Over not sharing bedroom with dsd

[Dustydolly]

Don't know of I'm being a complete over reacting drama queen here or if my dp is being twatty disney dad.

10 year old Dsd has come to stay for 2 weeks, she shares a room here with her step sibling, has a bed with space for her belongings etc. But she has insisted on sleeping in a blow up bed in my and dps bedroom.

This has been happening quite a lot over the past couple of months, she's woken up in the night saying she's had a nightmare or doesn't feel too well and wants to get in our bed, personally I'm not comfortable sharing a bed with dsd so on these occasions I'll swap beds with her however tonight she has come and said she's staying in our room for the whole 2 weeks. I tried to talk to dp about this and said no, she should be sleeping in her bed and I'm not happy to sleep in a bottom bunk for 2 weeks, Well guess where I am because dsd got her way and dp has just ignored my feelings on it, I suppose it annoys me even more because if my ds (not his child) tries climbing in our bed or there's any mention of him sleeping anywhere but in his bed, in his room, dp throws a hissy fit and says absolutely not, he's in his bed and that's that.
AIBU or is he?

[OliviaNewtAndJohn]

Stepchild or not, I suffered from chronic nightmares at age 10-12 and think that your choice of ‘Disney queen or twatty Disney dad’ ignores the possibility that she might be a sad, frightened and displaced little girl needing kindness and reassurance.

[Dustydolly]

She shares a room with my 15 year dd at the moment which isn't ideal but obviously she can't share with my ds, my dd is away at her fathers 50/50 so actually dsd has the bedroom to herself a lot of the time.

We are saving for a bigger house as we do want each child to have a room of their own.

[Chloemol]

Just tell him you and your child are co sleeping in your room for the two weeks, he and his child can have the bunk beds

He also needs to find out why she is suddenly behaving like this

[confusedwithschool]

@radiosummer

Maybe she feels uncomfortable sharing a bedroom with a boy. Or she just wants to be near her dad. Kids should always be put first before partners, I would have thought that was obvious, so just swap rooms for the two weeks.

WHAT??? Are you for real???

I should swap rooms for 2 weeks so she can sleep near her dad??

Even my DC wont do that unless there is a problem and with that I'll be sleeping with them in THEIR bed.

[ZenNudist]

I'd be giving some serious thought to if I wanted to continue in this relationship. His double standard is awful. I cant understand a partner kicking their loved one out of their own room.

Why is he not on the blow up on the floor in dds room? It's so tempting to say you want your room back znd you want it now! obviously you can't do that but tomorrow I'd be reclaiming the room early and refuse to move!!!

[Theunamedcat]

Personally I would be making plans to leave not planning A bigger house with him no-one kicks me out of bed

[Dustydolly]

Dp thinks I should be fine sharing a bed/room with her, personally I'm just not.

I have taken her feelings into consideration hence why when she comes in the middle of the night upset I swap beds with her despite my ds not being allowed to do this, but she hasn't come in upset tonight, she walked through the door, put her stuff in our bedroom and claimed she was sleeping there for the next 2 weeks.

[radiosummer]

confusedwithschool or he can sleep in her room. Either way works. But I dont see the big thing about having to share a bed with your partner rather than your child that wants to be near you. Children's needs always come before any partner.

[Seafog]

I would not allow her to displace you from your bed, or room. Can your do sleep near her in the other room? Also, why is he against your DS being in there, if it is ok for dsd?

[Theunamedcat]

@radiosummer

confusedwithschool or he can sleep in her room. Either way works. But I dont see the big thing about having to share a bed with your partner rather than your child that wants to be near you. Children's needs always come before any partner.

Except when its her child he doesn't count

[misssunshine4040]

@Dustydolly

Dp thinks I should be fine sharing a bed/room with her, personally I'm just not.

I have taken her feelings into consideration hence why when she comes in the middle of the night upset I swap beds with her despite my ds not being allowed to do this, but she hasn't come in upset tonight, she walked through the door, put her stuff in our bedroom and claimed she was sleeping there for the next 2 weeks.

I'm slightly confused as to why you are so uncomfortable sharing a room with her for a fortnight but expect your DP to let your ds co sleep when he wanted etc ... I'm not getting the issue.
I think you need to work out why she's so unhappy sleeping alone in your house

[LoveFall]

I think you are setting a precedent that could backfire in future. You are your husband's adult partner and she needs to respect that. I don't mean her wishes and needs don't matter, but for things like sleeping arrangements, she is the child.

I don't know if you can work this out now, but you should really try. Her "winning" with her Dad over sleeping arrangements and sending you away is a bad outcome.

Surely he can see this?

[Mymapuddlington]

I grew up in a similar situation in that step dad had so many rules for me and strict discipline but when his kids came they could do whatever they wanted. They wound me up so much about it and I felt very pushed out, I felt that mum and step dad preferred the other kids over me. I used to climb into bed with mum when I was scared but that stopped. I was terrified of him.
If ds isn’t allowed in bed, neither should dsd, they need to be treated equally and disciplined equally or it will cause so many future issues.

[radiosummer]

Theunamedcat maybe he feels uncomfortable having a child that isn't his in the bed in case he is accused of something. Not saying it's correct to feel that way but it is a possibility. If this isn't this or some other reasoning then it is selfish on his part.

[MorriseysGladioli]

I couldn't live with such glaringly obvious differences between how your child is treated vs his.
It would eat away at me..
He would be in the bunk bed as from tomorrow, with his daughter close by.
She doesn't need to be in your bed, regardless of whatever issues she has.

[Lorw]

Why doesn’t he go sleep in her room with her? Especially if the 15yo is rarely there anyways?

Nobody should be getting turfed out of their own bed in a home they pay towards.

Why is it the stepmum who always has to compromise (and in this instance basically be told what’s happening) instead of the actual dad of the child? As long as he’s comfy in his own bed ay 🙄

[Dustydolly]

I don't expect my dp to allow my ds to co-sleep, i was making a point of if my ds wakes in the night I'm to take him back to his room to comfort him, dsd gets in the bed and I move.

[SpacePotato]

she walked through the door, put her stuff in our bedroom and claimed she was sleeping there for the next 2 weeks

And you let her instead of saying no you're bloody not. Cheeky little madam.
She is taking the piss.

Seriously though. I would think about your future with them both. Imagine how bad she'll be in her teens if she has this much power over you now.

[TeaAndBrie]

I think you need to have a talk with her and your DH tomorrow to discuss this. Ask her why she is unhappy sleeping alone in your house. Make sure you listen to her and make her feelings heard. However, there needs to be a solution whereby you are the adult in your bed with your partner. Look for inconsistencies in her response but bank them silently.
She is trying to stamp her authority on her dad and your house but you cannot be pushed to the side.
Does she have 1-1 time with her dad when she’s at your house? Maybe more attention from him during the day will make her feel happier to then sleep alone at night.
She is 10, she is pushing boundaries, that’s what children do. But as a step parent and an adult it’s important you push back with what is acceptable and what isn’t.

[SpacePotato]

He would be in the bunk bed as from tomorrow, with his daughter close by

Yep. If she says she's too scared to be without him, let them fuck off to the bunk beds. It's a power play op and she has won.

[frazzledasarock]

You have a ‘D’P problem not so much his DD.

There’s one set of rules for your P’s child and one for yours.

Why on earth do you want to enmesh finances further with this man who ignores your wishes and doesn’t parent his child instead giving her a greater say in the household than you, the joint bill payer as well as his partner.

Are you going to be sleeping on the floor for the next two weeks?

[FortunesFave]

If it weren't for him not allowing YOUR DS to get in your bed, I'd say YABU because the DSD might not like sharing with a teen or she may just be insecure...one of my DDs was.

BUT...him not allowing your DS...well...that's just wrong and your DS WILL notice and feel bad about it.

[PickAChew]

@radiosummer

Theunamedcat maybe he feels uncomfortable having a child that isn't his in the bed in case he is accused of something. Not saying it's correct to feel that way but it is a possibility. If this isn't this or some other reasoning then it is selfish on his part.

So why doesn't he accept Op's feeling about sleeping with a child that isn't hers?

[Notaroadrunner]

@Dustydolly

Dp thinks I should be fine sharing a bed/room with her, personally I'm just not.

I have taken her feelings into consideration hence why when she comes in the middle of the night upset I swap beds with her despite my ds not being allowed to do this, but she hasn't come in upset tonight, she walked through the door, put her stuff in our bedroom and claimed she was sleeping there for the next 2 weeks.

Well you should have taken her stuff back to her shared room and told her that won't be happening. Do not give in to her. As I said previously let herself and dp sleep in the living room if he's adamant she should be in a room with him. Do not give up your bed for her!

[PluggingAway]

I would tell him that your DS has decided he wants to sleep in your bed for the next two weeks and obviously you're going to let him. See what he says.