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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanting a wage for playing with his granddaughter

464 replies

Bigdisappointment · 28/07/2021 14:01

This is what my dad ‘Joked’ well, he wasn’t laughing about today.
Parents come to stay with us, he was playing with toddler Dd, she always wants to play with him. He played for a bit, then stood up and said he was going to the bank to get his wage. Confused, I asked ‘Wage for what?’ He said ‘For this’ meaning playing/looking after Dd,
Aibu to feel hurt that he obviously begrudges spending time with her, I'd rather he didn’t if he didn’t want to.
How involved are your parents with your kids? Feel disappointed in mine a lot.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigdisappointment · 28/07/2021 14:50

@Doubledoorsontogarden No, nothing like that, just didn’t want to I think

OP posts:
breakfasty · 28/07/2021 14:50

@Bigdisappointment

And now I’m the one lay upstairs in my bed with Dd, trying to get her to nap, so they can have a break downstairs 🤷🏻‍♀️
Well yes, you're her parent
EKGEMS · 28/07/2021 14:50

"Fine,Dad I'll deduct it from the bill for your stay-checkout time is noon Sunday"

SupermanWithTheGreyHair · 28/07/2021 14:50

Well if he was serious and there was resentment behind the comment, I’d tell him to fuck off back to his own house, he doesn’t have to stay in your home. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Bigdisappointment · 28/07/2021 14:52

@GreyhoundG1rl I wasn’t lying back, relaxing and I didn’t realise I was being cheeky or taking advantage in any way, I honestly assumed that he’d want to spend time with her.

OP posts:
Wingedharpy · 28/07/2021 14:52

How long have they been with you?
Arrived yesterday? - you may have a point.
Arrived 6 weeks ago? - he's knackered.

Tuba437 · 28/07/2021 14:52

If they are anything like my kids then I don't blame him. Children can be very full on and exhausting for me let alone my parents.

GreyhoundG1rl · 28/07/2021 14:52

And now I’m the one lay upstairs in my bed with Dd, trying to get her to nap, so they can have a break downstairs 🤷🏻‍♀️
Ah, come on now op! You can't be serious? You're not coming across very well here at all.

Original poster
Bigdisappointment · 28/07/2021 14:52

@breakfasty Yes, I mean I’m trying to keep my own child out of their way in my and her her own house, so that they can have some quiet and relax!

OP posts:
FatCatThinCat · 28/07/2021 14:53

What a mean thing to say. Yes toddlers are hard work and some people don't enjoy playing with them (I'm one) but saying what he said was nasty. He could have just said he was going to stretch his legs and gone for a walk without being cruel.

Original poster
Bigdisappointment · 28/07/2021 14:54

@GreyhoundG1rl Very serous. Fighting with my daughter to nap so that can sit quietly and watch the news, not the things she wants to and to not come down and make a noise and play..in my own home

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigdisappointment · 28/07/2021 14:54

@Wingedharpy 3 weeks..and yep..I’M knackered

OP posts:
Abracadabra12345 · 28/07/2021 14:54

@BabyDubsEverywhere

45 minutes of my own toddler's play made me want to stick my head in the oven. Many people don't enjoy it at all and only suffer it for their own kids sake.

Your toddler doesn't understand social cues yet - it a parents job to manage their expectations and to ensure they aren't monopolising other people's time. Perhaps you missed some of your dad's cues that he'd had enough of toddler time and someone else should have joined in a bit, too?

^ This
Wingedharpy · 28/07/2021 14:55

Did you invite them or did they invite themselves?

UrgentExit · 28/07/2021 14:55

What was your own childhood like @Bigdisappointment Would you say he was a nice father? was he interested in you as a child at all?

My own father wasn't very present in my childhood but adored his grandchildren and would devote any amount of time to playing with them. The same went for my mother. My in laws on the other hand had absolutely no interest in our family. It's just the kind of people they were and it was very hard not to take that personally.

When are your parents going home?

FatCatThinCat · 28/07/2021 14:55

[quote Bigdisappointment]@GreyhoundG1rl Very serous. Fighting with my daughter to nap so that can sit quietly and watch the news, not the things she wants to and to not come down and make a noise and play..in my own home[/quote]
Go down and make noise and play in your own house. If they want peace and quiet they can go and sit in their room, or out to a cafe, or fuck off home.

Zilla1 · 28/07/2021 14:55

That's upsetting, OP. Unfortunately, I guess now you know and I suspect your DM knows you know. I suppose you need to understand the same for your DM, that is how much she contact she wants with your DD. It could be from lots as she doesn't see much of you both and she has a heart and she's annoyed with your DF because she's scared he's upset you now you know what he likes to the same as your DF.

Focus on your DD and perhaps scale back on the day trips that benefit your guests and catering for them if it takes too much time from your DD or carry on for this visit to keep the peace then re-assess the next time they want to stay. Enjoy your time with your DD.

It's a shame for your DD and ultimately your DF's loss but you can't make someone like spending time with your DD. My parents loved DGCs beyond measure but as you can see from PPs, some adults don't. Some think they'll enjoy time when the DGC are older and IME are then annoyed and surprised that the DGC with whom they've made no effort don't magically want to spend lots of time with them.

Good luck.

breakfasty · 28/07/2021 14:56

I seee sorry! 3 weeks sounds like too long for everyone really.

MoonlightWanderer · 28/07/2021 14:56

They've been there for 3 weeks!?

Oh, dear. I love my parents dearly but it is hard spending that long with them. They just aren't used to being around kids anymore and find it hard work. I think they need their space and it is a lot of extra work for me as well, even though they don't see it that way.

How much longer are they staying? Maybe try to keep visits shorter in the future, even though I'm sure that's hard to suggest.

ChaBishkoot · 28/07/2021 14:56

But there’s a difference between giving them a break by forcing her to nap and not expecting them to play with her. I don’t expect anyone to look after my kids other than myself (or people we play to do so). You have this vision of your dad as someone who will find the time he spends with your daughter to be magical. He doesn’t. He finds it dull.
He told you that in a roundabout way.
Is offering childcare part of the deal for visiting your house?
And he’s not being mean to her or anything. He doesn’t enjoy playing with a small child. That’s ok isn’t it?

Original poster
Bigdisappointment · 28/07/2021 14:57

@FatCatThinCat It really hurt. Was he trying to say I was taking the piss too? Really don’t feel like running around and making his dinner..perhaps I should ask for a wage for doing that for almost 3 weeks. Sorry, when it comes to Dd it just stings, never want her to feel or sense any rejection

OP posts:
Wingedharpy · 28/07/2021 14:57

3 weeks!!!
There's your answer OP.
They've been with you far too long.
3 days maximum for visitors otherwise it gets too fraught.
No wonder you're all knackered.

breakfasty · 28/07/2021 14:57

Go down and make noise and play in your own house. If they want peace and quiet they can go and sit in their room, or out to a cafe, or fuck off home. I agree with this. Apologies I had assumed your toddler wanted a nap. It's her home so just carry on as you would.

SheABitSpicyToday · 28/07/2021 14:58

I wouldn’t want to spend 45 minutes playing with my own kid let alone someone else’s Grin

Sorry but I don’t expect to babysit when I visit peoples houses.

SupermanWithTheGreyHair · 28/07/2021 14:58

Hotel next time. Wink

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