to ask how you deal with foreign names?

[pocpocpoc]

I am going through a bit of soul searching and just trying to understand...

I have a foreign name, which is very short and pretty meaningful to me (I guess all names are meaningful to their owners). I've been with my English DH for over 20 years and no one in his family can get my name right.

Imagine my name was Bjork. The Christmas cards would say: Bork, Biork, Bok, Barca, Orca, Karma, Beth, some random Icelandic-sounding words. Not Bjork. To make it worse, same people use different spellings at different times.

My name is not Bjork, but it is only five letters. It is very easy to check on FB, Whatsapp, LinkedIn, even google. Obviously, I always sign with my correct name when I message them.

To prevent potential lines of questioning, I don't know any of them to be dyslexic, most of them are at least degree educated, most of them work in the types of organisations, where unconscious bias training is compulsory. Many speak foreign (European) languages, they have European cousins and most are reasonably well-travelled. Also, I have observed the family taking spellings very seriously when it comes to Western names. For instance, when DS was born and we gave him a Western name, there was a lot of interest in what specific spelling we would use for him.

We challenged a couple of friendlier relatives. One said that they just find it very very difficult to 'comprehend' my name, because it is so foreign and exotic and just 'doesn't roll off the tongue'. Another one said it was DH's fault for not teaching my name to them properly - DH tried in earlier years and then gave up. Apparently, they didn't realise I took it so personally. Recently, I messaged back a person who yet again got my name wrong giving them the right spelling- I received no response.

Can someone please give me an insight? What do you think is going on? Do you find foreign names difficult? Is it a huge drag to check and potentially copy a spelling of a foreign name? Would you just use a random combination of letters or random foreign-sounding words to address someone?

I want to understand before I judge.

AIBU to find this upsetting?

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I would like to know what your name really is if none of your students ever could say it. Because I've never come across a name no one could pronounce

I'm not going to tell you my name. I like my username and I'd feel I'd have to change it if I told my real name. But it's a name every English speaking country native would recognise - and native speakers would say correctly, obvs, I can think of a couple of famous people with the name, but it's not very popular at the moment. I never think of my students as being racist for not saying it right but maybe I'm very chill. It's just interesting to me that other people are saying that I'm a victim of racism. What country are you from and I'll tell you if I had a student from there.

I know you wouldn't 😁 I wouldn't say mine either😁

@Moelwynbach

This pisses me off its a refusal to remember your name properly and can be pretty racist I think. It's not hard to call people by their name and make an effort to learn the correct spelling.

Can one assume that your first sentence applies to all names or only a certain subset of names?

Completely relate to this.

I have a foreign spelling of an English name. It is also pronounced differently in the other country. Yet still have friends/colleagues and in-laws still writing my name incorrectly and mispronouncing it.

I wince every time they butcher it. I've found that Europeans, Scottish etc all mange to pronounce my name correctly it's always just the English - even when I correct them