To find it annoying when parents let their children watch tablets in coffee shops with the volume turned up?

[Zippyzoppy]

Sat in a coffee shop just wanting to have a quiet few minutes to myself. Opposite is a Dad with his circa 4 year old who is playing games on a tablet which I can hear and is really distracting and spoiling my enjoyment of my coffee. Dad is on his iPhone.

Am I a miserable cow for finding this irritating?!

@TowandaForever do you always act like this when you've been proved wrong.
As a pp said additional needs doesn't cover what my son has. So I'll use the word that describes his situation.

@TheSlayer

I didn't miss that your child had a disability.

I didn't scold you either. Not in any way.

I said Ii didn't like the word disabled.

I'm going to leave it at that....z

Children playing on devices in public is nobody else’s business if the sound is off or they’re wearing headphones. It doesn’t affect anyone else except people who enjoy having something to judge others for.

However anyone playing on devices with the sound up in public is rude and antisocial, if the child is too young to know better the parents need to enforce manners.

Oh dear. I see the 'it's lazy/poor parenting' brigade are out in all their judgemental force today!

The noise thing is annoying granted, so headphones if possible, but my eldest (asd/adhd) wouldn't wear them and sometimes, a screen was a bit of precious respite for me. We always tried to sit in a corner so we didn't annoy too many people. Ditto eating out - I also chose places where he'd be able to get up and run around in some safe outdoor space because sitting down for more than 3 minutes didn't happen. I'm sure lots of people judged me, without knowing my circumstances but I always made an effort to consider others around me.

I'm far from a lazy or poor parent but those who are judging here, I really hope you don't get a crick in your neck from looking down on those of us who choose to use what works to make life bearable for a short time.

I don't think parents can ever win. My dh will happily pass his phone to our two to share when we are at a cafe or restaurant, on low volume because we don't want to disturb anyone but quite frankly people chattering away is often louder. I have done the just talking and interacting with the kids, counting buses that passed by, naming colours of cars and been called out for 'performance parenting'. If I am paying for a meal I have as much right to be there as you and as long as my kid isn't screaming, running around or fighting with its sibling then I don't think some YouTube noise on a low volume is a big deal.

I know their is a school of thought about that only the person themselves can say they have a disability or call themselves disabled but some people are never going to be in that position to make that decision.
What I can't stand is when people refer to adults with a learning disability as having special needs which is phrasing you would use about a child.

These threads always descend into 'but what if the child has additional needs?'

I've confronted many people about their devices disturbing other people and trust me, they don't have additional needs, they're just arseholes.

I don't think some YouTube noise on a low volume is a big deal

So speaks someone who isn't autistic and oversensitive to sound

i hate seeing people on tablets full stop. The saddest sight i saw whole a family out for dinner all the children on Tablets with ear phones. This where you reach them social skills, to be able to converse and debate and to learn manners. How can they do that on their tablet.

You said my children have additional needs (disabled- awful word)
Disabled or having a disability describes my son's condition. It's a medical term.
He is not limited enough to be handicapped.
He is too limited to be additional needs.

If your children have additional needs they have additional needs. You need to meet certain requirements to be in classified as disabled and get disability benefits. It's a definition needed by those whose condition is more severe than additional needs.

I think its entirely different to judge people for going to cafes with tablets than people using public transport with tablets. Yes headphones should be worn when available and tolerated. I personally don't use tablet in cafes and tend to eat out at 4pm so its empty and the kids are in a good mood but I really do not in any way care what other parents do to get their kids to sit and eat.

Trains and planes are entirely different though. I can't imagine there would be all that many parents choosing for a day out on the train with their toddlers. Its very much a necessary get through it exercise. My last train journey involved physically restraining the 1 year old to watch bluey on an overfull train while the mum across from me ignored her teenagers playing with the toilet buttons and opening it every time it closed, wafting a pungent aroma towards me for 3 hours. Damn right the volume was on down low as the kids were sharing the ipad and the one set of headphones we had were stuck in the bottom of the pram which I had to fold down and place on high shelf while holding baby because the train was so busy. Perhaps those who are getting irritated at parents trying to deal with less than ideal situations on long journeys could invest in some noise cancelling headphones themselves and put them in with their 2 free hands.

Those making a noise have to bear in mind there may be others present who cannot cope with that noise.

Of course all people with autism are the same rather than individuals with different needs and so it is simply a case of giving them ear defenders to avoid “meltdowns”. If only everyone knew this secret, think of the distress it would prevent.

"Perhaps those who are getting irritated at parents trying to deal with less than ideal situations on long journeys could invest in some noise cancelling headphones themselves and put them in with their 2 free hands."

Some people cannot wear ear defenders. Severely autistic ds cannot.

I agree, OP. It's simple. Sound off or headphones. Otherwise, it's plain inconsiderate.

I have no time for people who judge parents for letting their children have phones/tablets on long journeys or in restaurants though (so long as sound off/headphones). None of your business. If we go out for a family meal, we're not interested in putting on a "happy families" show for people sitting next to us and will give our DC a (silent) tablet for a bit if it means they're not running around and we get to eat our meal in peace. If anyone judges, we couldn't care less. Sometimes conversation just doesn't cut it and we want to eat our food.

people are not unreasonable to expect a bit of moderation in a non-child-focused public place.

Agree, but that should also go for adults as well not just parents with children in these places. There is no guarantee that an adult-focused place is going to be quiet. I’ve experienced more noise coming from other adults talking loudly in these areas where it’s not necessary and put my own headphones in to block them out. I carry a set around because I know quiet and silence isn’t promised and if I want that I need to go to such places where I have a high probability of it regardless of what age of people is making the sound.

@TheSlayer

You said my children have additional needs (disabled- awful word) Disabled or having a disability describes my son's condition. It's a medical term. He is not limited enough to be handicapped. He is too limited to be additional needs.

If your children have additional needs they have additional needs. You need to meet certain requirements to be in classified as disabled and get disability benefits. It's a definition needed by those whose condition is more severe than additional needs.

My children both get high rate pip/ dla.

This is parenting for so many, it's rude and selfish.

These threads always descend into 'but what if the child has additional needs?'

Unfortunately, that's because some people give absolutely no thought to people or families who are dealing with additional needs. You can see this in a few of the comments on here. No harm in reminding people that others can struggle with social situations and environments or with noise.

@TowandaForever

Perhaps you should take it up with scope and the NHS then.
Both use the word disabled throughout when describing my son's condition. I can't say the same for yours because you yourself classified it as additional needs.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

I cant get up in arms about kids on tablets in cafes - but this is what headphones or silent mode is for.

Our kids tablets stay at home always (or in the holiday home), and I've no doubt that their and our chatter at cafe tables is louder than a tablet but chatter is expected in this places. Beeps and buzzes and tunes are not.

I agree completely, @BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz.

A big part of me is glad that we raised our boys in the days before smartphones and tablets, and couldn't afford Gameboys or the like, so never had to deal with the boys mithering for them in cafes and on trains etc.

I can understand completely why parents nowadays do give their children tablets etc, to entertain them in cafes - but it is very rude of them not to use headphones, and to inflict their electronic noise/manic kids tv music on everyone else.

i hate seeing people on tablets full stop. The saddest sight i saw whole a family out for dinner all the children on Tablets with ear phones. This where you reach them social skills, to be able to converse and debate and to learn manners. How can they do that on their tablet.

Maybe they just wanted to eat? Not every family eating out is doing so as a wonderful family experience. Quite often we eat out because I'm on a cooking strike and refusing to cook. I don't really want to talk to my DC and corral them into polite conversation, I just want to eat a meal I haven't cooked for once.

@LizzieAnt

These threads always descend into 'but what if the child has additional needs?'

Unfortunately, that's because some people give absolutely no thought to people or families who are dealing with additional needs. You can see this in a few of the comments on here. No harm in reminding people that others can struggle with social situations and environments or with noise.

Exactly. Sweeping statements don't work in this situation because many people have invisible disabilities or struggles.

@SheABitSpicyToday

I hate people who judge. You don’t know if that I aren’t is trying to avoid an autistic meltdown or whatever.

My daughter had her tablet yesterday in a cafe as we were waiting for my husbands eye surgery to finish but it over ran. We ended up sat in there for 3 hours.

Why is the autism card pulled out for everything??

This isn't about autism, it's basic manners and consideration of other people whilst in public! People are really becoming more and more selfish and its annoying but autism should not be used as an excuse to brow beat people in to thinking that others can do as they wish because their child 'might have autism' and it would be wrong to expect some consideration

When I was watching (ignoring) my son’s swimming lesson the other day a woman let her child watch an iPad with the volume right up. This was bad enough but she then started having a phone conversation (in Russian- this is relevant) at a ridiculous volume, presumably to make herself heard over the noise of said iPad. I was playing a game on my phone which then started showing me adverts in Russian 🙄😂