Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a witty comeback to uncle dickhead

259 replies

Boxesonwardrobes · 30/07/2021 18:09

Going to a wedding next week and my Uncle Dickhead will make a dig about me being a SAHP. Think “why don’t you get a job and take the pressure off Mr Boxes?”, “when are you going to contribute to society again?”, “haven’t you had enough of a holiday yet?” type thing (all actual examples).

For context, my kids are 5 & 2, previous to being a SAHP I was in academia, and DH earns well so we’re not short of money. My eldest is disabled and has SEN, she’s the reason I’m a SAHP, and me being at home has really helped her. I am her carer, and do lots of voluntary stuff related to her disability. I realise how lucky I am to have been able to make this choice. Everyone in my family is happy with this situation right now.

I haven’t really responded in the past as my mum hates conflict. But he’s such a wanker, I can’t let him keep putting me down in this way.

Any ideas? I’m thinking…

  • I’m more than happy embracing my mediocrity thanks
  • The amount of work involved in raising a disabled child is more than you could possibly comprehend, so mind your own business
  • Fuck off

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
CJSmith2019 · 30/07/2021 20:52

@Wakaranaihito

I always go puzzled and confused. "Why are you saying that, I don't understand." "Why do you want to know that?" "Why? Do you think I'm making a mistake in staying home to look after my children?"
I agree. Also, slightly distracted, not hearing him properly, walking away while asking him to repeat it. Still not hearing it. 😜
Tiana4 · 30/07/2021 20:56

@Dixiechickonhols

Whilst tempting to say fuck off I can understand it’s not always practical at a family gathering. Avoid him. If he asks turn it on him - are you ok Uncle only you ask that very time we meet and I’ve already told you I have a job as a carer for dc. Have you spoken to your Gp about your memory loss?
This ^^
coffeepleeease · 30/07/2021 20:58

2 followed by 3

bigbluebus · 30/07/2021 20:59

If questioned, I just used to reply "Work? I'm far too busy to do that!" and then change the subject or walk away.

Disfordarkchocolate · 30/07/2021 20:59

Just keep it simple and go with option 3. It says all you need to say.

What awsome contribution is he making to society?

Hugoslavia · 30/07/2021 21:01

He is obviously bitter over something and trying to rile you. So be very pleasant but sympathetic. If he doesn't have children, nod sympathetically and then say, 'oh, well you wouldn't really understand then'. If he has children, ask when his wife returned to work. If early, then say, "oh, did she not enjoy motherhood then?". If he says that she had to go back, then again say, "Oh, that is a shame, I had no idea!" as though he was unable to provide for his wife. If he comments how she wanted to pull her own weight, comment how wonderful it is that you don't have to live up to your husband's pressure etc. If he mentions holidays, say how lucky you are to just be able to appreciate the simple pleasures of a British beach holiday etc. Whatever he throws at you, just express sympathy towards him, as though you could not wish for a more perfect life and that anything other than the way you lead your life must be terrible. It will annoy the fuck out of him. He will hate having the tables turned on him and of course, he won't really be able to slag you off as you've not actually been rude to him,just sympathetic. It's very hard to prove that someone has been deliberately sympathetic/patronising. 😉

GrandmaSteglitszch · 30/07/2021 21:01

wow I'm going to go and look at that chair and just walk off.

Grin Excellent.

SheSaidHummingbird · 30/07/2021 21:02

“Why don’t you get a job and take the pressure off Mr Boxes?”

"My role as a mother looking after my child is the most fulfilling and most important job I can have right now. Maybe one day, you might do something meaningful, and then you'd understand."

“When are you going to contribute to society again?”
"I give the world to my children every day. I give back to society through voluntary work. Tell me, what is it that you do Uncle F*ckwit?"

“Haven’t you had enough of a holiday yet?”
blank stare "What's a holiday?"

RosesAndHellebores · 30/07/2021 21:11

I don't have to because I had the intellect to marry a brilliant chap and if he's happy, I'm happy. Oh, and money isn't a problem. And internally think oh do fuck off you narrow minded, bigoted bastard.

CasaBonita · 30/07/2021 21:13

Ok more info needed to give a better retort! Is he married? Kids? What does he do for a living?

If it were me, I would loudly announce "Oh Uncle dickhead, I really cannot stand you, stop prying into my life. It's none of your business and I don't have to explain a damn thing to you"

youdoyoutoday · 30/07/2021 21:13

Please update us next week on your interaction with this wonderful uncle of yours!

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 30/07/2021 21:14

I find “I know, why don’t you try looking after DD for a day and see how you get on?” tends to shut people up.

skodadoda · 30/07/2021 21:17

But I would like to shame him somewhat
Could you somehow involve DH when Uncle Dickhead starts with this shit?
Or, invite him to spend a day in your shoes.

Hugoslavia · 30/07/2021 21:17

Btw, I suspect that he's a misogynistic little man with a chip on his shoulder. He probably thinks that, "them feminists bleat on about equality, but then don't actually want to work and pay their own way". I reckon that he's threatened by women. And that's why you could have a bit of fun at his expense.

Jesusmaryjosephandtheweedon · 30/07/2021 21:22

I like the 'fuck off' option but I'd probably go with....that's really none of your business. And engage no further.

CSIblonde · 30/07/2021 21:29

If your silent death stare with lingering eye contact isn't as good as it could be ( mine makes vile people wither ) I'd go with "When are you going to get empathy & compassion for a disabled child who needs constant care ". Or, "So you expect me to Ieave my disabled child in the care of others all day long." Then walk away.

Tomatobear · 30/07/2021 21:35

I would hazard a guess that a SAHM brought him into this world.. twat.

Notmoresugar · 30/07/2021 21:46

Not again - you've always been a sad jealous wanker.

Are you aware you're an embarrassment to the family.

For once in your life stop being such an ignorant twat.

Your jealousy of our wealth is very ugly.

feb2022 · 30/07/2021 21:56

Just say fuck off you shit gobbling arsehole!

bettytaghetti · 30/07/2021 22:05

I like Beachtrip's response on the first page or you could reply with "Has MrBoxes asked you to have a word with me? No? Then it's none of your fucking business, is it?"

ClemDanFango · 30/07/2021 22:05

Don’t explain yourself to him. That’s exactly what he wants-to make you feel like you answer to him/owe him and explanation.”
My strategy would be to say “hmm? What was that Uncle?” Make him repeat it then say “hmm, sorry what?” Make him repeat again and “hmm? Say it again?” Do this until he realises you’re deliberately making him repeat himself like some sort of idiot. Then laugh and walk away.

Couldhavebeenme2 · 30/07/2021 22:38

@SquashMinusIsShit

The amount of work involved in raising a disabled child is more than you could possibly comprehend, so fuck off
This.
likeafishneedsabike · 30/07/2021 22:42

@wildseas

I agree with pp - I would assume that his enquiries are with a view to offering childcare in order to support you. Take a diary and start discussing days. Loudly praise his “support “ to his partner, your parents, your d h. Offer to send him links to the info he will need to know for your eldests disability. If he refuses look confused and say “but you’ve been encouraging me to do this for years. Why would you refuse to help now?” In a hurt voice. Keep it going all evening......
Gold.
LemonFantaGin · 30/07/2021 23:11

Who made you my fucking manager

loosingmymarbles · 30/07/2021 23:54

Why don't you try looking after a child with a Disability ?? because it's a damn lot harder then going to bastard work, so how's about we swap roles and il go to work for you for me a ducking day off- as you'd not last 2 seconds doing what I do!!! """

My response as a SAHM with 2 disabled children, people don't understand how hard it bloody is! Mentally, emotionally, physically you never get a break like ever. As much as I'd never change my baby's for the world. I'd love a job stacking shelves and to have a normal conversation sometimes doing something normal.