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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanting a wage for playing with his granddaughter

464 replies

Bigdisappointment · 28/07/2021 14:01

This is what my dad ‘Joked’ well, he wasn’t laughing about today.
Parents come to stay with us, he was playing with toddler Dd, she always wants to play with him. He played for a bit, then stood up and said he was going to the bank to get his wage. Confused, I asked ‘Wage for what?’ He said ‘For this’ meaning playing/looking after Dd,
Aibu to feel hurt that he obviously begrudges spending time with her, I'd rather he didn’t if he didn’t want to.
How involved are your parents with your kids? Feel disappointed in mine a lot.

OP posts:
breakfasty · 28/07/2021 14:14

he often passes her off to other people, when she so clearly wants to play with him he doesn't want to play with her so stop leaving her with him

Original poster
Bigdisappointment · 28/07/2021 14:14

@Xmassprout Yes, obviously he doesn’t really want a wage. He implied that he should be paid as he was the one with her (she was playing so happily with him and not even for that long)

OP posts:
powershowerforanhour · 28/07/2021 14:15

He wasn’t joking, he was pissed off, said she should play with myself or grandma and went off for a walk

Is keeping an eye on and entertaining a small child for half an hour a vagina job as far as he's concerned? Did you fail to throw him enough adulation cookies for being absolutely amaaazing with her or neglect to thank him profusely for single handedly amusing her for longer than 14 seconds?

Tiddleztheelephant · 28/07/2021 14:16

@Bigdisappointment

He wasn’t joking, he was pissed off, said she should play with myself or grandma and went off for a walk
Sounds like he was trying to say in a nice/lighthearted way that he doesn't want to be constantly left to entertain her and that's fair enough isn't it? She's your child and therefore your responsibility. It doesn't sound like he's ignoring her, just that he only wants to play for a short amount of time and then go and fo something else. I can't see why you have a problem with that?
Original poster
Bigdisappointment · 28/07/2021 14:17

@breakfasty He’s not ‘Left’ with her, they’re staying with us, at our house, she lives here

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigdisappointment · 28/07/2021 14:18

@NotMaryWhitehouse I know, I think it’s weird also, who says that

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 28/07/2021 14:18

All the people saying it was a joke when they don't know you or your dad are incredible! I think you know whether he was joking or not and it sounds pretty clear that he wasn't joking.
That's really sad. So are they actually staying in your house at the moment?

Original poster
Bigdisappointment · 28/07/2021 14:19

@Tiddleztheelephant He’s not constantly left with her, they’re staying with me at my house, she always wants to play with him, do I say ‘Grandad doesn’t want to play with you?’ 🤷🏻‍♀️Can’t escape my own house

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigdisappointment · 28/07/2021 14:20

@rainbowstardrops Yes, here at the moment.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 28/07/2021 14:21

The thing about jokes is, they're funny....

Yes, playing with kids can be hard work. It's assigned no monetary value because it's usually done by women. Does your DF think your DM (let alone you) should be paid for it?

Tiddleztheelephant · 28/07/2021 14:21

s keeping an eye on and entertaining a small child for half an hour a vagina job as far as he's concerned? Did you fail to throw him enough adulation cookies for being absolutely amaaazing with her or neglect to thank him profusely for single handedly amusing her for longer than 14 seconds?

You've instantly jumped to sexism here but how??
Where is Grandma in all this? Why wasn't toddler dd playing happily with her too?
This sounds much more like a miss match of expectations of what Grandparents should be expected to do.
Playing with a toddler is tiring and often boring. Am awful lot of grandparents feel that they've served their time with their own toddlers and don't particularly want to spend hours crawling around the floor.

Original poster
Bigdisappointment · 28/07/2021 14:23

@Tiddleztheelephant They’re not expected to do that, they don’t have to do anything they don’t want to. But why bother to come and stay and not expect to do that? We live here, my Dd loves her grandparents

OP posts:
KaptainKaveman · 28/07/2021 14:23

Yes but he's staying in the OP's house - the least he can do is help out with a bit of childcare.

picklemewalnuts · 28/07/2021 14:24

[quote Bigdisappointment]@Tiddleztheelephant He’s not constantly left with her, they’re staying with me at my house, she always wants to play with him, do I say ‘Grandad doesn’t want to play with you?’ 🤷🏻‍♀️Can’t escape my own house[/quote]
Say 'grandad's tired now, play with me'. 'Play a different game now' 'play on your own for a bit so the grownups can have a chat/rest'.

Honestly, you don't have to be mean to or about either of them. Just work with it.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 28/07/2021 14:24

I don't understand the people saying it was obviously a joke. They weren't there or know what good sense of humour is like!
How long had he been playing with her for when he said it? I am very aware of how long my DD plays with her DDGF as I don't want him to feel like he's not getting a break.
Such a shame that he said what he did. He could have worded it differently if he wanted a break.

frazzledasarock · 28/07/2021 14:24

Are you the one who’s parents came to stay despite you not being happy about it and had the upset with your mum about not letting your dd out as the garden gate isn’t usually locked?

If so your parents aren’t terribly nice to you or interested in your child are they?

Original poster
Bigdisappointment · 28/07/2021 14:24

And now I’m the one lay upstairs in my bed with Dd, trying to get her to nap, so they can have a break downstairs 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
KaptainKaveman · 28/07/2021 14:24

OP you should ask him what he thinks he ought to be earning for looking after her. Then offset it against the rent you intend to start charging.

BoxHedge · 28/07/2021 14:25

I would be really hurt too. Of course he’s not literally asking you for money, that’s hardly the point 🙄

MotherofTerriers · 28/07/2021 14:25

I'd just reply with "of course you get a wage, but its less than my charge for your bed, breakfast and evening meal, I'll make up the bill before you leave"
It sounds like you know it wasn't a joke. If he doesn't like the company of his grandchild maybe suggest your mum comes without him next time. Don't let him make your little one feel rejected, its her home

Tiddleztheelephant · 28/07/2021 14:25

[quote Bigdisappointment]@Tiddleztheelephant He’s not constantly left with her, they’re staying with me at my house, she always wants to play with him, do I say ‘Grandad doesn’t want to play with you?’ 🤷🏻‍♀️Can’t escape my own house[/quote]
No you don't say "Grandad doesn't want to play with you" because that would be upsetting for her and unkind to him. You take his cues that he's had enough and you then redirect your dd to do something with you, or with your dp (not sure, he/she isn't mentioned?)
Believe me I do know where your coming from, my parents are hands off grandparents in the younger years and it stung for sure but I quickly realised that I couldn't force a relationship by being stroppy and passive aggressive.

IcedSpice · 28/07/2021 14:26

[quote Bigdisappointment]@Tiddleztheelephant He’s not constantly left with her, they’re staying with me at my house, she always wants to play with him, do I say ‘Grandad doesn’t want to play with you?’ 🤷🏻‍♀️Can’t escape my own house[/quote]
Yeah say that, he doesn't want to

breakfasty · 28/07/2021 14:26

[quote Bigdisappointment]@breakfasty He’s not ‘Left’ with her, they’re staying with us, at our house, she lives here[/quote]
Ahh I see. Are you in the room and available for playing with/looking after? If so then that's off of him as he could say no, go and play with mummy.

Original poster
Bigdisappointment · 28/07/2021 14:26

@CherieBabySpliffUp Maybe 45 minutes? We were all on the beach sat together

OP posts:
breakfasty · 28/07/2021 14:27

And there's nothing wrong with saying grandad doesn't want to play right now.

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