a room with a 15 year old boy.

Good for her for refusing.

🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️
MrsJackGrealish · 01/08/2021 11:30

A 10 year old girl shouldn't be sharing a room with a 15 year old boy.

She isnt. She's sharing with the OP's 15 year old DD, who isnt there half the time.

Zippy1510 · 01/08/2021 11:31

Surely you just tell your DH that you won’t be leaving your room and that if he wants to set up camp with his daughter for the week they can sleep elsewhere. I would not be giving in to the demands of a 10 year old.

feelingmehtoday · 01/08/2021 11:31

Honestly, where are people getting this from that she's sharing with a boy?! It says that literally nowhere 🤷‍♀️

Guiltypleasures001 · 01/08/2021 11:33

What happens if you buy a bigger house, and she still wants to do the same thing?

KatherineOfGaunt · 01/08/2021 11:33

@doublemonkey

A 10 year old girl shouldn't be sharing a room with a 15 year old boy.

Good for her for refusing.

🤣🤣🤣 RTFT!!!!!
KatherineOfGaunt · 01/08/2021 11:35

@feelingmehtoday

Honestly, where are people getting this from that she's sharing with a boy?! It says that literally nowhere 🤷‍♀️
I think because in the OP she never mentioned her own DD. I certainly made the assumption the bunk beds were for the DS and DSD, on the first page, I think.

So many people are reading just the OP, or the first page, and not seeing that there's been plenty of clarification since.

StrangeToSee · 01/08/2021 11:38

Don’t give up your bed!

I wouldn’t let her sleep in it personally. I’d endure she had a mattress or air bed set up in our room, ideally behind a screen for privacy eg a fold out wooden screen. Tell her it’s your bed and you need privacy at night!

If she doesn’t like sharing with your daughter or having a bunk bed fair enough, but she can have a bed in your room. No need for her to get into your bed!

Even my DC don’t sleep in the marital bed, we’ve always discouraged it. If they have nightmares i soothe them and take them back to bed and sit with them a while.

If she keeps trying to get into your bed I’d ignore your husband and keep repeating the bed is too small for 3, she either uses the one on the floor or goes back to her own.

If you don’t put your foot down now she’ll start trying to control other aspects of your life.

blahblahblah321 · 01/08/2021 11:39

@LatentPhase

‘Dad is not motivated to do that’

Exactly. Crap dad. Crap partner.

How do we know Dad isn't motivated to do that? We don't know anything about what is going on and the back ground.

Based on what OP has said, the treatment differences between the children is shit, there's no denying that. However we don't know if there is anything underlying why the daughter is behaving this way? She could just be being a little madam, but she could also have a few issues that need dealing with

feelingmehtoday · 01/08/2021 11:42

@blahblahblah321

OP texted her partner to ask why is dsd not sleeping in her own room, and received the reply "because she doesn't want to".

Does that sound to you like a Dad who is motivated to dig a little deeper, get to the bottom of it, help his dd work towards independence as a pre teen? It doesn't to me. It sounds like "it's happening and that's the end of that".

feelingmehtoday · 01/08/2021 11:43

@KatherineOfGaunt

Ah I see - thank you!

StarryNight468 · 01/08/2021 11:50

@blahblahblah321 She could just be being a little madam, but she could also have a few issues that need dealing with - then why isn't her dad dealing with them? If my dc had insecurities or anxieties I would deal with them instead of letting them control the household.

mbosnz · 01/08/2021 11:52

How about putting a bolster down the middle of the bed. On your half - there's you. On the other half, it's up to your DH how many of them are on it. . .

TatianaBis · 01/08/2021 12:02

I'd check into an airbnb and leave him to deal with the kids.

Swipe left for the next trending thread