To expect DH to take a day off so I can work

[LizzieLookAtTheFlowers]

I am self employed and WFH. My husband is employed out of the home. Both our incomes are necessary to survive but DH earns more than me. I just won a new contract that means our incomes will be roughly equal even though I work part time and he works full time.

We live near DH's parents and far from my family. His parents are reluctant to provide childcare but do once a week. Begrudgingly. They don't want to look after our children in the holidays as its all 3 not just the baby. I have asked to move near my family but DH doesn't want to as he dislikes the area they live in. Even though I would have a lot of support and childcare.

I have had some tough deadlines this week and absolutely no childcare as MIL booked appts and wouldn't have the children. I asked DH if he could take a day off to look after the kids, would need to be sick leave as he can't take holiday at last minute. He has taken no sick leave in over a year. He wouldn't do it. I missed my deadline and lost the contract that is worth £1,600 per month to us and he is blaming me for not getting up at 5am every day to finish it. And wants me to lie to my client that we had a family emergency and ask for mercy.

I am breastfeeding our baby and up all through the night. I get very little sleep anyway and she wouldn't sleep if I am not in bed she wakes up crying if I go to the loo. If I got up at 5am she would just be up with me. And do I really have to look after kids all day on my own, snatch moments to work during babies native in the say then work when they are in bed, breastfeed all night and get up at 5am to work too? While he gets to go to work and have his kids looked after 11 hours a day without a care in the world?

We cannot really afford childcare it would eat into our earnings and make me working pointless.

In short AIBU to have expected my DH to pull a sickie to look after his kids so I could work to secure a contract that means financial stability for us long term? Especially because its his mum who has refused us childcare. Is it my problem because I'm self employed and he gets precedence because he has an employer?

@Datingandnoideahowto

I wasn’t being condescending. I have read every post on the thread.

I even bloody defended you from one of the why have another baby posts. Wish I hadn’t bloody bothered to be honest.

I think its probably fairly obvious why I'm a little sensitive given how often I have had to repeat myself over the same things, like saying so many times he has been refused dependent leave because he has a wife at home.

I don't have to though do I. I can, and should, just walk away.

You’re being aggressive now so I’m out.

Good luck.

OP,

I really hope you can sort that utter waste of space you are married to and as for your MIL, I think you have every right to be seriously pissed off with being let down by her too.

Neither your husband nor his family care a whit.

Start planning to move home and in the meantime, go zero tolerance on that waster.

Do absolutely NOTHING for him.

I think it would have been fairly obvious to his employer he'd lied.

@Phineyj

I think it would have been fairly obvious to his employer he'd lied.

How?

Because they'd denied the previous two types of leave and in my experience employers are suspicious of one day sick leaves.

@LizzieLookAtTheFlowers I think that you are getting a hard time on this thread (I wish people would read your posts properly).

Look I get why you asked him. I get his reluctance as well. However, he could of tried to arrange childcare, with friends/his sister etc to look after HIS children.

Personally, I think you have a massive DH problem here. He doesn’t want to move closer to your family (who you said would help you both), but then expects you to facilitate him working and to fit your career around your DC. I bet also, it is you who wakes in the night with the DC and who taxi’s them to X,Y and Z.

Going forward:

He needs to get another job because his current place are misogynistic. Why the fuck they thought it okay to deny leave, because the other parent WFH….? By law he IS allowed to take parental leave.

I wouldn’t rely on your Mil ever again and l would pay for childcare (nanny maybe a few days a week).

I would also have a frank discussion with him, in regards to the division of wife work!

How? Because he'd just been asking for and been refused two different types of leave. It would be really obvious.

@Porcupineintherough

How? Because he'd just been asking for and been refused two different types of leave. It would be really obvious.

Oh. No you have the wrong end of the stick. He asked for dependent leave ages ago when our kids had to self isolate from school and was told no. He asked for a day holiday in Jan when I had a medical procedure and was refused as only 5 days notice. So I'm talking about precedent of saying no the other times he has asked for depend leave or last minute holiday. There is no relation to this occasion, wouldn't be obvious in the slightest.

Ah, sorry, misunderstood. I see where you are coming from now.

@Penistoe

An emergency one off childcare day would be £50 ish , wouldn’t that have been worth the £1500 a month???

If all day then nearer £150 but agree we’ll with any childcare cost

*well worth