Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Over not sharing bedroom with dsd

345 replies

Dustydolly · 31/07/2021 23:27

Don't know of I'm being a complete over reacting drama queen here or if my dp is being twatty disney dad.

10 year old Dsd has come to stay for 2 weeks, she shares a room here with her step sibling, has a bed with space for her belongings etc. But she has insisted on sleeping in a blow up bed in my and dps bedroom.

This has been happening quite a lot over the past couple of months, she's woken up in the night saying she's had a nightmare or doesn't feel too well and wants to get in our bed, personally I'm not comfortable sharing a bed with dsd so on these occasions I'll swap beds with her however tonight she has come and said she's staying in our room for the whole 2 weeks. I tried to talk to dp about this and said no, she should be sleeping in her bed and I'm not happy to sleep in a bottom bunk for 2 weeks, Well guess where I am because dsd got her way and dp has just ignored my feelings on it, I suppose it annoys me even more because if my ds (not his child) tries climbing in our bed or there's any mention of him sleeping anywhere but in his bed, in his room, dp throws a hissy fit and says absolutely not, he's in his bed and that's that.
AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
Mymapuddlington · 01/08/2021 15:07

@Gilmorehill why has a 15 year old girl who is there half the time magically turned into a boy?

QueenBee52 · 01/08/2021 15:09

@Gilmorehill

I voted YANBU but then I realised she’s having to share with a boy. That’s not on.
it's not a boy.. the 15yr old who is at her Fathers 50% of the time is a girl..

the younger child is a wee boy..

and there is DSD .. who is a girl and 11yrs old 🌸

QueenBee52 · 01/08/2021 15:10

@MeridianB

Yes!! a8mint has made up a completely new narrative to fit her agenda 🤣

feelingmehtoday · 01/08/2021 15:24

@a8mint

I tbink its a very salient point that singe parents get together and then expect their dcgo be happy being thrown together with stepsiblings - there id a world of difference between this and full or even half siblings who have grown up wth them from newborn. Not understanding this, indicates a huge lack of emotional intelligence (and often even selfishness)

Again. What has any of that got to do with the appropriateness of a TEN year old girl 1) dictating sleeping arrangements in the household, and 2) still being unable to sleep without her father when she is almost at secondary school?

Emotional intelligence would surely dictate that both of the above are not healthy and need to be addressed. By the parents. Not by OP.

Ari202 · 01/08/2021 15:29

I’d be going to stay with friends and family for those 2 weeks. No way would I leave my bed or co-sleep with a 10 year old.

Maddison12 · 01/08/2021 15:49

@Gilmorehill

I voted YANBU but then I realised she’s having to share with a boy. That’s not on.
IT'S NOT A BOY!
CutePanda · 01/08/2021 16:41

PLEASE do not marry or have DC with this man. It sounds like you’ve stood your ground, but your “d”p does not care about your feelings.

I don’t see an issue with a 10yo girl sharing with a 15yo girl especially as they have another bedroom all to themselves at their other parent’s house.

Things will never improve if dsd always gets her way. She’ll become more and more demanding and your “d”p will never factor in your feelings.

Who owns this house?

CutePanda · 01/08/2021 16:45

@a8mint

Why shouldn’t the two girls share a room? Not related, big age difference,, unwelcoming teenage stepsister, doesn't know her very well
5 years is hardly a big age gap. Loads of children share bedrooms.
Musication · 01/08/2021 17:59

Yanbu she is 10, she doesn't get to kick you out of your bed.

Leftphalange · 01/08/2021 18:20

I was undecided until the last sentence.

He needs to treat his children the same or your son will realise

Naunet · 01/08/2021 18:40

I feel sorry for your DSD. I can quite understand why she doesnt want to lodge in your dds bedroom. A non related 15 yer old when she is only 10
she didnt have any say in her parents splitting up and a step family being foisted on her.You and your DP did that, to her. You should be the ones living with the consequences

Yes, it’s a well known fact that letting children do and have whatever they want whilst the (step) parents dance to their tune, is the best way to raise a well rounded adult. 🙄

nimbuscloud · 01/08/2021 18:54

I think it’s relevant how long the op and her dp have been together. Also how many girlfriends and their children the 10 year old may been introduced to. If the op is the latest one and she is expected to share bunk beds with a 15 year old she hardly knows then that is a different scenario to one where the op had been in her life for quite a while and a reasonably stable relationship exists between them. Equally her mother may have had previous relationships where she is also expected to share with more children she doesn’t know
I think it would be useful if the op could give more context.

toocold54 · 01/08/2021 19:14

I was going to vote YABU until I read that your DP wouldn’t allow your DS to sleep in the bed! Totally unacceptable!
You don’t have a SDD issue here you have a DP issue.

Guavafish · 01/08/2021 19:39

I would suggest they both sleep somewhere else.

QueenBee52 · 01/08/2021 19:45

Tell DH and DSD that you and your DS are ALSO sleeping in your bed tonight...

that works Riiiiiiiiggghhhttt 🤔

Wolframhart · 01/08/2021 20:19

Op posted that she only got together with this man in December. There has been no slow introduction, no considered blending of families. No one is putting the kids first in this situation. It’s no wonder this child is uncomfortable and pushing boundaries. If her father is giving in on sleeping arrangements maybe it’s not that he is a pushover, but because he is realizing that he should have actually thought about his daughter at some point along the way.

QueenBee52 · 01/08/2021 20:28

@Wolframhart

Op posted that she only got together with this man in December. There has been no slow introduction, no considered blending of families. No one is putting the kids first in this situation. It’s no wonder this child is uncomfortable and pushing boundaries. If her father is giving in on sleeping arrangements maybe it’s not that he is a pushover, but because he is realizing that he should have actually thought about his daughter at some point along the way.

He's really not going about anything in the way huh 🌸

Theunamedcat · 01/08/2021 20:29

Whose house is it?

feelingmehtoday · 01/08/2021 20:33

@Wolframhart

Op posted that she only got together with this man in December. There has been no slow introduction, no considered blending of families. No one is putting the kids first in this situation. It’s no wonder this child is uncomfortable and pushing boundaries. If her father is giving in on sleeping arrangements maybe it’s not that he is a pushover, but because he is realizing that he should have actually thought about his daughter at some point along the way.

Where does she say that she only met him in December? I've read all OP's posts on this thread and I didn't see that.

feelingmehtoday · 01/08/2021 20:36

@Wolframhart

Can you point to where OP says she only met this man in December?

Wolframhart · 01/08/2021 20:37

It’s on another thread

feelingmehtoday · 01/08/2021 20:42

@Wolframhart

It’s on another thread

Are you referring to the thread dated July 2020, where OP refers to having got back together with an ex boyfriend last December? So presumably December 2019, since that was written in the summer of 2020. And given that she refers having got back together with him, this suggests that they have in fact known each other for longer than since December 2019.

TSSDNCOP · 01/08/2021 20:48

To clarify the arrangement should be:

Room 1 you and DP
Room 2 Your daughter (15) and his daughter (10)
Room 3 Your son (5)

How do the girls get on? Five years is quite a gap and I'd imagine both are having to compromise an awful lot.

What groundwork was laid in advance of the arrangement-were they given a chance to get to know one another, discuss how to arrange their stuff, how they would study?

Is DP's daughter a co-sleeper at her mother's house?

sunriseagain · 01/08/2021 21:38

I don't get it - why doesn't DP share the bunk beds with his DD and your DD shares in YOUR room?

QueenBee52 · 01/08/2021 21:40

Best solution ...

Move out 🎉