To want a witty comeback to uncle dickhead

[Boxesonwardrobes]

Going to a wedding next week and my Uncle Dickhead will make a dig about me being a SAHP. Think “why don’t you get a job and take the pressure off Mr Boxes?”, “when are you going to contribute to society again?”, “haven’t you had enough of a holiday yet?” type thing (all actual examples).

For context, my kids are 5 & 2, previous to being a SAHP I was in academia, and DH earns well so we’re not short of money. My eldest is disabled and has SEN, she’s the reason I’m a SAHP, and me being at home has really helped her. I am her carer, and do lots of voluntary stuff related to her disability. I realise how lucky I am to have been able to make this choice. Everyone in my family is happy with this situation right now.

I haven’t really responded in the past as my mum hates conflict. But he’s such a wanker, I can’t let him keep putting me down in this way.

Any ideas? I’m thinking…

• I’m more than happy embracing my mediocrity thanks
• The amount of work involved in raising a disabled child is more than you could possibly comprehend, so mind your own business
• Fuck off

Thanks in advance

Concerned look
Head tilt
Gentle smile

"well, bless your heart"

Walk away........

By the way, OP, couldn't you legitimately say 'I've already made more than a lifetime's contribution to humanity during my academic career/research'. Now it's time to focus on family and support my DD.

I'll get a job the day you learn to mind your own business, so when hell freezes over 🙄🙄🤣🤣

ready to be mean OP? in an innocent way!
Hi Uncle dickhead how are you? ugh Slight cough by you ..lean in ..I am so sorry to say this but i have to agree with everyone else here..your halitosis really needs to be looked into to sorry..turn and walk away ..fast! Poor bugger it will be months before he dare open his gob again lol and if you watch carefully you will see him breathing into his palm to check!!!!!

I like option 2 but if he carries on about it throw option 3 at him.

Fuck you, you old fucking wanker.
👍🏼

Definitely don’t justify something that is none of his business, I’d go with rolling my eyes, saying “I told my DH you’d mention my lack of job within 30 minutes of seeing me and I was right” then walk off.

I also have an Uncle Dickhead, as PP’s have already said, a good “Fuck Off” usually does the trick, although if I was brave enough I’d say to mine “I’ll go back to work when you stop advertising yourself on swingers websites with your knob hanging out!”

But I’m not that brave as the fallout would be nuclear but fantastic entertainment!

But I would like to shame him somewhat, as I want it to stop now. Because while I know 100% it’s been the right thing for our family, it’s something I can’t help but feel insecure about.

@Boxesonwardrobes I think I would reply about your LOs, one with disabilities. Say you would offer for him to have them for a day to see what it's like, but you know he couldn't handle it. And maybe a 'who asked you for your opinion anyway?'

‘Why don’t you get a job and take the pressure off DH’

‘Well you know that’s not possible with DD so I can only assume you’re offering financial help? Thank you SO MUCH’

‘Why don’t you start contributing to society again’

‘Gosh can you believe there are still people in the world who determine their value as a person by how many hours they spend out of the house?? What a sad, unfulfilling life people like that must lead’

or just get in first....hi uncle dickhead here I am your very own drain on society how are you my darling...twinkly laugh

I always go puzzled and confused. "Why are you saying that, I don't understand." "Why do you want to know that?" "Why? Do you think I'm making a mistake in staying home to look after my children?"

"Do you realise how much of a cunt you're being when you say things like that?"
Or:
"Fuck off and mind your own business"
Say either (or both) as loud as you dare.

To Uncle Dickhead when he says his piece, go for a silent blank stare for 3 seconds, then say, 'What a spiteful thing to say, seriously what a spiteful thing.' then go silent waiting for his response, then just follow with a silent nod of the head and walk away.

Are you offering childcare, great I'll start looking.

In a stage whisper:
What you don't understand dearest Uncle is that Mr Boxes is a big man- at work and at home. Unlike yourself, he requires a really full-time wife.

I think I'd just gaze at him for a second with a wry smile and say "they really weren't wrong about you" very gently, then walk away and avoid.

Grasp his hand and shake it with excited enthusiasm:
Thank-you so much Uncle. There is a competition running for the meanest/most petty/foolish /sexest remark heard today - and that one is a winner!

Good grief, this again? Havent you managed to come up with a more interesting topic of conversation yet? You ask this every time I see you. It really is quite boring. Especially when it’s nothing to do with you. Are you still stuck in that underpaid job waiting for a promotion that will never come? Oh look, there’s a space at the bar - must dash.

Lots of good responses here. As I have an awful resting bitchface even when I'm happy, I'd just give him a long stare and walk off.

However, I just came to give you some and say that I empathise. I've only just been able to get back to (PT) work after many years home for my ASD DS, and I know the feeling you're experiencing. It's awful to feel that way.

Just say hilarious and walk off.

So many fab suggestions 😂

Hopefully you’ll be wearing heels and can ‘accidentally’ skewer his foot!

Muuuuummmmmm your brothers being a dick again

'ooh that took (look at watch) 2 and a half minutes. I'll have to check who won the bet. I thought it would be at least five minutes before you started on that old chestnut again!'

is he a retired benefit scrounger?