Wanting a wage for playing with his granddaughter

[Bigdisappointment]

This is what my dad ‘Joked’ well, he wasn’t laughing about today.
Parents come to stay with us, he was playing with toddler Dd, she always wants to play with him. He played for a bit, then stood up and said he was going to the bank to get his wage. Confused, I asked ‘Wage for what?’ He said ‘For this’ meaning playing/looking after Dd,
Aibu to feel hurt that he obviously begrudges spending time with her, I'd rather he didn’t if he didn’t want to.
How involved are your parents with your kids? Feel disappointed in mine a lot.

@frazzledasarock Yep, that’s me, just feeling a bit low about it all today.

You know your dad better than any of us so if you know it wasn’t said in a joking way then I can understand you being upset.

Otoh, toddlers can be v dull and tiring, and he may just not be that interested in this stage or he may have been tired. I remember getting a snarky comment from my DSis for not immediately wanting to play horses round the living room with my v young nieces (that I rarely see, granted) - but I was shattered after a seven hour journey and just wanted a sit down and a cup of tea before galloping. (Actually, I didn’t want to gallop, but it was expected of me 🤷‍♀️)

Good lord, don't you have a sense of humour ?

Oh I get it. He doesn't want to play with her because she's a girl, so obviously she should be playing with mummy or grandma.

Misogynistic twat.

It's simple, my in laws are very similar so I have stepped back and I do nothing for them. You should do similar, do minimal for your dad and as he gets older & frailer then you pass him onto external carers which he has to pay for.

@Bigdisappointment

And now I’m the one lay upstairs in my bed with Dd, trying to get her to nap, so they can have a break downstairs 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well yes because you're her parent??

"Why bother to come and stay?"
Presumably because they love you and dd and want to see you but there's a world of difference between wanting to see somebody and wanting to spend every waking moment playing with a toddler.
How old are they? Most likely they get tired after a little while.

Oh for god sakes it was a joke, off the cuff comment
How old is he?

Your parents are arses, you’ve been racing around like a blue arsed fly, doing exactly as your parents want and they’re just mean to you and you’re meant to drop everything and run around to their timetable.

I’d start making ‘jokes’ about how you should charge chauffeur/cook/cleaner etc fees to them.

How upsetting. For you and for her, if she could understand.
He sounds like a prize prick and actually I think I would reduce contact between your DD and him massively. Rejection is a horrible thing and could have quite a strong impact if she was so feel rejected or like a burden to her own family so young.
It's a shame as she clearly loves him but for her sake take 3 big steps back from him.

Maybe knock the visits on the head if he can't cope with being around a little kid. Or send them home/to a hotel.

Taking the bairn so they can have a break in hou own hous indeed

Unless he is generally not a loving person, you might find he just doesn't gel well with the toddler age, and is better able to give of himself when they're a bit older and can do stuff like card games etc. He wouldn't be the first adult who felt this way (including my dh, but it being his own child he just had to put his best foot forward anyway, but he's much happier now they're older and he can take them bike rides).
Is he usually a bit stone hearted?

@breakfasty We were all sat together at the beach. It almost felt like a trade off between him and Dm about who was looking after her, just weird I guess. I thought we were having a nice time and he was enjoying playing with her, I was wrong

[quote Bigdisappointment]@CherieBabySpliffUp Maybe 45 minutes? We were all on the beach sat together[/quote]
You were at the beach? And he was playing with her for 45 mins? Tbh I’d consider 45 mins in my own with a toddler at the beach pretty hard work. You have to really watch them!

Did he also take her to the water?

And so many people would love to have grandchildren to play with! I'm not surprised you're hurt, OP. I hope DD never realises.

Why is everyone so insistent it was was joke when they don't know the OP, her dad or was there at the time.

Hope the rest of the visit goes better OP!

And tell them to bugger off home

It sounds like he just doesn’t enjoy playing with your DD, he hasn’t communicated it very well. Saying to your DD “grandad has played with you lots, go and do X Y Z while the grown ups chat, he needs a rest” is fine. My kids would play with my sister all day long as she is fun a they adore her but after 10mins of course she’s getting bored and doesn’t want to be the one to tell the kids to go away so I do it, it’s my job to help them pick up on body language and cues. Don’t get too angry at your Dad OP. It can be difficult for everyone when relative stay, things can get tense for everyone.

Omg OP chill out! My DD's Grandfather NEVER plays with them ever!

He says "Oh! Ha ha! Look how much you've grown...what year are you in at school now?"

And they tell him and that's it!

That's all he wants or is able to give...that's how it is. You can't whinge about your Dad making a crap joke.

The people calling him a misogynistic twat and suggesting that you do nothing for him in old age as payback Mumsnet batshittery at its finest!! Have you seen the bit where op says he had entertained her for 45 minutes on the beach??
That's actually quite a long time to entertain a small child on the beach because they can be quite risky and you can't take your eyes off them for a second.
It reads to me like he just got tired and op has thrown an enormous wobbler about having to entertain her own child 🤷‍♂️

@SilverRoe He was sat on the beach rug, she was sat down with colouring books etc, didn’t have to watch her by the water or get up

Confession, I don’t even really like playing with my own kids I love them but playing is basically being bossed around by a child

Tbh I think 45 minutes playing with a toddler is a long time. Not everyone enjoys that.

That's really horrible. I hate playing with small kids and I've hated doing imaginary play since I was a kid myself but I would never say this out loud.
He will probably enjoy her more as she gets older OP.
Toddlers aren't for everyone but that was an asshole thing to say.

Do you guys know @Bigdisappointments dad? No? Well how do you know he's joking? She's the one who knows him and was there!

How horrible, not wanting to play with his own granddaughter.

@rainbowstardrops

All the people saying it was a joke when they don't know you or your dad are incredible! I think you know whether he was joking or not and it sounds pretty clear that he wasn't joking. That's really sad. So are they actually staying in your house at the moment?

This.. I’d-invite them less tbh. It’s her home. He clearly has a problem. But it’s his problem not yours